Human help: Honesty… - Help.com

Everyone lies. It’s a fact and a way of life for us humans.

That’s a loaded question if ever there was one. Dishonesty sent me on a decade long hunt for the truth, but I was still holding on to little pieces of the story I’d been raised with so I could never find the truth. Now, I’ve abandoned all the stories I was told and I no longer seek the truth. I am content not to know. Some say that means I’ve hardened my heart. I say, so what? It doesn’t matter to me anymore.

Leir your question seems rather ambiguous.

Personally, I think that human beings are social creatures, and as such honesty or dishonesty are parts of our everyday lives. I don’t know if it’s the lies or truths, or even promises we try to keep that really affect most of us. To me it’s more about the people we choose to surround ourselves by on a daily basis, and of them which ones words actually carry any weight within ourselves.

Mommy and Daddy tell me there are Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
My older sister tells me that these things don’t exist.
Did the truth or the lie hurt more?

Oddly enough, sometimes when people lie they end up telling the truth. Visa Versa as well. I guess lying is more about saying something other than what you believe is the truth, as the quality of truth is ambiguous and controversial.
Ciao,
Dan

It is never as clear cut as honest or dishonest, Some situations require the need to be dishonest as being truthfull can sometimes be as bad and hurtfull as being dishonest.
You have to go with the situation and what is right at the time, but to be dishonest for your own gain, like getting out of trouble or getting something as a reward etc is wrong

I believe in truth.
But when it comes to love stuff, I secretly hope that I will never know about those bad truth.

theres this saying a lot of people use
* which is better : A lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear *

I believe that in some circumstances people lie for the sake of others or for the well-being of others .Im all for honesty , but everyone lies . Heck i lie. The point is that at some time a small white lie is for the best. Though i still know that one lie needs another lie to cover it up , and then another 2 to cover those 2 up and another to cover all 4 ….and so on , so we would be left with a big bunch of lies . . .but sometimes just one lie could draw a smile …
example a friend asks for an opinion on lets say a peom he / she wrote.. my opinion could be that it sucks , but which is better : to tell that person that it sucks or to say a small white lie like * it nice , but im sure you can do better.

Again it all depends on the circumstances and who the lie will affect and who would it hurt. Thats when we realize that if the lie doesnt hurt anyone or affect anyone then it could be said.

Leirbag , somethings people say could be mean , to you maybe hearing the rude words is far better than a lie , but to the deciever he isnt benifiting its just he wouldnt want to hurt you .

honesty is the best policy hehehe *winks*

White lies are white lies, but a real lie is the reason I hate you, this time…often said in my head…

i was about to say that .. i mean lies dont have colors to be defined by them, but a white lie to people means a small lie ,or twisting of words .. something like that ..

ye but how would you react if i commented on somthing you did * oh it sucks *
wouldnt it be better for both of us if i say , * its ok , but you could fix it … or it could be better *

Leirbag wrote:

})i({ ~LazyDaze wrote:
It is never as clear cut as honest or dishonest, Some situations require the need to be dishonest as being truthfull can sometimes be as bad and hurtfull as being dishonest.You have to go with the situation and what is right at the time, but to be dishonest for your own gain, like getting out of trouble or getting something as a reward etc is wrong

When is there a need to be dishonest (deceptive)? I think only in war where ther are really no rules…

Are you someone who has always spoken truth and not been deceptive to those around you?

More then ill let anyone know

There are very few things in our lives that we truly have completely control over - honest and integrity - fall in the 100% control category.

Truthfulness is expected.

Honesty should always be tempered with kindness. Yes, the truth can hurt but being lied too is even harder to accept.

peace

Leirbag wrote:

Times’ *gone mad* wrote:
Leir your question seems rather ambiguous.

Personally, I think that human beings are social creatures, and as such honesty or dishonesty are parts of our everyday lives. I don’t know if it’s the lies or truths, or even promises we try to keep that really affect most of us. To me it’s more about the people we choose to surround ourselves by on a daily basis, and of them which ones words actually carry any weight within ourselves.

