Love help: Hello to all, I am new here and trying so hard to find a place where people understand what I am going through. - Help.com

I’m sorry that your going thru that. If you really want things to work out and feel that he is going to try to be better, then give another try, maybe you should take time off and let you guys work things out from a distants. For somepeople that works and for others it doen’t. Support him and try your best to understand. You shouldn’t have any guilt if you leave him if he can’t help himself. Your baby doen’t need that.

First, I want to say welcome to help.com :)
I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I haven’t been in that exact situation, but one similar. Perhaps going through with the divorce would be a necessary wake-up call for him. I really hope he gets the help he needs, but of course he has to want help.

Hi, Sorry about your situation. I think you are doing the right thing… Understand that forgiving does not mean you have to be together… If you decidenot to give another chance that’s okay… You have to live your life and take care of your child… That’s your first priority… I hope this helps

I understand your feelings :(

I was married 13 years to a woman that was chronically depressed… she was angry, controling manipulitive, and I was the biggest co-dependent on the face of the planet. In 2000, I spent the day with her in the mental ward, as she was admitted for 72 hour lock-down. It quickly became apparent to me what my part was in all this, and I couldn’t do that anymore. I was no longer the co-dependent she needed and after two more lock-down events, we started to seperate. It was from my marriage that I coined the phrase, “The rose does not blossom under the shadow of the Oak tree”. After a marriage of 13 years like that, it is so easy to feel drained.. to feel as if you are merely a shadow of the person you are married to! You feel distant from yourself. Gabriel is right… YOU are the first priority. You need to be healthy.. you need to love yourself again… and if being away from the illness is how you do that (and it usually is) then so be it.

with much love and bright blessings~
Richard

GET AWAY From him. In a daily living situation. GOOD FOR YOU. If you want to consider trying to continue, DONT do it in the same household, DONT continue as ‘partners’ until you’ve seen, over a LONNNG time, that he has changed….but DONT put yourself through / choose to invite that craziness in your home.

Me, I’d be done. You dont need that psycho roller-coaster. For WHAT??? A lot of crazy twisted years together is not partic. a good thing….peace and joy the goal.

Only you can know. Pray, look in your heart, see what it is you feel the most peace and joy about. And, whatever you do, keep a safe calm peaceful joyful environment for you and your child in the meantime.

SOrry youre going through this but at least it sounds like youre learning and growing a lot…..the upside of lessons…..peace and joy at all costs…sometimes we cant have them with certain people in our lives….

and, finally get some support for yourself - make sure you have a balanced plate with all you have (caregiving for your child, this)…make sure you also are doing things that lift you up….

I’m really sorry for your situation,
I can’t say anything really…
just come here and want to give you a hug *hugs you*

(but yes I think you already know what’s good for you, I’m sure you already think a lot about it and you make decision that’s not just base on feeling but also reality… I think you make a right one)

love and sunshine
~ Lee

I’m so sorry for your situation. I don’t have any experience from your point of view, and if your instincts say this needs to end, then it probably does. You’ll have to weigh the pros and cons. But, if you decide that you think he really is serious about quitting this time (say, voluntarily joins a rehab or 12 step program), he’ll need someone close to him to be acountable to, and who understands. This might not be you, I just know how recovery works. I don’t know if he’s been through a recovery program before, but if he truly does want to quit for good and for himself, and not just because he would loose you, then he’ll need help. Cocaine addiction is one of the hardest to quit, and the hardest thing he’ll have to do is to be honest with himself and those around him. The life of an addict is a world built on lies.
I wish you and your son the best. With such an ability to know when to quit, I’m sure everyhthing will eventually work out for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Welcome to help.com. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m not a big advocate of divorce but you would be justified. My best friend stayed with her husband and he’s been clean for 3 years she doesn’t know when it will start again or if it will but for now she & the kids are ok. I give her alot of credit for hanging in there. It’s a decision only you can make. If he is not serious, enough maybe enough. If he is serious, can you trust him again?? Good luck and I hope you find the answers your looking for.

i wanted to add one more thing.
you dont have to pursue/choose to continue with him to forgive him.
you can forgive him and STIll have the wisdom/be led to know/believe this is not what is best for you and your child….

I wanted you to get this part b/c i didnt want you to feel guilty/like you are lacking in forgiveness if you are led not to continue w/these upsets in your life.

Enough is enough.
Choose to build a calm happy life with your boy and find a stable mature partner without such rollercoaster problems.

I want you to take care of yourself first. Putting yourself in a safe position would be best for you rightnow. He may sober up again but he is not so now. I would suggest going to an AlAnon meeting for guidence and suggestion. I know you are not alone in your struggles. I am male and have not children but have dealt with my own addiction. The programs of Alchoholics Anonomys and Al Anon have saved my life. Ill pray for you and hope this finds you well. Please take care