Father I pray that you will teach this person empathy for other human beings.
Thank you for intervening, and touching this cold callous heart , and giving him a heart of flesh. Amen.

I hope that you can hold off, tell yourself that are ways to get help, that you can find a future where you will live for something you believe in. I urge you to go to a counselor or therapist of some sort, because they can help. Not all, I’ve had some crockpot therapists before, but they should be able to put you in touch with assistance.

I’m really glad to hear that you are feeling and doing better, keep positive. You are not alone and really never will be, there are always people facing the same things. There are always people to reach out to, and people who will want to reach out to you. 3 Stay strong

and yes i’m a totally random girl.. who stumbled upon this.

the biggest obstacle you’ll ever have to overcome is yourself.

Recently I was walking around at my college and a bus was barreling down the road. Cars are supposed to stop at the crosswalks and they usually do, but its well known on campus that the buses do not. Everyone, dozens of people at every crosswalk, stop to let them pass every time. It’s been so long since I’ve felt human or a strong urge to do anything that can be likened to “living”, so I walked out in front of it.
The bus kept coming, however, as I stared at it. The driver was awfully close before he realized that I didn’t care that he was coming and that I wasn’t going to hurry up or run to preserve my life.
His brakes squealed and I was narrowly missed. I nonchalantly walked on at the same pace. Dozens of people stared at me like I was crazy.
Another time I was driving. I was tired enough that I felt and knew that I could fall asleep or at least daze off pretty easily if I tried. This made the temptation of running into a tree very strong. For about twenty minutes I was shutting my eyes, thinking about it and changing my mind again.

Its hard to find value in your life when you aren’t affecting anything. That’s my theory anyway. People without friends can’t effect their lives. That’s why I think a lot of people who don’t have a lot of friends are artists. Its an indirect form of developing meaning and transferring that meaning to other people, even if its very abstract and lacks any relation to the real world. It is an artificial meaning.

I see you write poetry. That’s probably good for the above reason and you should keep with that even if you or others think its not very good, after all, its value is in its meaning, nothing else.

I haven’t read Nietsche before but I think a know a little about what he was saying regardless. A lot of people, probably who haven’t read any of Nietsche like me, think of him as being a pessimistic person. But, as I understand it, he is optimistic in that he describes how people can develop their own meaning and condition that meaning in such a way that it makes them happy. I’m planning on reading him for that reason… maybe you’ll find Nietsche helpful from a philosophical angle.

Heres to you, if all of you hadnt taken the time to reply to my post, I would have never stopped and thought, and instead of getting clean, I would be dosing on DXM right now (DXM is a nifty lil drug found in robotussin). Thank you.[/quote]

We made a difference? Hurray and Congrats!

Every time I reach for you
you comfort me…you crush my blues.

But by the time you’ve all but left
You take from me, a bit of breath.

And by the time I’m almost right
I’ll dose again…just one more night.

=D Thats great Nightowl! You don’t need those drugs to feel good, they just mess you up.

Wahey! Glad to hear it!

as for your parents.. im so sorry that you feel that you have no parental support there… have you tried to talk to your parents about how you feel?
as for the drug issues.. you have also got to learn that drugs are evil… and im sure you have learned that in school as a young child…. and this could very well be your big issue in a lot of things.. causing you to feel the way that you do in many things… causing depression, causing you to feel paranoia, causing you to just feel alone in many ways… i suggest that you seek help for this issue… especially if you are seeking harder drugs… it can only lead into trouble…
if you feel that deep down the reason that you chose to start drugs is due to issues at home… then maybe you are suffering from depression.. but still.. there is still help out there for you.. but either way.. you need to seek out some sort of support system dear friend… do you still attend school? there are people at school that you can talk too that have to keep things confidential… i suggest talking to them.. and getting some sort of help for what is going on… so that you can start getting things sorted and feeling better about yourself…
but first of all.. you need to sit back.. scroll up on this page and know for a fact that YOU are cared about!! no, we may not be in your ‘real’ world like we would all love to be at times… but we all still care… so big HUGS just for you… get well .. love shie.

Nighttowl, please don’t kill yourself, help.com wouldn’t be the same without you. You also have so much to live for. You should also try to stop using all recreational drugs, they may make you feel really good at the time, but you’d feel better over all if you stoped using them, they’re very bad for you.

Its just paranoia, it sucks but youre just gonna need to see it out. You arent alone, there are hundreds and hundreds of people going through the exact same thing, you just need to stay stong.

Your “self-medication” is probably causing all your wonderful chemical imbalances and paranioia. I would try detoxing and relaxing. You’re your own worst enemy right now. Take it easy and you should be fine in a few days or weeks.