Mommy and Daddy tell me there are Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
My older sister tells me that these things don’t exist.
Did the truth or the lie hurt more?

I told my daughter the truth about santa christmas etc. and we can still celebrate and have a good time. She calls me daddyclaus lol

******** Daddyclaus…

No, but seriously, there are many things that we as people shouldn’t do, but we anyway. And I’m willing to try and do everything I can as an individual to have morals, I can’t promise honesty. I will always opt to try and spare someones feelings and emotions over telling them things that are rude or brutal. And not telling someone something in some cases is just as bad as lying we just have nicer descriptor for it “verbal ofuscation”.

On an truthful side note my parents forgot me at Christmas several times as a child, but remembered my siblings. As soon as my siblings and I were old enough to know that Santa didn’t exsist, we stopped setting up the tree, did away with stockings and gifts from Santa and all that, but we got to go see the extended family’s Christmas tree, stockings…presents. I hate the holiday season.

by nature im honest but life experience changed my outlook…

Leirbag it all comes down to the personality of each person … some people cant handle the truth , i mean lets face it … others however would rather hear the truth than a lie ..so you dont know , i mean honesty is the best but at some cases a small lie wouldnt hurt .. let me give you an example .. a couple of years ago my mom went to visit her sister in L.A .The day after she left, all of us in the family got a flue surprisingly , my dad got a bad cough …my mom used to call us ,so because of the flue my dad kept caughing so my mom asked why , he said oh nothing i just chocked on water lol . .. ok so here this small lie saved my mom a lot of head ache . MY mom gets worried a lot so if she knew that all of us were sick ( the truth ) she wouldnt have enjoyed her time in L.A
its just a simple story to show that somtimes a lie saves a lot of trouble .. when she came back we told her that we were all sick and so on , she laughed at how we covered it up . .see its just the type of person and what they could handle or what they prefer to hear .A lie or the truth .. . it depend on how well you know the person ..

so do i make sense or should i stop putting colors for lies and just be brutally honest for the rest of my life hehe :P

Some people say they lie to protect an individual from something. I agree, because some people just cannot handle the truth, its too much for them to fathom. Then again they say the truth sets you free but in that same token, will it set the other person being effected free as well. Honesty is a very powerful trait to carry, people can have it, but dishonesty is inevitable.

I think this whole topic can come from many different perspectives.

ye i know leirbag , but i was refering to the truth that would actually hurt .. just was wondering if i should stop protecting others from small things and just be brutally honest, or just keep saying small lies ( of course that wouldnt hurt anyone , like the example i showed you) ….

your post has honestly made me think a lot hehe .. im a bad person :P because i wouldnt like seeing anyone get hurt because of me , so i use a small lie ( again like the example ) nothing big , its too wrong…

***wonders what provoked Leir to write this post***

But a lie you are talking about benefits the liar and hurts another person , you didnt ask about the other perspectives of lies but people just gave it to you :)

great question though hey leir is you main pic from your car and if it is what kind of car

sorry for the stupid question my little bro needs to know

o ok i dont know cars at all but he likes them thanks

hahah leirbag you dont know my mom ! hehehe she would have been on the next plane to lebanon ! everybody has his own view about honesty .. lets leave it at that , we all took into consideration the opinions of others :D at least i did :)

so im good to go :)

if its not right don’t do it; if its not true don’t say it.

it’s that simple.

i too am sensitive i would rather hear the truth than be lied to.my family members either don’t tell me the truth b/c it would hurt me or they dance around the truth than i find out and i usually get a response like well we didn’t want to tell you b/c we know how you get .i, myself can’t lie i get all shaky and my body language gives it away just recenly i told my dauther that there a toothfairy and she was okay with it and then she proceded to ask how much money she was going to get from us lol

Honesty without diplomacy and tact is like a surgeon’s blade without anesthesia - effective but very unpleasant.

There are a lot of ‘grey areas’ where honesty isn’t necessarily the best policy. For example, the Koran allows followers of Islam to lie about Islam if it is to protect their own lives.

If you lie to protect your life, is it wrong? What if it protects someone else’s? Just where do we draw the line of ’survival’ in a literal sense and a figurative one? What if protecting your ‘life’ is interpreted to mean something other than your physical body…like your reputation, your friends, and your livelihood?

