[Help] Is what Im doing wrong ?

Reply from magic dust

magic dust — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 23:16:39 +0100

girls r good at understandin stuff

if u nva tell her ur feelings ull regret it for the rest of ur life n ullwonder wat it wld b like to b wid her

my advice tell her yeh it mite break up ur relationship bt ull regret it if u dnt
get up da courage n tell her c wat happens once u told her u cnt do nuthin mr it b up to her c wat happens b4ore u dnt n regret it 4eva

Reply from Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 07:46:03 +0100

Don’t be afraid of what you could lose.. That’s the biggest barrier we put in front of ourselves in life. Think of how much more you could get. :)

Reply from Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 07:43:43 +0100

I think you should tell her. For yourself. To get it off your chest and so you can either move forward with this or get closure as you said. At least so you can know where you stand. She sounds like she really cares about you so I don’t think you would lose her friendship…but if you keep it to yourself, it’s your mind you’ll lose along the way. I’ve been there! It seems fine at the sart and you think you can handle it, but if you really love her you’ll get lost in all the details and all the signs and what they mean…and it’ll become so confusing you’ll wish you had told her a long long time ago! If you love her this much, don’t watch her go away or you could really regret it. At least if you try, you’ll be able to say you did the best you could.
Personally, I was really afraid and at the time it seemed like I had a lot to lose (in both my relationship and his friendship)if I let him know…so I couldn’t decide what to do…but now that I’ve pretty much missed my chance, I realise I had everything to gain and now it’s gone. I lost everything. And it hurts. So don’t do what I did! :)

Reply from tanya2731

tanya2731 — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 06:15:57 +0100

Aww.. Dan..that is sooo powerful..if u love her ..tell her. dont be afraid..i can tell u really care about her..dont hold back ur emotions..tell her how u feel….i would..:)

Reply from bravomechani

bravomechani — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 03:14:45 +0100

I think you should look seriously at the reply from sarahfromemle. You are accepting the situation as it is, which is all you can do, to stand any chance of gaining the person you love. This worked in the senders reply, the lesson being that she was prepared to let someone go and be with someone else, in order to make them happy. By showing that she was prepared to sacrifice her love in the first instance, may have triggered deeper feelings in the person she loved (though I am no expert), however it certainly shows inner strength and deep respect for the other person.

If you can be her best friend as you are doing, this may well work, though you need to be comfortable with yourself that this is how you are going to behave, and see what happens. Express feelings towards her, though probably advisable not to get too heavy. The risk is it could jeopardise your friendship by creating tension next time you meet up/talk. However if she values your friendship this probably won’t stand between you, and you can move on as friends.

Reply from Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:35:06 +0100

Ughh… decisions,decisions…
-I want to tell her; to get it off me and just let her know, even so i can just move on, or get closure.
-I don’t want to tell her; Cause her friendship is SOO valuable to me (shes always there for me when im down, she seems to always care how im doing)
Ugh… What to do. I guess when the time is right, I will do it, and the only way to find out where this path leads is to walk it.

Reply from sarahfromemle

sarahfromemle — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 16:47:27 +0100

RIGHT.
the way I see it:

Say she doesn’t have feelings for u.

If u were to tell her, would she:

a) Freak out and never speak to u again? (from last time, I doubt this)

b) Come to terms with it, but u risk things being awkward between u.

c) Accept it, and things would carry on as before. (It can happen sometimes)

but if she’s into u, she might just change her mind! argh I c ur problem.

Years ago, I started liking a guy. He asked out my best friend(at the time), who KNEW how I felt about him, she didn’t like him, but sed yes anyway cos she wanted a bf! lol. Needless to say the relationship didn’t last. However, I continued being crazy about him for 5 whole years. never said a word about it to him, I was miserable.
I got over him in time, and mended my broken heart, lol.

Then, a year later I start like someone else. I didn’t want to get into the same mess, so I tried to get over him, but I just couldn’t: we were so perfect for each other, and we were BEST FRIENDS (see where I’m going with this??)

but, I didn’t say anything. Then one day, he enlisted my help to go out with…my best friend. (this is a different one).

who didn’t like him (anyone see a pattern forming here?)

BUT she could see that I liked him, despite me not owning up to it, and how good we would b together, and sed no.

But u c, I’d loved him enough to give him up, and see him with sum1 else, because that’s how I thought he’d b happy. I fear that u may have to do the same.

BUT….

in time, by some MIRACLE, he changed his mind.
He got totally over her…and starting liking me.

we are now very happy together, in fact, we’re going to get married!!!

