Thanks. We should learn from our mistakes. It’s the best way to get through life when we gets older and by then, we should be able to counter any difficulties. :D

I haven`t figured out the real reason for pushing everyone away. Think i needed some time by myself. There where almost no time at all i had to be alone. Nowadays i have to much. What i didn`t realize earlier was the need for balance. I`ve been thinking on this fore some years now and i seem to understand just a little more each day. I`ve locked away a lot of emotions and to fight with them all the time drains my energy. I guess i`m where i`m at because i just can`t handle the load anymore. I need to clean up in my mind and start piecing my life correctly together. Just need to rip it all apart first.[/quote]

Yes. I think what you should be thinking now is how to make the change? not to think of the past. Think of the future and what you should do to change.

Yes. I am.

I haven`t figured out the real reason for pushing everyone away. Think i needed some time by myself. There where almost no time at all i had to be alone. Nowadays i have to much. What i didn`t realize earlier was the need for balance. I`ve been thinking on this fore some years now and i seem to understand just a little more each day. I`ve locked away a lot of emotions and to fight with them all the time drains my energy. I guess i`m where i`m at because i just can`t handle the load anymore. I need to clean up in my mind and start piecing my life correctly together. Just need to rip it all apart first.

What do you think actually? Nothing that is important? Just thinking of why your life’s like that?

You want to change. All you need is some motivation and will power. And of course, a fresh start.

Have some friends yes. Dropped out of the social scene about a year ago. I had a huge number of friends before but i managed to get rid of them all. The worst part is i have done this at my own will. I wanted to change real bad and get out of the patterns that made me feel bad. All i managed was to feel worse. I seem to screw up anything i put my hands in. Kinda strange actually. Find it kinda irinoc and i laugh a lot about it. I see myself as an entertainer playing the lead role in a sit com for God himself…

So, what are you doing now? Do you have any friends?

Thanks. I’m still trying my best. You should try too. I feel bad if I can’t help but I will think about myself and the consequences if I do help them.

Why are you isolating yourself?

Exactly. I still care and I’ll try my best to help. I used to put others first like, if a friend of mine had no money, I’ll loan my to her eventhough I know that I don’t have enough. I went to run errands for my mom even if I’m going to be late for work. I’m learning how to say No to people when they ask for help and I really can’t do it.

I know. I still try to make others happy but only up to where I can. I will not sacrifice myself. Selfish huh? I’ve had enough.

Remember: You cannot change what you are but who you are changes all the time.

Thanks. I’m happy that someone would really appreciate this.

[quote barely]Great post PaDle, you make a great point. Just do it, if it’s wrong do something else, make a U-turn, the point is to always move forward, right? Good job.. :)[/quote]

Yes. That’s exactly what I mean. Just keep on moving. Life is short and we should make the best out of it and find the things that makes us happy.

But there is something else to consider, something I have learned. When your most fundamental underpinnings are torn loose through some traumatic event or events, your ability to make logical, sound decisions often goes down the drain. Nowhere is this effect more apparent than in relationships.

The person whose spouse cheats on him or her, the person who is facing bankruptcy, the person who cannot find a job no matter how hard he or she tries . . . this person may look perfectly normal on the outside, but on the inside is a soul in turmoil . . . and in torment. A person in this state may be trying to make a decision, but he or she is in decision-making gridlock . . . each and every alternative seems to be a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” kind of choice.

So, when you are talking with a friend who has been going through a really tough time, remember that decisions do not come easily for such a person. Be patient, and help him or her all you can. You can find yourself in such a position much faster than you can possibly comprehend.