This is why telling the truth is such a tricky proposition. Smart leaders use it selectively to disarm enemies…telling the truth to distract from another lie or covert action. Is telling the truth right or wrong in this case? Lawyers use it to present their clients in a certain light. The media ’spin-doctors’ the truth and uses a distorted version to sell us things.

Ultimately, I think we are geared to protect ourselves by any means necessary. It is hardwired into us by millions of years of evolution. If a lie will protect or help us in any way, we will lie. To do otherwise is to go against our basic instincts, and not many people are capable of that.

A lie is a tool, like any other construct. It can be used for positive or negative motives. The same is true of the truth.

Socrates had rules for verbal conduct: words should be spoken only if they are (in order of importance) useful, true, or good.

I’ve always tried to act as honestly as I can, by confronting any issues I have head on. I’d say I’m one of the most honest people I know…..but then again I’m sure most people will say that.

I know what dishonesty does to people I guess. So probably that’s why. It creates distrust and suspicion, and trust, my friends, is extremely hard to gain and even harder to regain. Perhaps even impossible.

I just try and live my life as honestly as I can, by being honest to myself, regardless of what other people are doing. I think it helps keep me sane.

Two points I’d like to make. The first is that there is seldom one truth, when you’re dealing with human. I found that out the hard way when I was young and naive.

The second point is that there is more than one way to define honsety. Honesty doesn’t always have to be the truth and the whole truth, just nothing but the truth. Being ruthlessly honest in the sense that you always say the truth and the whole truth, no matter what, seems to me as using the virtue of honesty to stop thinking about what would be in the best interest of all involved. I would personally define honesty more in the sense of fairness, no hidden agenda’s and all people treated equally. It’s that honesty I stand for.

Leirbag, Im sorry but its not all black and white.
Not many people want to hear the truth. I do pride myself on being honest but some situations just require a bit of tact. You wont get far being brutally honest in every situation, its cruel sometimes.

pseudomiem amen. lol. That is exactly what I was talking about.

everyone lies sadly…even me! honesty is very rare now

Anyone taking count (be it god, karma, the universe, anything else) would recognize that you didn’t mean to lie, yours_dietcoke, they would give you a good mark on being protective of your children and never mind the lie. Duress is duress, even cosmically.

My own dishonesty with myself has probably been the cause of the worst of my pains. Some times it is not accepting my limitation and qualifications. Some times it is refusing to accept the truth behind the lies I see from others.

I am a very candid person, I believe very strongly in honesty. But I know I have lied, and I know I will lie again. I was in theatre my whole life. I went to see countless plays where I really thought people did a horrible job, but I would never have told them that. After the show I would go backstage, hug them, and tell them they did a good job. No one would have gained anything from my telling them I didn’t like their performance, even if I had been super super nice about it. It would have just alienated them and made them feel bad. I generally try not to do that to people, whether I like them personally or not.

Finley (JAYS) wrote:
the times I’ve been dishonest,

What are you getting at here? LOL FELLY BELLY FOREVER!!!

wellll i’m pretty honest. sometimes people don’t take that very well, because i won’t just tell them what they want to hear. but other people really respect it.

Some people need to lie to make others happy because they are insecure about their decisions or actions. Some people need to lie to protect ones they love, some people lie to hurt those they care about. I don’t like lying. It sucks.

I’m going through the mill at the moment. An old friend of mine is refusing to believe I’m telling the truth about a business matter. The only witness I have is telling lies about me, which is adding fuel to the fire. I’ve been telling the truth, day after day for the last 2 weeks. Having the truth on my side is proving to be no real weapon against deception and lies. Why should I expect justice?

On this site honesty is a quality not known, giving an honesty opinion, gets you banned and threatened. This site is so honest, that to be honest on this site means to do so “Anonymously”! Otherwise those that control this board (non-moderators) think only their opinions should be heard. Because these people are the ones will complain to the moderators at the drop of a hat because of a person’s being HONEST.

