[Help] PARENTS: How do I tell my parents I want to date an older guy? Updates to this post /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:03:27 +0100 Reply from Santasara /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5131566 Do NOT go out and meet this man without your parents’ knowledge. That is the worst advise I have ever read on the internet and the first time I have ever responded to something like this. This man is most likely a pedophile and doesn’t even know it!!! You have one life. There are some mistakes that you can make in life that you will never recover from. Don’t make this one of them. All pedophiles start out by enticing their victims. Many will find out what makes the victim feel good emotionally and play on that. What does a young girl want? To be beautiful. To be smart. To be loved unconditionally for who she really is. To be appreciated for the traits that maybe her parents don’t appreciate. To be thought of as an adult when they are still a child. Has he told you that you are beautiful from a photo you sent? Has he told you that you are more mature that the women his age he has dated? Has he told you that he has never felt this connected to anyone before? Has he attempted to imply that your parents will not approve and thereby may attempt to “control” you. BE CAREFUL. You have no way at this point of even verifying that he is the age he says, the photo he sent was his, etc… IF this man is genuine, he will wait for you. You are so young and have so much life ahead of you. What’s the hurry to get into a relationship anyway. Especially one with the added stress of the age differences. Do not define yourself by the love and acceptence of a man and work on defining yourself by your own accomplishments. When you stop feeling the need to have a man make you feel good about yourself, you are ready. That is why the really good ones, the ones we wait our whole life for, are not the ones we go looking for but the ones who fall into our paths when we least expect it. Is this “the one”? I highly doubt it.

]]> Santasara Wed, 15 Jul 2009 14:50:49 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095489 [quote Joshy woshy Poshy][quote Anonymous]Ah, ignore that last line. I was going to say that a connection isn’t based solely on experience or how that experience shapes you, sometimes it transcends that, to a deeper part of you.[/quote]

that’s when you really have to take a step back and think. Because those kind of feelings can cloud your judgment and good sense and make you blind to the right decision.[/quote]

I’m actually not talking about an “in-love” feeling. This is a connection we’ve had since before anything at all romantic came about, and we were completely just two good friends. What judgment or good sense might I be missing? I think what I said about experience in the previous post was pretty logical.

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:55:10 +0100 Reply from Morally Ambiguous JD /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095483 [quote Anonymous]Ah, ignore that last line. I was going to say that a connection isn’t based solely on experience or how that experience shapes you, sometimes it transcends that, to a deeper part of you.[/quote]

that’s when you really have to take a step back and think. Because those kind of feelings can cloud your judgment and good sense and make you blind to the right decision.

]]> Morally Ambiguous JD Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:50:05 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095475 Ah, ignore that last line. I was going to say that a connection isn’t based solely on experience or how that experience shapes you, sometimes it transcends that, to a deeper part of you.

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:42:38 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095472 I do see both of your points. Yes it’s true, there are many things I have yet to experience, and I’m eager to live life and encounter new things, although I’m aware many of them will be challenging and painful. I don’t pretend to be equal in experience to someone 10 years older than me, but experience isnt everything. As far as knowing myself, thats something I work on constantly. I may have not had the life shaping events and trials that an adult has probably had, but I know enough of myself to know that there is much more to learn and make. I’m definitely still forming who I am, and he and I have talked about this, and we manage to have enough respect for each other in order for him to step back enough to let me find my own way through life.
Just because my future changes me, as you said babacup, and it will probably alter the way I view people and life, does this mean that I can not have a partner in this world? He’s committed to giving me the space I need to grow and learn my own lessons, what is the harm in having someone close to me that has been through that part of life before? If anything, I’d have someone to guide if if I so ask for it (as he will not try to control my life)
I do not deny I have much to learn, and that he is far ahead of me there (at the same time he still has plenty to learn as well…we all do). But is this difference insurmountable? It may not be convenient, but with respect and communication and awareness of each other’s needs, I don’t see why a more experienced person and a less experienced person cannot have a mutually beneficial relationship.
As I said before, we connect, and thats separate from

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:39:23 +0100 Reply from Morally Ambiguous JD /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095437 [quote babacup]I just copied the following reply off another post. I think it fits with what I was saying about how you view life differently while in high school and after. . . . . . .

I heard that, “there is no one older than a high school senior, but no one younger than a college freshman.” You enter college and that age and it’s a completely different world. Maybe not necessarily academically but experience-wise.

. . . . . get some life experience before dating someone who has already had life experience, that way, you can view them through adult eyes, and not a teenagers.[/quote]

Really good point.

Teenagers think themselves fully realized adults but when they get to college they get a shock, a big shock. They aren’t as grown up as they thought. Maturity isn’t about age though its about experience and you have a lot of that to get before you catch up to a man ten years older than you. And even more before you realize your never as mature as you think you are :)

and trust me 9 times out of 10 your parents are right, knowledge born of experience is to be trusted and respected and your parents have between them far more experience of life and people than you do at this moment in your life.

]]> Morally Ambiguous JD Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:12:29 +0100 Reply from babacup /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095423 I just copied the following reply off another post. I think it fits with what I was saying about how you view life differently while in high school and after. . . . . . .

I heard that, “there is no one older than a high school senior, but no one younger than a college freshman.” You enter college and that age and it’s a completely different world. Maybe not necessarily academically but experience-wise.

. . . . . get some life experience before dating someone who has already had life experience, that way, you can view them through adult eyes, and not a teenagers.

]]> babacup Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:01:17 +0100 Reply from babacup /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095410 To be honest, as a parent, I can not see letting my 17yr old meet a 26yr old. There is nothing she could say or do that would make me allow it. I think I would be calling the police and having them track this guy down. No matter how mature you are, it is wrong for a 26yr old man to be perusing you. If you have known him for years, how old were you when you first started talking to him? I am getting upset just thinking about it. I can’t imagine your parent will be receptive to it.