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN! so, think about what could possibly happen, consider every outcome, before doing anything.

You might end up with a broken heart, or u cud get the girl.
My heart goes out to u.

it DOES sound like she’s happy with her bf though. In that case, all you can do is be her friend, and support her, or distance urself from her in order to get over her. If the former, u risk spending the rest of ur life miserable, unable to move on, but if they break up, u might b in there! If the latter, u’ll lose a friend and miss her dreadfully. I’m not helping lol. I should leave this to people who aren’t disaster areas relationship wise. But u see, things worked out for me, and I thought I had NO hope. Things could work out for u too.

Reply from Richard cor de lyon

Richard cor de lyon — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 14:25:08 +0100

Love is a two way street. Unrequited love is not true love. It is painful infatuation. The only thing you are doing wrong is to involve yourself in painful infatuation. Stop it.

As I said you cannot know being in love unless you are getting back what you are giving (a two way street). Since she loves her boyfriend, as you tell us, that means she does not love you, and in my opinion, you cannot be truly in love with her. Trust me your painful infatuation is very close to love, yes… but you know as well as I, if she were to return your feelings to you, you’d be in HEAVEN!!! - THAT is love. So tell her how you feel. She will either give you a chance or deny you the chance. Either way you will live on to ‘love’ again.
Bright blessings ~ Richard

Reply from Khalivarsha²

Khalivarsha² — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 10:44:21 +0100

Your love sounds genuine from that little message, and when it is genuine it feels so unique, so unending. But, on a more logical note, there are 3.5 billion female humans on this planet. If you throw all of your love on this girl, either you will get her but you will be the one responsible for her breakup, or (statistically more likely) you will shove a big awkward wedge between you two. I’d say, go experience some of those other 3.5 billion, and you assuredly will find out that some of them are amazing in ways you’d never expect and that love is expansive, not necessarily restricted to two people. Then you get the best of both worlds, a chance to love openly and you get to keep your best friend.

Reply from I will be you

I will be you — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 10:00:18 +0100

wow, you really do love her, that little messege is soo sweet. it sounds like she does have feelings for you from what you said, she might be a little nervous about sharing them too. You should tell her. Good luck

Reply from Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 09:47:15 +0100

I want to tell her soo badly, I just dont know whats going to happend. Am I going to loose the greatest friend i’ve ever had ? Will i loose the one first love ? What if I did tell her? :::

“{her name}, I think its time i tell you,… I love you, i love you soo much. you are the most amazing person that has ever come into my life, everything about you i love, your up beat humor, your laugh, your smile,. That day at the park (when i told her i had a crush) and you helped me open up, my feelings just grew. I know no words that can describe how i feel about you, but i’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I guess you were right; I will one day say it… “i love you”. I know you love {his name} and if your happy, then Im so happy for you, cause you truley deserve it and so much more. I just wanted tell you ”

Reply from Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 08:48:07 +0100

Its alright, I mean if she never EVER has feelings for me I’ll still love her, its who she is that has such a grip on me. Its strange she is the personification of what I dream.
Thats the thing to, she seems to show signs that she has feelings for me (calling late at night talk for hours, tells me im her insperation, i found drawing of me in her folder (shes good), and one that really stuck me is when her sis kicked her out she said “I was going to ask if I could stay with you, cause… your so close [not geographicly]” but didn’t think her BF would be to comfortable with that.

Reply from Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 08:38:08 +0100

I know how you feel. Sorry I can’t help much.. it’s a tough situation. The best advice I can give you is if you think she loves her BF and would not choose you, run as fast as you can as it will only get more painful. BUT, I was/am in your friend’s situation. I’m the one with the BF and actually, if the guy had told me he loved me, I think it would have turned my whole life around. I think I could see it but could never tell for sure and I was scared he didn’t love me so I hid my feelings for him and then time slipped and here I am still with my BF. I’m not sure what happened. I say, don’t go too fast as being in your friend’s situation is a lot more complicated than it seems, but DO let her know how you really feel. You never know, she may just feel the same, but just needs some time.

Reply from AlmostLuver

AlmostLuver — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 08:27:53 +0100

You’re not doing anything wrong–you can’t control your emotions, you can’t always pick who you love. I’m proud of you, even though I don’t know you, because you are letting her have her relationship without any trouble. I know how hard it is to love someone and watch them with someone else. It hurts really bad. You are doing a wonderful job. Just give her some time. Maybe, hopefully, she’ll come to love you too. Maybe she already does…