[Help] I'm sorry.

Reply from Sully

Sully — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 02:52:10 +0100

I need to think. I am profiling you actively now btw… I will read this post as it goes on but you may not hear from me for a while.

5 users were invited to read this post by Fizz

Fizz — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:14:58 +0100

Reply from Fizz

Fizz — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:13:33 +0100

Let me ask you a question and think long and hard before you answer please.

Do you want to live?

If you do not eat, you will not live. Food gives us the necessary nutrients our bodies need to live.

Your Dad was wrong for saying what he did, very and plainly wrong, but sometimes for parents it reaches a point where we don’t know what to say. We see our kids hurting themselves and we see how much it is hurting our spouses.

We want everybody to stop hurting and sometimes we say the wrong things. I’m not saying this is the case with your Dad, I couldn’t say that, I don’t know him, but I want you to consider the possibility.

Are you seeing anyone yet? You said that you were being referred to a psychiatrist, has the appointment been set up?

If your Mom didn’t care how you felt this wouldn’t hurt her! You have to understand that. She cares, it shows so much in everything you say about her.

I care about how you feel, but if what you want isn’t good for you, then I don’t want you to have what you want, because I CARE!

I care about you having the GOOD and positive things that you want. Not eating is not good or positive. You have to eat or YOU WILL DIE! I don’t want you to die, I adore you and I adore our friendship.

Reply from cookies and cream

cookies and cream — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 23:51:22 +0100

Out of this what do I want? Well there is nothing I want from eating, there is nothing I think I would honestly get. I eat because I don’t dare defy my parents so openly and (for the time being, anyway) there is no way I can get rid of the food they give me. From not eating there is so much I want and, sad to say, I do actually get a lot from it. I know what it’s like to have an eating disorder and I know it’s not fun… I also know the only times it’s not fun is when I eat. Don’t eat, and you keep the piece. Don’t eat… I don’t have an issue with that at all.
No Sully, I don’t think my mum would listen to me if I wrote out a long term plan. She just wants me to do what will make her feel better, so if that’s eat five breakfasts then so be it, that’s what I have to do. I don’t think Dad cares how I feel that much, he just doesn’t want to upset mum. Well, as he so lovingly put it this morning; ‘This isn’t about what you want or feel, it’s about your mother’.

I have to say today has been such a godawful day. They make it such an unnecessary ordeal for me but when I tell them how to make it easier (and by that, I mean still with eating the same amounts) they don’t listen. Because they don’t care for what I want or feel - as long as they are happy then where’s the problem?

The thing is, the worse they make it the more I want to throw away the food they give me. It could be so much easier for me but they don’t care, what I want is completely irrelevant.

All I want is for this to die down so I can stop eating again. I just want to not have to eat again. I miss that. Next time I don’t have to eat, I really am going to make the most of it. I miss the old me, the better me, I’m nothing now and I’m just biding my time right now. Waiting.

Reply from Sully

Sully — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 02:52:48 +0100

Hmmm… That makes things a little more difficult. Them not knowing.

Do you think your mum would listen to you if you wrote out a long turm plan that would make this easier for you?

Reply from Maximina

Maximina — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 01:21:21 +0100

*Maximina gives cookies a big hug and tells her everything will be ok*
Honey you are not perfect, none of us are, after all we are human. Remember your mom and dad are also human, so I bet they too have made millions of mistakes. It is ok that you fell down, because you will get up again and start to walk once again with your head held high. We all love you here and are here to listen anytime you need it!!! Hang in there and hold tight to your belief that everything will be ok. As human we are all just a little insane, it is in our genes. The best thing you may possible be able to do for yourself is to focus on some of the things in your life that you are passionate about that have nothing to do with weight.

Reply from spiritedsoul

spiritedsoul — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:29:53 +0100

well, what out of this do u well and truly want?

Reply from cookies and cream

cookies and cream — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:14:27 +0100

No I don’t really. I don’t have time! Mrrrrf. No, I don’t really spend a lot of my time obsessing over people who are thinner than me. It would make sense if I did! But I don’t.

