Mmmmm interesting problem. Life is never black and white - well that’s my experience anyway - and I am ‘a married woman’. I think the underlying message contained within your post was that ‘you don’t trust her’ and herein lies the problem - if you trusted her and believed her then this attraction and what is likely to happen between you wouldn’t be an issue - would it? I think you have to go with ‘your’ instincts and do what you believe is right for you - she certainly has her own agenda. Perhaps some space and time would help…
Thanks lifeforce! I am not sure if I should trust her. everything she says and does coincides… but something seems to be a little off… I tried telling her last night I wanted to give it space and I got sucke right back in… Ughh… I hate being vulnerable and weak. **** females.. LOL!!!!!!!!! :)
where i live, a person can’t get divorced unless they’ve been separated for at least a minimum amount of time (i can’t remember if it’s 9 mos or a year). - divorce is like the final step (except for collateral obligations, if there are are children involved). so i guess my questions are: is she separated? and what is it you don’t trust about her?
as for getting sucked back in - i can relate. i’m involved in a similar situation (except w/ a man who’s been separated for 3 yrs, on and off) - the trust issues i have wouldn’t end w/ the divorce b/c he’s still able to be manipulated by his ex. i’m also sucked in - which is causing me grief - but i’ve decided to try and figure out if maybe the reasons i’m weak have more to do w/ me than him (note, i’m still undecided on the point). i don’t know if that might apply to your situation as well.
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Shadylane, It’s 6 months where I am from, to answer the question they are not even separated yet. That is the in the paper work with the filing. So, the mistrust is the fact that I don’t really know cause they still live in the same house. When I went through my divorce I was like it’s over and either I’m leaving or your leaving(being a man it was me who ended up leaving)… but none the less when I said it was over it was over… no blurry lines no one last time booty calls… So ,it’s hard for me to imagine coHabitating with someone you “can’t stand”… that being said
Soul Searcher, I am really trying to believe in her, and that’s where my indecision(where I am usually so decisive) comes in… But I get the gist of your messege and I thank you for your response.
Wow, I am starting to realize, I seem to be somewhat close minded on the issue.
I am starting to feel better about this… The response from you all was surprisingly different than what I expected! I thought I’d get a bunch of don’t be a homewrecker you silly fool, comments.
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it’s a big decision to divorce, and it would appear that her decision to sever the marriage is bigger than you - so you can hardly be called a home-wrecker.
i would agree, though, to keep your eyes open. she’s not legally separated yet - so it’s hard to say how straight-forward or complicated the process will be. and you don’t want to be a rebound - (i’m not saying that there’s not genuine sentiment there, but i believe the ‘rebound phenomenon’ is more about a person’s circumstance and their unconscious mindset during that period of time rather than simply attraction). but if you’re both compatible then that’s also a big thing.
finally - i would just like to say that it’s one thing to be legally defined as separated or divorced, and it’s another thing altogether for one to be mentally ‘divorced’ from their marriage or ex-spouse. one could be mentally divorced b/f or even after a divorce is finalized - and that’s what i think you need to keep an eye out for. good luck.
Well The Rebound Phenom is a huge question for me as well.. Am I just the outlet to support her emotionally while she is going through rough times? and even if so will there be room for me when she is throught it? Personnally, I wanted nothing to do with a relationship for about a year after my divorce. So, I think most likely I would be the rebound… But her Best friend approached me and said I she REaLLY liked me and couldn’t wait for this to be over… I just said Oh yeah… and walked away!
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OMG, SoulSearcher I am trying… That probably explains why I haven’t had a relationship in 7 years… LOL… and now a married chic floats into my ife and I want it… What irony is that?
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Personally, I would never be with a woman who couldn’t make her commitment work. If she is getting chummy with you while still married I would has to ask myself is she capable of doing this too me down the road?
If the woman was being beaten or treated like pure **** that is one thing, but to leave a marriage because one side gives up is wrong in my eyes and shows a lack of integrity and character.
Love is a crapshoot, so I couldn’t possibly tell you what your future holds together, but I will leave you with a warning ~smiles~.