Well done! Its great that youve got such supportive friends on your hands.

Its hard to give them up. Its not just one drug. I’m not dependant on anything, I’m addicted to good feelings. It doesnt matter what the drug is, If it will make me feel better I’ll do it. I rotate so I dont become physically dependant on anything…I just want that good feeling.[/quote]

Yeah I know how you feel, I’ve tried pretty much everything, doing similar, dodging dependency. If a drug gets you high you always have a comedown, whether your addicted or not, which usually includes a dose of depressing feelings. Also its a dangerous game your playing I should know!!! I’m warning you but its your choice to heed it. I think you like the game your playing and aren’t committed to stopping yet. Are you?

And you need a rudder. You know what I mean.. a thing, a structure, a group that helps you steer a course toward what you really want in life. You may find it in mediation or in charity work, in religion or in a sport or arts activity. I’m not big on religion or the military, but for you that could be your ticket to seeing life more clearly. Whatever it is.. and this is just the way I see it, there has to be some sort of community element to it. Lots of people go to church and don’t really care for the doctrine (just an example) but they go because they find support to get through an illness or a divorce. Or it can be something as simple as a book club or a Habitat project. The point is, when you find yourself in a group of people doing something positive together, you no longer feel like a rudderless boat floating aimlessly. For me, it’s not one thing but several.. my martial arts class, my neighborhood where lots of the people hang out and eat and watch games together, and of course my kids and my animals. And to some extent it’s this somewhat scattered, contentious online community of marginally sane and often funny characters (including you).

Find your rudder.

So… I remembered something I want to mention. “conversation meditation” or “dialogue meditation” … some sort of consciously talking with friends with the intention more to achieve greater awareness of ourselves as interacting beings than to resolve issues or convince ourselves or others that some things are true or not.[/quote]

Me and my best friend (The one who I said is going to help me stay off anything for a while) do this all the time. We talk about life, what really matters in life anyway.

So… I remembered something I want to mention. “conversation meditation” or “dialogue meditation” … some sort of consciously talking with friends with the intention more to achieve greater awareness of ourselves as interacting beings than to resolve issues or convince ourselves or others that some things are true or not.

Make your self useable….SUBMIT yourself to a GOOD cause,man. Get a clear head….stop with that ambien shiznit man…one hit could be fatale man…people don’t realize it’s no joke stickin stuff up your nose….before you know it your a junkie cryin’ on Dr. Phil’s couch….man It’s no good….I know you’ll figure it out man…A little experimentation never killed anybody……WAIT… yeah it has…..it’s killed a lot of people…..You say other people say your SMART, wise beyond your years……… Well, PROVE THEM RIGHT Nightwolf…You know you can! I hope you take a positive road to seek natural PEACE and Purpose in your life. Good luck to you on your journey and take care,man…..(nobody count how many times I said MAN…lol(I write how I speak;)[/quote]

I wish I could just escape without using.

[quote Jen*]I dont ever remember being afraid of death. But I still wouldn’t kill myself. I am proud of what I’ve achieved and would never choose non~existence over existing! I like just being I don’t have to be doing anything particular, even just lying watching trees blowing in the wind. But I have quite a busy life through choice.
Turn your negatives into positives. Thats what I’ve been doing of late.
Drugs tho……NO wonder you’ve been so down. Suicide tuesdays, me and a friend used to call them after heavy weekends……….withdrawls= misery, pain, depression…. Give them up first then try cutting down on the ciggies. One thing at a time. Good luck![/quote]

Its hard to give them up. Its not just one drug. I’m not dependant on anything, I’m addicted to good feelings. It doesnt matter what the drug is, If it will make me feel better I’ll do it. I rotate so I dont become physically dependant on anything…I just want that good feeling.

But when you reach this at a young age, What is the point. The point, simply is that you have what those at 80 are just reaching. You have acceptance. You are able to say, “Ya know what, I already know I’m going to die, And I dont give a fu©k”.

Count yourself lucky, You can spend the rest of your life living. Where so many others are learning how to die, You can learn to live. You’re one of the few, Count your blessings.

As far as being suicidal, Ill tell you what I was told by a friend the night after she attempted to kill herself.

“Death isn’t the objective. Death isn’t the goal, And it’s not what we strive for. Knowing that theres another life in death, Knowing that this life can end and its all over, Thats what its all for, Thats the point. The only thing I didn’t realize until now, Is that I can make another life out of this one. I don’t have to die to end suffering. I don’t have to embrace eternal silence to be in a quiet room. I don’t have to bleed to feel like I’ve escaped”

Hope that helps, And I hope you work things out.[/quote]

You pretty much hit the nail on the head.