I do respect the fact that you have not gone to meet him on your own. That does show maturity on your part. But my feeling on age is, while you are in high school and living at home, age makes a difference. Once you have lived on your own, age does not make as much as a difference. Being on your own changes you. It forces you to mature because you have to work hard and support yourself. You get to know yourself better and there for view people and life differently. At that point, you can relate to an older person better. So my opinion is wait until then.

]]> babacup Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:50:16 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095389 Thank you =) It’s nice to have some encouragement. Despite all the organization, I’m nervous as hell. x.x

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:22:21 +0100 Reply from searching89 /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095386 lol thought so…been there myself..my parents used to be **** strict when i was growing up…but i turned out okay so i guess i can’t complain hahaha. best of luck to you…you sound pretty sorted…lock n load..you got this!

]]> searching89 Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:19:45 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095383 [quote searching89]yeah…from a parental point of view i’d really not let my daughter anywhere near this guy…just cause i wanted the best for her. and you sound like you’re pretty set on this…and if you write out everything…spending a considerable amount of time on it lol…you would have your case set out pretty well. i’m not sure i can help you with what to say as such..as i’ve never known anyone personally who’s had this kind of issue to deal with. but honestly? i’m just posting this reply to tell you, that if it is anywhere within the realm of possibility, to go out and meet this guy! you sound like a really mature, responsible person, and i have no doubts over your friend’s intentions, but you really should meet him once before you tell your parents.
it would help you alot in that you wouldn’t have to tell them that you’ve never met him before..which could poke alot of holes in ur case..and i mean if you guys are gonna date anyway…shouldn’t he be able to meet you once beforehand? or would you have to ask for ur parent’s permission for that anyway…[/quote]

Yeah, it would help to be able to say that I’ve met him, but at the same time, then it’s even more threatening, because my parents are going to be like “Excuse me? When did this happen? Without our permission??” So that would probably be more bad than good, unfortunately.
And yeah, I’m hoping that I will have a case solid enough that they wont be able to poke too many holes in it by the time I’m done lol. Thanks for your point of view =)

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:16:42 +0100 Reply from Morally Ambiguous JD /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095376 [quote Anonymous][quote Joshy woshy Poshy]

ok tell them you know it doesn’t sound great, but you would really appreciate it if he could come to dinner maybe a couple of times so that they got to know him? if your going to meet him make sure its safe.[/quote]

yeah, thats a good idea. Thank you. =)[/quote]

Expect a no though :P

]]> Morally Ambiguous JD Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:12:14 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095373 [quote Joshy woshy Poshy]

ok tell them you know it doesn’t sound great, but you would really appreciate it if he could come to dinner maybe a couple of times so that they got to know him? if your going to meet him make sure its safe.[/quote]

yeah, thats a good idea. Thank you. =)

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:09:22 +0100 Reply from searching89 /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095372 yeah…from a parental point of view i’d really not let my daughter anywhere near this guy…just cause i wanted the best for her. and you sound like you’re pretty set on this…and if you write out everything…spending a considerable amount of time on it lol…you would have your case set out pretty well. i’m not sure i can help you with what to say as such..as i’ve never known anyone personally who’s had this kind of issue to deal with. but honestly? i’m just posting this reply to tell you, that if it is anywhere within the realm of possibility, to go out and meet this guy! you sound like a really mature, responsible person, and i have no doubts over your friend’s intentions, but you really should meet him once before you tell your parents.
it would help you alot in that you wouldn’t have to tell them that you’ve never met him before..which could poke alot of holes in ur case..and i mean if you guys are gonna date anyway…shouldn’t he be able to meet you once beforehand? or would you have to ask for ur parent’s permission for that anyway…

]]> searching89 Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:08:51 +0100 Reply from nonam /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095371 just say you want the buttsecks

]]> nonam Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:06:26 +0100 Reply from Morally Ambiguous JD /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095369 [quote Anonymous]I know what it looks and sounds like. I understand that, but I’m really asking for advice on how to talk to them. I already know what it sounds like, I’m not here to debate whether he’s a creeper or not. I want advice on talking to my parents.

I do appreciate the feedback though.[/quote]

ok tell them you know it doesn’t sound great, but you would really appreciate it if he could come to dinner maybe a couple of times so that they got to know him? if your going to meet him make sure its safe.

]]> Morally Ambiguous JD Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:05:35 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095367 I know what it looks and sounds like. I understand that, but I’m really asking for advice on how to talk to them. I already know what it sounds like, I’m not here to debate whether he’s a creeper or not. I want advice on talking to my parents.

I do appreciate the feedback though.

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 12:59:51 +0100 Reply from Morally Ambiguous JD /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095348 sounds like he is grooming you if im honest.

its classic behavior, be “honest” and convince them that you have changed.
If i were your parents I would literally throw your pc out of the window, burn it then hack it to dust with an axe. I wouldn’t go near this guy with a twenty foot pole.

]]> Morally Ambiguous JD Thu, 25 Jun 2009 12:37:26 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095338 [quote Anonymous]lol some older man with a bad history who you met over the internet and you want to tell you mum you want to date him. Tough one.[/quote]

Yeah =( Thats why I’m asking for advice. I know I’m going to need everything I can get.

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 12:23:56 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/288890-parents-how-do-i-tell-my-parents-i#reply-5095323 lol some older man with a bad history who you met over the internet and you want to tell you mum you want to date him. Tough one.

]]> Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 11:49:00 +0100