Love help: I’ve “just been myself” for the past 6 years and it hasn’t gotten me a single girlfriend… - Help.com

omg me too!
cept im only fifteen and i want a boyfriend not a girlfriend.
and when i see like 5 of my parents friends ages ranging from 40-70 who are still single, it really scares me.

I think this is just the way it is. Same problem mate. I can only offer you moral support here. Women just like the wrong guys, evolution has no moral compass.

No offence, but you are not a young man. This problem is endemic to a large proportion of young men these days as women in general (not all of them) are attracted to bad boys or pack leaders (alpha males). The majority of men, like the majority of males in any major mammal family are left aside and don’t usually do that well. It’s not nice, but it is genetics and I do totally understand the OP’s POV. I’m living your hell mate.

as cheesy as it sounds join a club.
my mum and dad met at a club and have had
26 sucessful years of marraige.
the key to a girls heart is confidence and them making the first move
i admit some girls are total bitchs who just care about looks, money and so on
but theres always someone out there for you

It gets better with age. Young women might be prone to go for the jerk, but they learn their lessons and as they get older they will go for the nicer guys.

Good point. Its just stupid it doesn’t help us lads now. :(

I know. But at the same time if you do find a wise one that recognizes that nice guys aren’t necessarily boring and are worthwhile, you’ll know you have a good one.

girls are stubborn. you need to slap sence out of them..
not literlly

‘if’ being the operative word there.

I appreciate the sentiment but may I ask you: who is your husband or the father of your child? Is he perchance a well to do man, leader of the pack with many friends who you felt attracted to?

There is some poor B grade man like me or the OP who missed the boat there. It be nice if every girl realised that. We cannot pretend to be people we are not, or learn skills we do not have that are innate. I can go and talk to somebody, that is just beating fear. Not looking stupid or actually succeeding is in the genes, and I cannot beat them.

dont worry, there are girls out there who are NOT attracted to that alpha male thing, you just have to find them, trust me, we are not all attracted to stupid loser guys who act like jerks.

I am 22, and I know that does seem young but I guarentee you it isnt all it seems. People my age are married or at work and younger people really are YOUNG. My young persons rail card expires in a couple of years. I do not wish to be rude but you obviously saw something in this man who wasnt all that, and the nice guy out there for you was overlooked. Its nobodies fault its just how we are, and I have been trying to learn for a very long time and have had no success.

Alpha male status isnt all about money or power, but if he attracted you enough to bear his children you must have seen something in him to overlook the faults. That is what WE lack. You cannot learn innate talent any more than you can learn to play like mozart.

Be confident in who you are. You need to know that if they don’t go for you, it is the females who are being the fools. If it works that’s great. If it doesn’t you can at least have a laugh knowing that the girls are just being silly, and they will lose out because of it.

It won’t help all that much, but it may ease the pain.

That indeed is what I try to do so I agree there. Still, we can learn to say hello to a girl, but what do you say after hello? Awkward silence for the lose!

Cheers for the advice, good to hear but I do keep trying - the continued failure is what gets me down.

The continued failure thing isn’t good at all. I think the best thing you can do if you are interested, is try and be less interested. Then some of the pressure is off if you can talk. Go into it with whatever your strong points are and just try and let that show in the conversation.

If it is your humor, then make some jokes, maybe even good natured ones at the girls expense.

If humor isn’t your thing, then try and give a little taste of what your strong point is in the conversation, but assume from the beginning that you don’t care if it works out. You are just conversing for the fun of the conversation, not for a potential love match.

That way you focus on the conversation and hopefully won’t be too beat up if nothing comes from it, because after all you did have a good conversation hopefully. If she can’t handle your conversation will, then be happy you found out, because you wouldn’t want to be with that person anyway.

The main thing is to try and not get ahead of yourself.

The bad boy thing with the heart of gold is a huge myth. The girls believe there is a heart of gold in their and only they can really see it. But there never really is one.

Yep. But they always know better until things muck up. Whoever wrote that part of the genome did a number on logic.

Deathkomles I have a post here that explains my current situation but I am far from a second year and have had trouble with all sorts of things. Anyway, I hope things work out for you.

i know your pain…all too well. so let me give you some words of wisdom from the girl side

do you want to know why girls go after the bad boys? because the bad boys are usually the only ones who have the guts to make a move. if you ask more people, you get a higher turn over rate…right? here’s something in all honesty: there is almost no one that i would turn down for at least a first date. not because i really want to meet someone, or because i’m bored…because i have a full life without a boy and trust me i have an insanely busy schedule. but the reason i wouldn’t turn down someone who asked for a date is because everyone deserve a chance. as long as they weren’t dirty or rude or something extraneous which i’m sure you aren’t. so go out there and start talking to some new people. the more people you meet, the better chance you have.

unfortunately at this age, early 20s, it’s hard to find someone because not everyone is driven for a substantial relationship. hang in there. make some moves. be confident, i can already see confidence in your post….you have great friends and are well respected…so you must be doing something right. you already know this, you just have to believe it. i understand the stored up affection, completely. but focus it on helping people, getting involved, or even answering more posts on here. someday there will be a girl who appreciates your efforts and she alone will deserve your affection.

hang in there. keep us posted. and good luck :O)

Read The Game.

The reason that you’re not finding girlfriends left and right is that you’re too special for that kind of relationship and girls can see it.
You’re the kind of nice guy who should never have to deal with serious heartbreak, and any girl with a conscience does not want to be the girl to break your heart. They don’t mind breaking bad boys’ hearts as much as they do genuinely great guys. The girl for you is also special and she’ll be looking for someone who won’t break her heart and who will be sensitive to her needs. She won’t be looking for a challenging guy that she’ll have to “break.” She’ll be very rare and very patient, just like you.

This is the most common problem ever. Ever. Ever. The problem is not the girls and it not you. Its your attitude women want a nice guy or so they claim. But the problem is they also want a guy with confidence and unfortunately that usually means jerks. Here is the truth you are a guy that is to be desired and until you convince your self that you are desirable girls will smell it on you. Nothing is less attractive then a guy who doesn’t think that they deserve to be with a girl.
Anon suggested that you read The Game by Neil Strauss and that might help a little, but it is not the bible no matter how much they try to make it seem that way.
Listen how would it make you feel if I could assure you after a short correspondence with me I could make it so you never have this problem again. Start with this think of five things that you want in a women. make the list then shout it to me and we will talk from there.
You don’t deserve to feel like this anymore and I wont stand for it.
STONE

You are still young dont worry. Go out with male friends at college, hang out near the “bad spirited egotistical guys” and chat up the girls like you’ve just left Stud Town.

read what fc2 wrote again. This is great advice nothing is better when it comes to meeting women as learning from those who are good at it. A hint all of those guys are bad at talking to women because they honestly don’t listen or care, but they are confident so its game over.

your only 20 mate. keep trying…propose to them that your interested…..