Thank you so much for the information you provided me with. My husband and I have actually decided to work things out and I am in the process of getting signed up for his benefits and ID etc. I am blessed by all of the people that opened their hearts to me in my time of need. God bless you all for that.

So it looks like your husband has redeeming qualities after all. New responsibilities were overwhelming him. Now, I recommend that you both get into some marriage counseling. This will help you understand each other’s feelings and needs, and more than anything else, will show you how to communicate with each other in nonthreatening ways. This is important. Many couples have a problem communicating things to each other. It’s important to be able to express how you feel without “personalizing” the argument, i.e., attacking the other person.

When the baby arrives, try to give your husband love and attention, also. A lot of guys feel neglected by their wives after the arrival of a child, and divorces often follow that first child. What OFTEN happens if a couple is having problems is that the wife overfocuses on the child to avoid contact with her husband. This is a doomed strategy. INVOLVE your husband and praise him when he does something good. Men thrive on praise. Give him a chance to be your “hero,” and he’ll most likely rise to the occasion. Help to remove his fears and anxieties by reassuring him of your love.

He needs to reassure you, too, and this can take place at home and in a counseling environment. By the way, seeking a marriage counselor is not just for dysfunctional couples. SMART couples do it, too, because they want their marriage to be the best possible!

It sounds like your husband had fears about being inadequate for his new roles. He was hit with being a husband and then being a father almost immediately afterwards. Reassure him. I hate to say it, but we men need lots and lots of reassurance from the women in our lives. A lot of women DO walk at the first sign of trouble, and guys know it. Let him know you’re not going to walk out the first time things become stressful! VERY likely he was afraid he’d cause you to do that, and he just “wanted to get it over with.” That’s the basis of self-fulfilling prophecies.

Good luck to you both![/quote]

I can’t begin to thank you for all of your support!! I always wondered about bringing babies into this world, but people like you give me hope. Thank you again. May God bless and keep you is my prayer.

So it looks like your husband has redeeming qualities after all. New responsibilities were overwhelming him. Now, I recommend that you both get into some marriage counseling. This will help you understand each other’s feelings and needs, and more than anything else, will show you how to communicate with each other in nonthreatening ways. This is important. Many couples have a problem communicating things to each other. It’s important to be able to express how you feel without “personalizing” the argument, i.e., attacking the other person.

When the baby arrives, try to give your husband love and attention, also. A lot of guys feel neglected by their wives after the arrival of a child, and divorces often follow that first child. What OFTEN happens if a couple is having problems is that the wife overfocuses on the child to avoid contact with her husband. This is a doomed strategy. INVOLVE your husband and praise him when he does something good. Men thrive on praise. Give him a chance to be your “hero,” and he’ll most likely rise to the occasion. Help to remove his fears and anxieties by reassuring him of your love.

He needs to reassure you, too, and this can take place at home and in a counseling environment. By the way, seeking a marriage counselor is not just for dysfunctional couples. SMART couples do it, too, because they want their marriage to be the best possible!

It sounds like your husband had fears about being inadequate for his new roles. He was hit with being a husband and then being a father almost immediately afterwards. Reassure him. I hate to say it, but we men need lots and lots of reassurance from the women in our lives. A lot of women DO walk at the first sign of trouble, and guys know it. Let him know you’re not going to walk out the first time things become stressful! VERY likely he was afraid he’d cause you to do that, and he just “wanted to get it over with.” That’s the basis of self-fulfilling prophecies.

Good luck to you both!

Follow the advice of Chev. I also suggest you keep the marriage license in your presence just in case your husband decides that he is going to make it even more difficult for you and “destroy” it. (The county clerk will have your information on file, but it is a pain to have to obtain another copy.) Also have your husband’s SSN handy as this may help track him in case you don’t know any unit information about him.

It is pertinent that you take advantage of the military medical benefits! Don’t delay or turn down the medical help that you will need. It will be difficult to maintain the medical needs you will require as you progress in the pregnancy, and the military can help you!

Other than that, make sure that your family and friends know what is going on. Make sure you location is always known. I don’t mean to speculate that anything may go awry, but recently there were a Marine in NC who is speculated to have committed a heinous crime against a fellow (female and pregnant) Marine. You and your unborn child’s safety is paramount.

I don’t want to leave. I didn’t drink before we got married and he knew that then. He also knew I was pregnant. I didn’t force this marriage thing. He wanted it long before the baby even came into play. I asked him at least a million times if he was sure and ready… Even the night before we tied the knot. His response was always yes I love you. Then, as soon as we were married he started freaking out about how I don’t like to go to the club every weekend and drink etc. He said our problems are not surface level, they are just who we are so they can’t be changed. My only problem is that I haven’t changed since the very beginning. Why is it such an issue now? Anyway, I don’t know how to get in contact with the chaplain. I haven’t been given an ID card so I may have a hard time getting on base. I’m just scared. I’m 2 months pregnant with no support from my husband. I told him I made vows before God and that I will honor them until I am released from them. I told him that I’m not leaving and that I am his wife and he is my husband and that’s that. It’s just so hard to keep my head up under these circumstances. I could see if I was a bad wife… Even he admits that I’m wonderful. I just don’t get it..

You were “the man” for this problem. I feel better for her. I hope she feels some relief from such an expert. Great suggestions.
Poster, I hope he is just young and making a mistake. Do try to suggest counseling with your husband. I hope it all goes well. Such a shame, and Im sure you are feeling very out of sorts. Good Luck to you and your family.