[Help] Stolen Updates to this post /post/264251-stolen Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:04:18 +0100 Reply from Hello, Death! /post/264251-stolen#reply-4935345 that’s good

]]> Hello, Death! Sat, 11 Apr 2009 06:25:44 +0100 Reply from whaples201 /post/264251-stolen#reply-4935336 So did she:)

]]> whaples201 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 06:22:33 +0100 Reply from Hello, Death! /post/264251-stolen#reply-4935274 I like it

]]> Hello, Death! Sat, 11 Apr 2009 05:40:23 +0100 Reply from whaples201 /post/264251-stolen#reply-4933809 helped*

]]> whaples201 Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:52:17 +0100 Reply from whaples201 /post/264251-stolen#reply-4933806 Well thank you, held a lot.

]]> whaples201 Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:48:57 +0100 Reply from ryanman /post/264251-stolen#reply-4933801 Yeah, it’s well-paced and hangs together with the rest. Good rhythm.

]]> ryanman Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:38:01 +0100 Reply from whaples201 /post/264251-stolen#reply-4933798 First off thanks, second what do you thing about this for the 1st part

It was your eyes
That pulled me in
A simple glance
Made it all being
Even then it seems

]]> whaples201 Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:34:34 +0100 Reply from ryanman /post/264251-stolen#reply-4933795 Just my opinion, but “When you stood next to me” doesn’t feel as strong as the rest - especially for an opener.

Maybe just start with:

It’s your eyes
That pulled me in

Kinda pulls you in for a few lines to make you want to know what’s going to happen. This could be just me, I tend to view poems as stories.

]]> ryanman Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:31:38 +0100 Reply from whaples201 /post/264251-stolen#reply-4933789 What do you think would be better, my brain is fried from writing and changing it, i can’t think

]]> whaples201 Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:26:52 +0100 Reply from ryanman /post/264251-stolen#reply-4933786 I think it’s strong. First couple of line could maybe due with another look? The rest is very tight, streamlined. Flows well.

]]> ryanman Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:24:55 +0100