how about talk heart to heart with him?
tell him you’re care and worried about him, finds out what his thoughts about all of this first.
maybe he’s already happy and comfort that way,
and maybe you just have to care to him just the way he is :)
He lives with his mother and her health is not what it used to be. Happy or not when she dies he is screwed.
Have talked to him. He SAYS he want to change and he SAYS he wants help. But, all he really wants is for you to do every thing for him… the way his mother does.
he wants it? that’s a good start.
things get complicated I see with his mother things,
he lucky to have a friend like you that care and understand him.
does he got a job ? or responsible to something important ?
does he must take care of his mother all by himself ?
I understand it’s must be hard for you to stand by him all this time,
but he’s growing up man… with his own thoughts…
maybe ask him then, how can you help him,
and you can say, I can help you but there’s something you have to do too ….
(maybe he must be the one who suggest the way so more easy for him to follow)
so you’re not alone in this, he must helps his self to change too.
one thing for sure, he’s a growing up men, and what ever happen in the future is not for you to responsible.
once again he’s lucky to have you but he must help his self to make it work.
I’m sorry for not much help Sully.
I got him a job working at fed ex. He quit after 3.5 hours. “It was to hard”
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Sully wrote:
I got him a job working at fed ex. He quit after 3.5 hours. “It was to hard”
I’m sorry to hear that,
well, he must help him self then,
I think he must decide what he want to do first
then you’ll be there to support him…
good luck.
Silverwings wrote:
More than likely he will have to hit rock bottom before he decides to do for himself.. he apparently is very comfortable in his current position…
I agree silver… perhaps if he is in a spot where he has to take care of himself and also pull himself out of his own ruts, then real change will happen.
Invite Maximina to this discussion… she’s a teacher who has taught challenging students, maybe she will have some insight.
I know what you mean about stuff like that. silverwings is right when he comes to you for help, thats when you know he understands the situation he’s in. sit him down and explain to him that you wont always be their to pull him out of a hole, and you’ll do it once, and you’ll teach him how, but he has to pay attention and learn to do it for himself
Is this a case of pure laziness, or is there some sort of mental illness/cognitive disability going on here?
If it’s the latter, there might be vocational rehab options available to ease him into the working world.
Thats an idea. Vocational rehab.
He has “dyslexia” and has been told all his life there is nothing he can do about it. Thats my problem. I am fighting a lifetime of “your an idiot so dont try to fix it” syndrome.
I’ll be right back. Gota drive my bro to work.
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I have. As much as I love her (she baby sat me since I was born until I was about 6) she is much of the problem. He never knew his dad and she just lets him do as he pleases. Lately we have talked about what he will do when she is gone. But she does not put into practice anything we come up with to get him out into the real world. So, my question now is what to tell/ask his mother (or him) to push the right buttons?
Nothing is going to work until the mother gives him some tough love. And chances are, nothing you say to the mother is going to work. Classic enabling situation, if you ask me. It was nice of you to help your friend, but at some point, you need to quit, otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy.
I did quit once for about 3 years… Now I am getting ready to do it again for a while.
Whoa, and I thought wolves chasing you were scary :)
ease up, like flying a plane.
sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.Something you may already know.I just recently learned is,if you want someone to change-make them aware of their behavior.It’s working with my son.I know this is an old post and i don’t know all the particulars.but how is he?
He is more of the same. I do make him aware of his behavior. It really pisses him off sometimes. Thats when I think it is working. I think that, perhaps, if he gets upset enough at him self or just at me for being so annoying, he will actually try. That is what I can not stand the most. Not that he has learning disabilities but, that he dos not try.
i’m really glad you’re trying to help him out. if it were me, i would have gotten frustrated and smacked him over the head with a textbook by now.
some people just don’t value themselves and it frustrates me too.
my stepsister is never going to go anywhere with her life.
she doesn’t do good in school, does drugs.
her dream job is literally a manager at mcdonalds.
she believes that this will get her through life.
it makes me mad. i don’t want to pay taxes so that her lazy *** has welfare.
That type of thinking is just plain ‘Judgement’ Yes, it frustrates me just as much but to say someone is never going anywhere in life is saying you can predict the future and we all know that can’t be done.And she does drugs,That just means she has an addiction,which we all do.And for her to do such so called ‘meanial’ job thats just wrong.People who take th jobs have humbled themselves for others.You dont want to pay taxes? Dont work,cuz thats the only way that will happen.I know this looks like an attack of sorts but believe me when I say I see it as a lesson in understanding and I say it from the heart for your own good.
And I used to think the same.Im now older and wiser.
I have just seen this and thought that I would stick in my two pennath worth.
The reading problems experienced by your friend sounds to me like he could be dyslexic. At his age he wouldn’t of been tested for it as hardly anything was known about it back then.
My son is a dyslexic and your friend sounds just like him.
I know he is dyslexic. My spelling is bad bexuase I have a very savier case of dyslexia my self. He has been tested, also. On a plus note… My around the world trip seems to have blown his mind! He is taking reading lessons! I told him China would not aprove a visa for someone who has a mental deficiancy that prevents them from functioning in society. They gage this by wether you get money from the gov to support yourself. This seems to have struck the right nerve. He wants to see China and Japan. I told him that if he can get himself here I will take him around the country and we can go to Japan for a week also. He knows he needs money to do this and needs to not be collecting SSI for a mental disability.
I am really happy that he has found inspiration in you. Glad to hear that you guys are still friends.
Continue you journey through this wonderful world. Enjoy the blossom.
-Lee-
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