[Help] My mothers idea of a great goal is to get married like its what makes a Womans life ... Updates to this post /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is Thu, 02 Sep 2010 08:03:08 +0100 Reply from ǝןʇʇıɹq /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5346069 [quote steff]I like mums too. They are pretty flowers.[/quote]

in the garden of life, and we are but aphids sucking the life outta them…

lol jk

]]> ǝןʇʇıɹq Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:16:51 +0100 Reply from steff /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5345963 I like mums too. They are pretty flowers.

]]> steff Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:37:16 +0100 Reply from ǝןʇʇıɹq /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5345691 [quote MarmaladeFreak]Yea what she values are not all the same as what i value most. Am geetting it. Before I was kinda annoyed but now I see why she’s doing it. I Luv my Mum :D lol Thanx all for your advise on this.[/quote]

mums are mums, we love them despite them; they mean well. :) hurrah for moms!!

]]> ǝןʇʇıɹq Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:57:58 +0100 Reply from MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5345577 Yea what she values are not all the same as what i value most. Am geetting it. Before I was kinda annoyed but now I see why she’s doing it. I Luv my Mum :D lol Thanx all for your advise on this.

]]> MarmaladeFreak Sat, 14 Nov 2009 07:55:35 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5345569 She’s probably just projecting her fear and anxiety she felt/feels about being alone. She values being w/ someone and sees it on the same level as getting a degree, so she is projecting that on you. She just doesn’t understand b/c she has never experienced what you have.

]]> Anonymous Sat, 14 Nov 2009 07:45:16 +0100 Reply from Jigoku Shoujo /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5325937 “the feeling to see your child grow up and flutter away and build their own nest with someone they love and have little ones too, which you can hold and be proud of,” that I guess is a natural instinct of parents,

sometimes parents do things because its just what they know, it has nothing to do with you, and imagine every relationship in the world is not perfect, its actually good to be happy that your mother loves you, it might sound odd but having the love and care of a parent, in my opinion is 99% of your relationship, the rest is just the cherry on the cake,

love your parents and respect them as much as you can, even if they have flaws, they are also just human, your mom means well,

just insist to build a career, so that you can care for yourself (you can always say that you will meet very eligible guys in college, lol), and even for your children, in this world anything can happen, even when you find the love of your life,

I am sure you can find a middle way to make your mother understand, you need to be able to pay the bills some how!

Take care.

]]> Jigoku Shoujo Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:30:33 +0100 Reply from ǝןʇʇıɹq /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317511 do what you think is best. personally, i think you should study too. your mother lives her life, YOU live yours. :)

]]> ǝןʇʇıɹq Fri, 30 Oct 2009 23:19:55 +0100 Reply from c-eek /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317276 Clearly, there is a strong bias against traditional marriage in the replies to your question. Having been in a loving, happy marriage for almost three decades, I feel more than a little sad about that perspective.
However, it seems to me that what you are really objecting to is your mother trying to influence you to live up to her expectations and not showing proper respect for your opinions. I have seen adults ruin their lives doing exactly the opposite of what their parents tried to push them into doing. If left alone, they might have actually followed the path the parents were promoting.
Whatever path you choose for your life, it should be driven by a natural pull in that direction, not a push from your mother, or anyone else.
The best gift a mother can give her grown child is to support the child’s choices. Ask your mother to give you that gift.

]]> c-eek Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:52:13 +0100 Reply from who?! /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317245 tnx 4 ur invitation :)
maybe she can’t imagine a woman who’s independent i mean she can’t imagine a woman who doesn’t need a man…she might thinks u’ll need a “soulmate” sooner or later…
u can ask her directly…have u ever asked?!

]]> who?! Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:27:06 +0100 3 users were invited to read this post by MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-9128776 MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:31:56 +0100 The post was retagged by MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-9128768 MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:28:17 +0100 Reply from MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317168 [quote kain16][quote steff][quote kain16]I can never understand why anyone would want to get married but that’s probably because i view it more as a silly christian ritual, that also means you have to legally split everything between each other if you get a divorce;) but anyway its your choice at the end of the day if your happy now then why worry about what your mother thinks will make you happy:)[/quote]

People in all different cultures and religions get married…not only Christians.[/quote]

yes i know that i was referring mainly to the west, but that’s not the point its only my opinion on marriage;)i guess i should of said “a silly religious ritual”.[/quote]

Yea so true … but isn’t it getting more common for people to ‘Not Get Married’ but stay Committed instead? Thats how I see it now. Society has changed slowly but seems less and less people believe in Lasting Marriages nowadays. Am stating an obvious fact that am sure you all know :) cheers

]]> MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:23:49 +0100 Reply from steff /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317166 Awww, well good luck! Let us know if you ever do have a chat with her!