DO NOT LOOK FOR HONESTY ON THIS BOARD!

Those that think “Anonymous” posting they can not find you? THINK AGAIN!

a whole big lie affected me once. but then again, it was a learning experience.

i believe there are still honest people on this board. i am one of them.

Well anon, I certainly have never been censored.

I’m soooo.. stupid I believe everything until proven otherwise, probably my biggest downfall, yet I don’t know how to turn it off. I give trust and respect first and then go from there. Once it’s broken then I have a little more learyness toward them. But yet I still sort of trust them, I’m crazy!!

Pamark, that’s something I do too. It’s a rational choice for me: I don’t want to live with myself if my default would be not to trust, so I decided to be naive, get screwed every once in a while, but remain the person I want to be.

pamark wrote:
I’m soooo.. stupid I believe everything until proven otherwise, probably my biggest downfall, yet I don’t know how to turn it off. I give trust and respect first and then go from there. Once it’s broken then I have a little more learyness toward them. But yet I still sort of trust them, I’m crazy!!

I’m guilty of this as well. but considering the alternative, i’m okay with this. I believe expecting honesty is a good quality in a person.

wise words, dietcoke

Well in my case, telling the truth nearly had me killed…
Snitching on a drug dealer, not a good idea…

So yeah sometimes lying is the right thing to do. I’m still alive thanks to it… :)

There is lieing, telling the truth and then there is keeping your mouth shut. I don’t like to usually beat around the bush cause it gets me in more trouble. But people seem to think I am so wise when my mouth is close. If they only knew what I wanted to say ;)

aeonblu & pseudoniem, Glad to know I’m not alone.

All people are not the same and in general people do lie and also tell the truth it depends on how the person thinks and the situation he/she is in and how it has influence their life through friends, family, society etc.

“There’s a time we must run and a time we must stay,
A time to just think and a time that’s for play;
A time to stand firm and a time we should sway -
Knowing when to do which is called wisdom.”

“There’s a road to avoid and a road we should take,
There’s drifting to do or decisions to make;
We try to be up, being downs a mistake -
Knowing how to do which is called wisdom.”

I always try to tell the truth but I do lie sometimes.

Never alone, pamark.

if enough p[eople believe a lie, it becomes truth.

That’s very 1984-esque. The regime is deleting history, so the past didn’t happen. Interesting thought, difficult to manage in the real world.
Dan

Dan, try picturing living in North Korea at the moment, or in some remote part of Iran. I’d say deciding by force what the truth should be and making people believe can work way too well, even in this time and age.

pamark wrote:
aeonblu & pseudoniem, Glad to know I’m not alone.

and im glad to hear i too am not alone. lol

I suppose so. Whether or not they actually believe that or not isn’t known. Again, another bit from 1984 is that the only thing a man truly has to himself is the few cubic centimeters inside his skull. That said, look at the late USSR. There were thousands of underground churches, learning groups, and political groups that came out of the shadow of communism in the early 90’s. When the official truth is a blatant lie, the real truth rarely dies. It, instead, goes underground. Even if not organized, people know what happens to people who state opposite of the official truth, and may keep opposing views to themselves.
Dan

I guess that lying is not good for me cause I stink at lying and everyone can see right through me when I do. It’s pretty embarrassing. Honesty earns me a bit of respect from people. Like when I say, “I left my homework at home,” instead of “Uh…my dog took it and tore it to pieces….” LOL.

True Dan, not all of them may believe it, but they have little else they can believe. I’ve read some research on totalitarianism that suggested that in such a regime (as in nzi-Germany or Stalin-Russia) people no longer believe that such a thing as the truth really exists. One day they can be told to believe one thing, the next the opposite, depending on the shifting goals of the government. I’ve seen political adverts from the Stalin era, it’s really weird to see Germany go from friend to foe and the USA from enemy to friend back to enemy again, all over the course of a few years. The general population didn’t always believe what the government told them, but most stopped believing at all. It generates a very weird kind of mind. Have you seen the movie Goodbye Lenin, or Das Leben der Anderen? They give a very good account of the craziness that was considered normal in Eastern Germany before 1989.