[Help] when someone is a liar and they don't want to be

Reply from porky_08290

porky_08290 — Sun, 10 May 2009 15:50:59 +0100

My husband is a bad liar he lies about anything and everything and his lies are very bad we have been married for 2 years and we are about to get a divorce because I don’t think there is anything that will help him his family and me have given up hope I’m really sadden about all of it I love him very much we have two kids I don’t want them to be around him because I think he will rub of on them. Can someone give me advice.

Reply from mjessu

mjessu — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:24:43 +0100

I am that person and I hate it. Why do I do it? Where do I get help. it’s ruining my life and marriage. I’ve pushed away the one person who i’d lay my life down for. Where do I get the help I need?

Reply from tp2011

tp2011 — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:40:14 +0100

im not trying to discurage you. that is something i have come to relize wiyh my daughter and only my opinoin and i know others who are like that. only you can decide what you want and if you can deal with every thing.let your heart lead you most of all.

Reply from VnP06

VnP06 — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 22:42:02 +0100

wow… i never thought of it like that tp2011… that IS discouraging…

Reply from tp2011

tp2011 — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 04:19:20 +0100

i know its different but my daughter is a pathological liar and she was in therapy for a long time but it didnt help her. not trying to discourage you but ive been there with my kid when she turned 18 and finished school she left havent heard from her since july. getting help is a start but if they have been that way from birth they can kind of change but they are wired that way from my personal experience you will always be lied to no matter how much they want to change.thats what they know its not their fault they are just wired wrong

Reply from seas light

seas light — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:44:45 +0100

Only time will tellif these treatments will work. . He is getting help with this. He couldeasily refuse I assume. Givehim the benefit of the doubt. If you dont trust he’ll change,then you need to get out now.Otherwise, give him the support he needsright now to succeed.If heis worth it to you, then you have to grant him this benefit to change, and trust that he will from now on. All the best to you :)

Reply from pedagogy

pedagogy — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:32:04 +0100

You both seem to be struggling. That will either make your relationship stronger, if you are both willing to make sacrifices and still maintain the love. Or, you both will be devasted (or just one of you…). Let him know there is a breaking point, and you are only willing to bend so far for him. Trust is the only foundation for a relationship. Without that, it is hard to tell you to be optimistic. I hope for all the best.

Reply from VnP06

VnP06 — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:27:35 +0100

he is currently in treatment… i just never know if it will really help or if he could easily revert back to his old ways…

Reply from pedagogy

pedagogy — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:24:53 +0100

Please advocate that they get professional, medical help. If you are strong enough, see them through the treatment. Make sure that it is clear that you know about the problem they have with lying and deceit. If they understand this, they will understand the struggle you will suffer by sticking by them. But make sure they seek treatment. I don’t know much about you situation but psychiatry or some other form of mental help seems to be necessary. Otherwise, toughen up and find someone else. But they may be more difficult. Unfortunately, we never learn anything without suffering.

Reply from danc

danc — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:24:47 +0100

If your one person is that person, help them.

Reply from VnP06

VnP06 — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:21:29 +0100

what if my “one person” is that person?

Reply from pedagogy

pedagogy — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:20:26 +0100

Pathologoical liars need psychological help. It costs a great deal of money but is often times covered by health insurance if a medical doctor determines that the treatment is a dire need. However, pathological liars cannot be trusted, obviously, and one should do whatever possible to get far away from these people until they are completely treated. Staying close to such a person will only lead to mental and emotional pain and frustration. Honesty is the bond on which loving human beings rely and trust is the primary quality of any good relationship. When it comes to human being, trust is it. Personally, I don’t trust anyone or anything. Except for that one person….