Reply from spiritedsoul

spiritedsoul — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 23:58:02 +0100

[quote mills]its all good we still love ya no matter what happens :)[/quote]
nice :)

Reply from spiritedsoul

spiritedsoul — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 23:57:00 +0100

let me ask, do you view a lot of the media about?
do u look at magazines and television a lot which are based on beauty and being slim?

Reply from cookies and cream

cookies and cream — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:55:22 +0100

Mum is more supportive to me I guess. I hate hurting her like this. I don’t know how to put into words, but it’s horrible, to know what I’ve done and to know it’s all my fault. Yes I’m eating (not that I have the choice) and yes I’m trying, but it’s making me sad. I don’t know how else to say it, just to be this and to do this and to be going through this is making me sad, and I’m not even the type to get sad. I want someone to listen but I don’t know who that someone is anymore.
No, my parents don’t know about any of you, they don’t know about help.com or anything.
And thank you for taking my apology. I really do mean it.
I love you guys.

Reply from mills

mills — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:16:26 +0100

its all good we still love ya no matter what happens :)

Reply from Richard cor de lyon

Richard cor de lyon — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 06:36:29 +0100

I love you Charlie

Reply from Ditzy

Ditzy — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 06:12:08 +0100

that is a very interesting point of view Sully :D and thinking about it - I accept the apology too coz its needed sorta

Reply from Sully

Sully — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 06:03:34 +0100

Who is more supportive to you? Mum or Pa?
Does your family know about help.com?
Does your family know you speak to anyone online?

These may seem unrelated. But the way you answer them will determine the form in which I can help best.

I know what you are saying in your post. And the apology is excepted graciously.
I love you. I will do what ever is in my power to help. That can be quite a lot if you let it be.

For those saying it is not necessary: It is to her. Saying there is no need when she sees a need is discounting her view and undermining it as unimportant. This is what made her upset to begin with. Not being heard. Not by us, perhaps. By family, friends, possibly teachers… Even more to the point. They may have heard. They just don’t bother to acknowledge to her that they have. She goes on “knowing” no one cares. True or not is irrelevant. Her perceptions are what matter.

Reply from Fizz

Fizz — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 03:20:07 +0100

Oh sweetie, I know it’s hard, but your parents are just trying to do whatever they can to help you, because they love you. Please don’t beat yourself up, you are a darling sweet person. You take as long as you need to take and when you are stronger I know that you will give, you have a beautiful heart, I’ve seen it. I’ll talk to you soon.

Reply from - Fourthings -

- Fourthings - — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:24:26 +0100

Just keep going through the motions, do it for them, and like I said, in time, you’ll be doing it for yourself. Just hang in there you’re well able for this! :]

Reply from Jake101

Jake101 — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:20:40 +0100

Don’t be hard on yourself kid…you are human like the rest of us! Hugs!!!

Reply from cookies and cream

cookies and cream — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 00:48:59 +0100

Hmm. Maybe I should let you know what’s happening for those who don’t.

Well I think we all know I have a little problem when it comes to eating. I was trying to get myself better and I was actually doing pretty well. Then I slipped, and… well, I guess I landed hard. Last week I didn’t eat for 6 days, and school got to know about it. So I had to go through a big dealio with them, and if I ate they wouldn’t have to do anything about it. I tried to eat but it made me ill, so… following their ohhh so great policy, my parents had to know.
And after a lot of yelling, a lot of tears and a sister who got her shoes on and tried to walk out, they got it out of me, they found out I had a problem. And I have to say, they have been supportive.
But it does mean I have to eat three meals a day.

I went to the doctors yesterday and I’m being referred to a psychiatrist but I have no idea when I’m going to get an appointment. School (actually, they have been great) have added to my referral so now I’m listed as a ‘high priority’… maybe I’m officially crazy.

The big thing is in all of this… we’re playing a waiting game. There’s only so much I can force myself to do, so long I can force myself to eat. I have no idea what to do in the long run. I don’t know how to cope. This isn’t fun and it’s actually bloody awful.