]]> steff Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:19:52 +0100 Reply from MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317165 [quote steff]I don’t know why ‘Marriage’ is in quotes lol

And I don’t know why you think being in a relationship means “keeping still & settling down”…wouldn’t you choose a guy who’s like you? and outdoorsy adventurer who wants to stay on the go?

But if you don’t want to get married, just tell your mom flat out, “Please don’t bother me about this anymore, I never want to get married, it’s not who I am, end of discussion.”[/quote]

If only you’d met my mother … thats like letting Hell loose! Yes I have thought of doing that … when I do find the chance to be alone with with her

]]> MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:18:31 +0100 Reply from MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317161 [quote DoubleGin19]yup you’re a smarty pants :) and its nothing to be sorry about. heck i wish i was smarty pants. but sadly im just a guy who talks alot of none sense ;)

as for how to convince her..
maybe you should just sit down and tell her what you just told us. that although you may want to one day have family, its not what you want right now. and you just want to be young, do your studies and take every relationship as it is. not plan every relationship for it to end with marriage and a big cake :) x[/quote]

Lol yea sounds good!

]]> MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:15:40 +0100 Reply from MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317155 Hey thanx Helper626, paranoid? lol…I reckon

& thanx Anonymous#,yea I wish I could say that to my mother…that time has changed, society has changed…Change is Good…Obama supporter all the way hehe

& thanx max.le, like the way you said that!

]]> MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:11:58 +0100 Reply from steff /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317153 [quote MarmaladeFreak]I don’t mind…am 21…mum got married when she was my age![/quote]

yeah, I do agree that is wayyyy too young to get married, don’t know why she’s pressuring you so much.

]]> steff Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:11:00 +0100 Reply from steff /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317151 I don’t know why ‘Marriage’ is in quotes lol

And I don’t know why you think being in a relationship means “keeping still & settling down”…wouldn’t you choose a guy who’s like you? and outdoorsy adventurer who wants to stay on the go?

But if you don’t want to get married, just tell your mom flat out, “Please don’t bother me about this anymore, I never want to get married, it’s not who I am, end of discussion.”

]]> steff Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:08:58 +0100 Reply from MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317149 I don’t mind…am 21…mum got married when she was my age!

]]> MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:06:11 +0100 Reply from kain16 /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317146 [quote steff][quote kain16]I can never understand why anyone would want to get married but that’s probably because i view it more as a silly christian ritual, that also means you have to legally split everything between each other if you get a divorce;) but anyway its your choice at the end of the day if your happy now then why worry about what your mother thinks will make you happy:)[/quote]

People in all different cultures and religions get married…not only Christians.[/quote]

yes i know that i was referring mainly to the west, but that’s not the point its only my opinion on marriage;)i guess i should of said “a silly religious ritual”.

]]> kain16 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:05:29 +0100 Reply from MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317142 Yea guess we on different grounds about ‘Marriage’ then Steff. In some marriages you do tend to lose your sense of self right? Ofcourse there are the great everlasting marriages. But to tell you the truth I’ve seen from our own parents how being too dependent can give one or the other evetually more stress. My father has thought of getting seperation or taking time off. Yea sad drama of my life. But they stuck through it, and am not sure why yet? I guess I didn’t want to bring it up before. Its not really a comfortable topic.

]]> MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:02:45 +0100 Reply from steff /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317140 [quote kain16]I can never understand why anyone would want to get married but that’s probably because i view it more as a silly christian ritual, that also means you have to legally split everything between each other if you get a divorce;) but anyway its your choice at the end of the day if your happy now then why worry about what your mother thinks will make you happy:)[/quote]

People in all different cultures and religions get married…not only Christians.

]]> steff Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:02:38 +0100 Reply from steff /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317139 Would you mind telling us how old you are?

