[Help] I have not been very happy over the last few years, I'm allegedly very good at my job ...

Reply from eagle40

eagle40 — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:46:01 +0100

Thank you… really

Reply from Srinh

Srinh — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 11:33:50 +0100

Eagle, that is amazing. You are a very strong woman. It seems like your husband is a man in the dessert, thirsting and you are water. He needs you because you comfort, replenish him. But, it’s too much. It’s taking a toll on you. maybe your body’s having miscarriages on purpose? Or maybe you do love him and want to continue in your relationship. It all boils down to this. Does this man love you? and do you love him? If the answer to both of these are yes. Then work it out. If either of the answers to the questions are no? Then, you should re-evaluate your position. You can have a new life. You do not have any ties now, just financial, legal. And emotional too. But the emotional ties can be worked out. The best thing to do, will be to talk with him about it. Just talk with him and come to a compromise (as best as you can). Just know what you want to do before you enter talks and stick with your guns. But please take care of yourself. I hope this ends up well.

Reply from eagle40

eagle40 — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 10:17:56 +0100

Thank you anon (same anon lol). I think i’m trying to get strength together to do that as health has suffered…have tried to leave in past…he turns really really nasty then…sometimes the logistics just seem overwhelming…selling the house…moving…his temper…my feelings of weakness…my sadness for him…

glad you got away :-)

Reply from Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 10:01:54 +0100

I was once in a a relationship where i was being psychologically abused and ended up in councelling. For months i thought it was me that made my partner act how he did. i couldn’t see alight at the end of the tunnel. I thought I was a bad person. We split up eventually and once I was away from him it was as if a huge weight had been taken from me. As heard and as painful as it would be maybe having some time apart might do you good?

(same anon)

Reply from eagle40

eagle40 — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:58:28 +0100

Thanks anon … you re not useless…advise good!!!!…Yes we did go to relate…he shouted at the poor counsellor and she told me he was psychologically abusing me…that was about a year ago…he is a psychologist you see and he doesn’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with him…in his case counselling seems to make things worse

Reply from Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:45:30 +0100

Have you thought of having couples councelling? It might be worth contacting an organisation such as relate: www.relate.org.uk who specialise in relationship councelling. It sounds like he has problems he needs to work through both on his own with youself.

I feel a bit useless not being able to offer any more advice. I hope it all works out for you. chin up

Reply from eagle40

eagle40 — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:52:37 +0100

Thanks…seriously :-)

Reply from Times' gone mad

Times' gone mad — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:00:06 +0100

Considering the home life it is not a surprise that you are insecure about other aspects of your life.

Sounds like he really needs some help.

Reply from theresape

theresape — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:13:27 +0100

Between the miscarriage and your husband’s abusive and abrupt changes in personality, I hesitate to give you any advice at all: I am just really glad that you are getting the professional counseling you need. It would seem to me essential that he be brought into that process if it is going to work out for you as a couple. Undoubtedly he has his own stake in grief, and if there is any future for you as a family, I think you need to help and support and console each other. It’s not a solitary process.

Whatever path you decide on—to become closer to him or to separate from him and reclaim your own life—I wish you the very best. My prayers are with you.

The post was edited by eagle40

eagle40 — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:54:22 +0100