one critique, maybe the oldest one in the book, show don’t tell.
you have amazing DESCRIPTIONS, but I feel that the story has TOO MUCH description and not enough action for the reader to infer everything that’s going on.[/quote]

haha i just rarely date, if ever (my own decision), so its surprising i decided to settle down.

Fairly good critique, I realize its very descriptive, and maybe it works against itself even with its lack of action. Thank you!!!!

one critique, maybe the oldest one in the book, show don’t tell.
you have amazing DESCRIPTIONS, but I feel that the story has TOO MUCH description and not enough action for the reader to infer everything that’s going on.

thank you!! SHOW ME YOUR POEM!![/quote] The glass one? I dont think I have it…if I do, I’ll publish it.

thank you!! SHOW ME YOUR POEM!!

hahaha WHY ABOUT A GLASS?

my latest entry.
http://help.com/post/293878-my-latest…

my site:

http://tylerstunna.blogspot.com/

thanksss
I wrote a new one but i’ll post it when i get home later tonight, i wrote it in 15 so its not quality yet, let me edit it later!

haha what would you like me to write about?
playground adventures, driving adventures, lake adventures or a party ?
just pick one.

I’d be excited to see what you write! link me please either way!!

[quote darkscorpia][quote Stunna][quote darkscorpia]i haven’t touched my stories in so long. Reading this made me want to. Thanks :)[/quote]

did you write 100 words after reading this?![/quote]
I wrote more in all seriousness xD You’re a very good writer. It has rhythm, it flows. Beautiful and descriptive. And great ending :D[/quote]

post your writing!
and awe haha thank you!!

Stunna,
What a coincidence that she ended up in a second country and you just happened to be there! That sounds pretty incredible. I’m surprised that you didn’t kiss her, but then again, you clearly state that she isn’t what you want and isn’t right for you. At least you knew these things. Many people don’t think about those things until after they get involved. It’s not always easy to leave by then. It shows a high level of maturity on your part. Being in a bad relationship can make life so much harder! Long distance relationships seldom seem to work. I wish you luck finding the lady of your dreams.[/quote]

I didn’t pay to travel though, haha I went with my family to Spain, France, Italy, Gibraltar. I’m blessed I know! This girl I’m writing about I met in Italy, but in reality, I have someone back home in Canada, which is why I walked away from her. Which is why the part about Spain is about a letter to this girl in Canada. I re-wrote a part of this to make it less confusing. And long distance relationships are really a waste of time, as harsh as that sounds. They are so unfair on both parties, truly. In fact dating at my age is almost a waste of time until people mature, like after the age of 25 =)

Stunna,
What a coincidence that she ended up in a second country and you just happened to be there! That sounds pretty incredible. I’m surprised that you didn’t kiss her, but then again, you clearly state that she isn’t what you want and isn’t right for you. At least you knew these things. Many people don’t think about those things until after they get involved. It’s not always easy to leave by then. It shows a high level of maturity on your part. Being in a bad relationship can make life so much harder! Long distance relationships seldom seem to work. I wish you luck finding the lady of your dreams.

did you write 100 words after reading this?![/quote]
I wrote more in all seriousness xD You’re a very good writer. It has rhythm, it flows. Beautiful and descriptive. And great ending :D

did you write 100 words after reading this?!

your an awesome writer x[/quote]

thank you! i think nothing beats true life stories =)[/quote]

i agree very much so! i love reliving great moments when i write them. x

your an awesome writer x[/quote]

thank you! i think nothing beats true life stories =)

your an awesome writer x