[quote PheeGee][quote Nightowl]I ****** up right out the gate. I snorted an ambian with my friends a few hours ago, and now I’m drinking alone. I dont feel depressed. I feel pretty awesome actually. I hope I dont feel ****** again when I’m sober.[/quote]

Well, keep trying anyway! Im really happy that you reconsidered the whole… you know killing yourself immediately thing. It goes to show that this website really CAN help people a lot.

I think you should carry on meditating regularly, cos if it helps you as much as it sounds like then its gotta be a good thing, right? The whole wisdom beyond years thing… I dont know about you but it drives me ******* mental when people say stuff like that to me. Cos I constantly feel like itd just make me happier if I COULD just believe in things and accept things without question but by my nature, I have to question the stuff which i know would make me feel a hell of a lot more comfortable about the world.

I am not entirely sure if that made any sense. But i felt like sharing that, cos i figured there was a possibility that you might feel the same on it.[/quote]

You make perfect sense, thankyou.

Make your self useable….SUBMIT yourself to a GOOD cause,man. Get a clear head….stop with that ambien shiznit man…one hit could be fatale man…people don’t realize it’s no joke stickin stuff up your nose….before you know it your a junkie cryin’ on Dr. Phil’s couch….man It’s no good….I know you’ll figure it out man…A little experimentation never killed anybody……WAIT… yeah it has…..it’s killed a lot of people…..You say other people say your SMART, wise beyond your years……… Well, PROVE THEM RIGHT Nightwolf…You know you can! I hope you take a positive road to seek natural PEACE and Purpose in your life. Good luck to you on your journey and take care,man…..(nobody count how many times I said MAN…lol(I write how I speak;)

Well, keep trying anyway! Im really happy that you reconsidered the whole… you know killing yourself immediately thing. It goes to show that this website really CAN help people a lot.

I think you should carry on meditating regularly, cos if it helps you as much as it sounds like then its gotta be a good thing, right? The whole wisdom beyond years thing… I dont know about you but it drives me ******* mental when people say stuff like that to me. Cos I constantly feel like itd just make me happier if I COULD just believe in things and accept things without question but by my nature, I have to question the stuff which i know would make me feel a hell of a lot more comfortable about the world.

I am not entirely sure if that made any sense. But i felt like sharing that, cos i figured there was a possibility that you might feel the same on it.

But when you reach this at a young age, What is the point. The point, simply is that you have what those at 80 are just reaching. You have acceptance. You are able to say, “Ya know what, I already know I’m going to die, And I dont give a fu©k”.

Count yourself lucky, You can spend the rest of your life living. Where so many others are learning how to die, You can learn to live. You’re one of the few, Count your blessings.

As far as being suicidal, Ill tell you what I was told by a friend the night after she attempted to kill herself.

“Death isn’t the objective. Death isn’t the goal, And it’s not what we strive for. Knowing that theres another life in death, Knowing that this life can end and its all over, Thats what its all for, Thats the point. The only thing I didn’t realize until now, Is that I can make another life out of this one. I don’t have to die to end suffering. I don’t have to embrace eternal silence to be in a quiet room. I don’t have to bleed to feel like I’ve escaped”

Hope that helps, And I hope you work things out.

Heres to you, if all of you hadnt taken the time to reply to my post, I would have never stopped and thought, and instead of getting clean, I would be dosing on DXM right now (DXM is a nifty lil drug found in robotussin). Thank you.[/quote]

awesome
sorry i diddnt catch this post earlier

It is amazing how beautiful life can really be if we embrace it and make up our mind ,we are going to do what is necessary to make our world a nice place to be.

Good things are ahead… just keep up your resolve… be around positive people, ones who will encourage you to be all you can be. Resist the urge to put your self down… and don’t let anyone else do it either. Tell them that you like yourself, and intend to make a decent life for yourself.

Please come back from time to time and check in, letting us know how you are doing, and how your day. Use us for your accountability. We love you and God loves you more!!! God bless…

Heres to you, if all of you hadnt taken the time to reply to my post, I would have never stopped and thought, and instead of getting clean, I would be dosing on DXM right now (DXM is a nifty lil drug found in robotussin). Thank you.[/quote]

im so happy to hear that hun =) congrats!!! xx

Here is a guaranteed cure. Although I am sure you would prefer to sit and drink and get high and wallow in your misery. That is the easiest thing and I don’t blame you. However I have a guarantted solution that if you can tell me you have actually done this 2-3 times and you don’t feel better then I’ll send you $50. My e-mail address is i> small>(email removed) /small> /i>

I know how it is to feel hopeless. I don’t know where you are but I know it feels the same regardless. When you feel like you are holding your hand out to the world and asking for someone, anyone to put their hand in yours and for them to tell you that it will be OK and for them to hug you and kiss you and tell you that it will be OK. Then when you ask for that hand none seems to show up. Sucks right?