Occult you couldn’t have better stated my reservations.. Although, I am divorced as well so I’m basically the pot calling the Kettle BLack, although I didn’t go outside my marriage until I at least left the domain for good.
Yeah, what I was trying to convey also is regardless of the divorce issue, if she is coming on to you and she is married it means she is unfaithful ~smiles~.
If your only source of information is her, you have reason to doubt. If she has provided no proof of what she’s doing, does not respect your request for space and time, then that also smacks of something not quite right.
What law office is she working with?
Here’s the thing. Thought it’s sometimes an honest thing, it’s usually not. What I’d like to hear is what she’s told you about her husband and the relationship, and causes of the divorce.
Keep in mind, anyone can be nice for about three months.
Remember, too, that when a manipulator targets you, you may get gut feelings that something’s not right, but may not see it, because the manipulator is figuring out your buttons.
Has she changed a story to make it more effective for you? The truth doesn’t change.
These constant communications may be efforts to keep you close for her own need to be able to more from one caregiver to another.
If she chooses to divorce because she’s counting on you to be there, that may make you feel obligated. How awesome is this woman? Too good to be true?
Two months and she’s ready to leave her husband? Wow. I wish I had such an awesome woman.
Details, bro, and we’ll do our best to give you the skinny on whether or not this is a total manipulation.
S’up Oster, Well I didn’t say she was leaving her husband for me… i knew that before we started really hanging out…
The truth hasn’t changed as far as her reasons, (i.e. He’s verbally abusive, not affectionate, and won’t do anything with his life) and I’ve had mutual friends collaborate that he is and does all those things… One of my friends just yesterday said “Dude, that doesn’t surprise me one bit, he’s a di*K”
However my gut feelings do tell me that something is wrong. She makes plans then suddenly has to cancel them. She as of late has been spending more and more time at home… I confronted her about it and she says “I know this sucks but it won’t be like this much longer”…
I definately on the side of caution when it comes to going from one caregiver to the other. I am not about supporting someone and if that is what she is expecting she should go ahead and take a dive off a short pier… That is the least of my worries… I’m pretty adiment(sp) about that…
I have been through enough relationships to know that people change and about the whole “honeymoon period, chit”. But I will say so far she’s a pretty cool chick, like lots of the same stuff I do to include football… She is a social creature as I am, She has a good sense of humor and quick wit, She’s HOT (we all know how important that is… LOL), Doesn’t seem to have a ton of inhibitions, Speaks honestly and frankly (actions my be different, thats what I am trying to figure out) and seems to be able to be self sufficient. The only knock is That she might be a little bit of “HIGH MAINTENANCE”
Well, if you want to take a chance you can’t fool your subconscious mind. And you will more than likely drag those issues that make you apprehensive into the relationship ~smiles~, so just becareful if you decide to go for it ~smiles~.
S’up Steed.
If your friends are going by their own observations about him and not going on her word, that’s good. I generally feel as you do that there should be no reason to hide anything, but, hey, I guess she’s doing a pretty good job of hiding her relationship with you from her husband, and maybe she’s having to stay at home more because he’s suspicious.
You’re involved with a married woman, it’s not cut and dry.
So, chill. K?
Yeah I think I was having a bad day yesterday actually… My whole attidtude was pretty pi**y yesterday…
I just decided I continue with it for what it is… and just chill’n… but I quit the call’n her if she wants somethin she can call me (which she does every morn and eve) I will no longer ask her to do things she can ask me and if I’m available I am if not I’m not…
Most importantly, I am gonna find a couple of others to date. it’s too many eggs in one basket as it is. It is a selection process right?
Yeah, you gotta catch a lot of fish to find the big un! ~smiles~
You have every right to find the relationship you want.
Ideally, we end one serious, committed relationship before starting anything with anyone else. If those are your ethics, draw the line. Don’t know if this is how you feel exactly, but you can tell her you take marriage commitments seriously, and if she was married to you and wanted a divorce, you’d want her and you to respect each other enough to end the relationship before getting involved with someone else.
You can tell her your interested, but you’re not settled. She may think twice about her motivations.
Deepandmeaningful
eqspike
OccultPizz
Oster: Gettin' It.