There’s arguments and panics, parents making me eat a lot and pretending it’s a normal amount, not even letting me dish up my own dinners. I don’t know why but I can’t cope with it, I can’t cope with another family mealtime. If it wasn’t for my little sister there I don’t think I would eat… well, I wouldn’t be able to refuse it because that wouldn’t be allowed to happen but sitting there, it’s actual torture and I can’t do it anymore, I can’t have this happening, not knowing when I will get help, not knowing when I’m going to be able to do this… if ever.

Reply from aliloo

aliloo — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 00:36:28 +0100

i’m brand new to this site but can say….you jumped in and immediately helped me when i posted. baby, we can and do all hurt those we love. If you are really being true to yourself and are solid in it, then you keep standing solid. If you are doing what you can to make you right with you, then stand solid! i’m a daughter and a mother and have struggled with both sides in trying to make things right. sometimes you just have to do what you need to do and then sit back. breath in deep, keep your self healthy and believe in you.

Reply from - Fourthings -

- Fourthings - — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:39:14 +0100

I know the feeling, but there is something you can do, recover, be healthy, and be happy, that’s what will make them happiest. So figure out what you have to do to accomplish these things, you’re more then able to do it! They’ll get over it, just work your hardest at being healthy and happy, if not for yourself, then for them, and in time you’ll grow to want to do it for yourself. I wish you the best of luck! And we’re always here ;] *huggles*

Reply from cookies and cream

cookies and cream — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:33:33 +0100

Thank you people :) I do love you.

But… grr. I can’t even describe how I feel but it’s like… I’ve upset everyone, and especially my family, my family and my friends and it’s so awful. When you see people upset, when you see them cry and you know it’s all your fault, and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s so hard to even bear to live with yourself when you can see people miserable and upset, people who are your rocks who are crying because of you and you can’t change any of it, when they’re so miserable like their lives are awful and it’s all my fault and I can’t cope. I want to say sorry so much and I am but it’s not like I can just apologise and make it all better.
*cries*

Reply from *lilies

*lilies — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:12:47 +0100

Well, you know what i am going to say but i’ll say it anyway. hehehe

We love you Charlie! and I miss you!
Having a bad day? Lots of hugs!

Reply from raiLOVESyou

raiLOVESyou — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:46:35 +0100

You shouldn’t be sorry, I don’t even see what you described in you. You’re totally awesome and nothing can change that.

Love ya. :)

Reply from Ditzy

Ditzy — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:41:34 +0100

[quote -fourthings-]Don’t be sorry, we’re all here for you to support you, like you have been for us, we all go through bad times, and that’s why we’re here. *hugs tight*[/quote]

Think 4 said it all really :) this is wot friends are for! besides you’ve helped me a lot in the past - now its my turn to help you! ~squidges~

Reply from ɐʇɐɯɹǝɟ.Suc

ɐʇɐɯɹǝɟ.Suc — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:04:37 +0100

Charlie, every single thing you apologised for is false. Don’t be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for.
We love you xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reply from ~LazyDaze

~LazyDaze — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:51:38 +0100

why do you feel this way?

You know that none of see you the way you described.

Reply from spiritedsoul

spiritedsoul — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:42:38 +0100

i done more posts than most people on here likely and not done as much helping in comparison to others.

Reply from gimli

gimli — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:42:35 +0100

Go to your room and stay there. And no tea for you!

Reply from spiritedsoul

spiritedsoul — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:40:20 +0100

i am one the one does the most taking lol

Reply from bookworm16

bookworm16 — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:30:14 +0100

Charlie, you always give!
That’s why I love you!
And you are a friend, if anybody fails at friendship, it’s me and you know it!
And everybody’s allowed to be rude and snappy sometimes (I just am all the time)
Basically Charlie, I love you and half the time I don’t notice any of the bad things about you, they aren’t bad, only you think they are!
xxxxx

Reply from SARAH!

SARAH! — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:29:22 +0100

*Sarah loves cookies and doesnt know what she’s ranting on about*

C - you are an angel, and we all do those things, we are only human.

Reply from - Fourthings -

- Fourthings - — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:29:03 +0100

Don’t be sorry, we’re all here for you to support you, like you have been for us, we all go through bad times, and that’s why we’re here. *hugs tight*

43 users were invited to read this post by cookies and cream

cookies and cream — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:27:46 +0100