Here is my advice to you. Find the hand of someone else that has theirs out and then YOU TELL THEM that it will be OK and comfort them. I guarantee this will work.

Heres to you, if all of you hadnt taken the time to reply to my post, I would have never stopped and thought, and instead of getting clean, I would be dosing on DXM right now (DXM is a nifty lil drug found in robotussin). Thank you.

Such is his love for his human family.

If you can open up to him, he will help you to rise up and out of this place of darkness.

Father, I pray for this young man, asking for your help in his life. Touch him by the power of your Holy spirit, and bring new life to him. Renew his hope in life, and drive back all the negative things that are bringing him down, encourage him, and help him find a way to move forward, help him to understand that you will help him fight this darkness, if he will turn to you. Help him realize that he is not alone, on this planet, and that many people care for him. Help him to reach out to the love that is offered to him here, and allow it to saturate his heart and mind with its goodness. Amen.

Check out this link :

needhim.org

I will be praying for you…. God bless…

People who are negative or self-destructive, never helps…

Maybe that’s what you need..to surround yourself with kind, caring people…

one of the things that has helped me find what i want is the realization that i am who and what i am, i cant be something else. i therefore have to behave as the person i am, and do what is right for me, always, and never lie about it. “be true to yourself” is an overused buzz-phrase and has, as such, lost most of its meaning, but contemplate the phrase. itll help.

i desire happiness

Peace.

goodnight! and sleep good =) i hope youre okay! xx

so what do you desire?

I’ll be honest, talking with everyone has made me feel better. I still have no idea what I need to do, but I’m going to spend some time thinking. Good night everyone.

You can take your tired, trodden, recycled, manipulated religion, and bury it in the sand. My soul is my own, my path is what I and I alone desire.

nightowl- you’re not selfish… dont think of it like that. we cant guilt you out of it but we can try and reason with you.
you can still find something to live for!! its not to late… you’re only 18!

btw you’re really good looking too LOL(sorry ill shush)

Your life is not your own. You were bought with blood 2,000 years ago. Whether you choose to accept that you have positive solution or not is up to you. If you want to deal with this as you should shout me.

Your life can be worth something. The Creator of the universe thought enough of you to die for you. He can help, just ask.

thats so . . . zen. . .
wanna be friends?

well enlighten me then, maybe enlightening people is your calling.[/quote]

My life is nothing. I have nothing to live for, and nothing to die for. I have no drive. I dont care anymore. You can question me if you want. You can call me selfish. I dont care.

as one whos thoughts come from afar, to swirl in slowly targetting the subject matter at hand, . . . i dont mean to ask this in a roundabout way. . .
. . .
are you satan?

whats that mean?? lol

okay no im confused…. D:

i think you made sense but only if i consider it a sort of lapse in common thought. . . not that such is a bad thing, but it really only begins to make sense when taken out of context.
hence the “what?”

ignore me if you like

. . . what?

forgive me if im wrong on that nightowl, thats just what it seems like to me.

well enlighten me then, maybe enlightening people is your calling.

You completely and totally misunderstand me. Thats what others have told me. I dont believe it.

[quote Nightowl]I’m 18. People tell me I’m brilliant, they say I have wisdom beyond my years…maybe thats why I want it to end. I feel like an old man. I’m just so tired of this mockery of an existence.[/quote]

wisdom is a good thing. people tell me i have wisdom beyond my years as well (at times LOL) its not a bad thing though… i know it make you feel old but you still have sooo many years to experience what you want. if it bothers you a lot, ignore when people say that and just live how you want to live. 18 is still young…. even if people say that you have wisdom beyond your years, it doesnt mean that you cant act like a child once in a while… go out, have fun!!

I’m 18. People tell me I’m brilliant, they say I have wisdom beyond my years…maybe thats why I want it to end. I feel like an old man. I’m just so tired of this mockery of an existence.

It’s possible that belief was false. I don’t tend to have fear of death like some people do, but still it’d be nice to make the most of life.

how old are you btw?

the military is a noble persuit.

I’ve been thinking of going into the military. I have no purpose. My life for the past year has been getting high on anything, and everything I can find.

Maybe spending more time here again would bring the inspiration back to life? Or, spring is coming, I’m spending as much time outside as I remember to, to refresh my life.