]]> steff Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:01:12 +0100 Reply from kain16 /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317134 I can never understand why anyone would want to get married but that’s probably because i view it more as a silly christian ritual, that also means you have to legally split everything between each other if you get a divorce;) but anyway its your choice at the end of the day if your happy now then why worry about what your mother thinks will make you happy:)

]]> kain16 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:00:18 +0100 Reply from DoubleGin19 /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317132 yup you’re a smarty pants :) and its nothing to be sorry about. heck i wish i was smarty pants. but sadly im just a guy who talks alot of none sense ;)

as for how to convince her..
maybe you should just sit down and tell her what you just told us. that although you may want to one day have family, its not what you want right now. and you just want to be young, do your studies and take every relationship as it is. not plan every relationship for it to end with marriage and a big cake :) x

]]> DoubleGin19 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:59:54 +0100 Reply from steff /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317114 Just becauase a woman wants to get married (like me) doesn’t mean she has lost sense of individualism and is clingy…

]]> steff Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:49:58 +0100 Reply from MarmaladeFreak /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317111 Yea I get that she would want me to be happy … but am happy now though. I am more into outdoors and exploring so the idea of keeping still & settling down is not something I’d hope for anytime soon. Still young. She married young so think that counts too in why she’s so into the idea this much?

[quote DoubleGin19]well…
what makes you happy then? and what’s your idea of ideal happiness ?

clearly you are a smarty pants. but if you disagree with your mother. what goals do you have right now? x[/quote]

Lol smarty pants huh? Is that what I just sounded like…Sorry lol!
How else can I prove to her that I am happy as I am right now and that my love life will eventually unfold itself … just let things flow! Everytime she hears of a Guy who I’d be going out with, she’d get all excited and like she’s already picturing grand-kids lol! Its Sweet but really Marriage is not on my List of Things to do right now!

]]> MarmaladeFreak Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:48:05 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317099 No, no, forget that. Go your own way. Goodness me do I hate women who think like that. Personally when I ever decide to settle down, I’d prefer a woman with a sense of individuality, not overly submissive. Would you rather be ignorant and uneducated in the world or would you rather have a sense of individualism and not being clingy.

Maybe back in the 1600’s marrying a man with wealth and with good social class status might have been what your mother defines as “happiness”, but we are in the 21st century. We established a lot of things in the past 400 years. You should take advantage of those opportunities that women back in the days didn’t have.

]]> Anonymous Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:41:45 +0100 Reply from Helper626 /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317098 HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA Yes your only person is to get married and be a mans slave HAHAHHAAHAHHA how obsured. She wants grandkids heck my parents bug me every other weekend if i have found someone cause they want grandkids HA. She maybe has not done much in her life without a man to help her but she doesn’t know how smart and strong you are. Parents always fear that their children need someone to watch over them weather it be them or a lover or a friend. They are just paranoid about our well being. She loves you and wants the best for you thats all.
Good Luck my friend

]]> Helper626 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:41:32 +0100 Reply from max.le /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317090 hey you know what? She could be right!

Then again, so could you.

No magic formula is there?

You learn to love that they want the best for you, however warped their view of what that means might seem to you right now, you thank them for caring, you celebrate them having found their happiness and then you carry on seeking yours.

If you are happy, they’ll be happy. For the most part it doesn’t matter what your parents wish for you, it just matters that they love you enough to make those wishes - it’s a great place to start in the search for fulfillment.

]]> max.le Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:36:39 +0100 Reply from DoubleGin19 /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317088 well…
what makes you happy then? and what’s your idea of ideal happiness ?

clearly you are a smarty pants. but if you disagree with your mother. what goals do you have right now? x

]]> DoubleGin19 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:36:33 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317086 More probably she is becoming more aware that she is not always going to be around… she wants to know that you have someone in your life… that you won’t be alone.

To be honest there is nothing wrong with being a good wife, homemaker, etc… it seems that people nowadays look down on it…. however if you have a career and a social life she should be happy for you…. i’m sure she probably is deep down.

]]> Anonymous Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:34:49 +0100 Reply from steff /post/324275-my-mothers-idea-of-a-great-goal-is#reply-5317083 Maybe that’s because when she was young she wasn’t interested in studies, career, etc. And maybe she already knows that you’re a great student and will go far on your own…and she wants you to be happy in love as well.

]]> steff Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:33:04 +0100