[Help] My child (adopted) just told me an incident where she was abused. Updates to this post /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an Sun, 07 Sep 2008 04:12:52 +0100 Reply from missarchaeolog /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082819 try to listen and support her as much as you can. somethings that happened to me when i was younger really screwed me up and it took a kind, paitent and caring person for me to talk about it. I couldnt talk to my parents because I felt they wouldnt care and didnt want to know. Let her know thats its fine to talk about any problem she has (even if you find it hard) - eventually all the problems will seem less!

]]> missarchaeolog Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:52:44 +0100 Reply from Oster: Gettin' It. /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082808 Anger at how she was treated is justified, and it can show her she’s worth protecting — can do good for her self-esteem. Be sure she knows you’re not angry at her, and use your judgment as to whether she will take you being angry as a sign she should keep such things to herself. Ideally she’d be comfortable enough to be open with you, but she may fear abandonment if you’re angry with anything regarding her. Trust your judgment on that.

I’d be inclined to seek legal action, as well.

]]> Oster: Gettin' It. Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:47:04 +0100 Reply from JoJo /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082802 My sister and I were adopted by two amazing loving parents. I came with all sorts of problems and baggage from the past even though it didn’t surface right away. I was adopted when I was 9 years old, I am now 25 years old, and I am still sorting through things and learning how to handle my past. I know that if I didn’t have my parents supporting me through everything I would not be here. My parents refused to give up on me even though social services once suggested they just turn me back over to them. I went through 10 years of hospitals, therapists, psychiatrists, every kind of psych treatment available and I know my parents wondered at times if all the problems and craziness would ever end, but they never gave up. My mom passed away almost 4 years ago and I still have my wonderful Dad. No matter how long it takes just know that in the end your child will never forget the love your poured into her life and her life and the lives of all that know her will be better because of it.

]]> JoJo Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:44:16 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082796 oh - and p.s. - as a victim myself - I can’t say enough - find the resources that focus on face-forward/getting positive tools….I know I said this already but really - our culture has a sick way of keeping people victims forever/waving their banners of trials as excuses for poor behavior….it really is death/not useful.
ALSO - I want to say, again - do be sure you have things to help feed You/lift You up while you are helping your child…
I KNOW you can do it…and, also - she will get over it. I’ve worked w/tons of orphans who’ve had awful stories/sold to marriage at young ages/etc you name it — the healing lies much in how they are told to be in relation to that….I know JMeyer will really help…….she also has lots of books you can read to try to understand - Beauty For Ashes, etc. — check it out…I’m happy for you b/c you can save yourself a lot of time/misery by going straight for a modality of thought that focuses on joy and peace and doing well instead of I want, I think I feel self-oriented self-centered wailing victim stuff…there’s no fruits in that….it’ll be okay — I KNOW it….just take a bit of time to find a counselor that will bring you all the wisest guidance…..

]]> Anonymous Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:40:42 +0100 Reply from its_rachel0 /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082787 You might want to report the person who did it, a member of my family was abused as a child and only had the courage to convict them 20 years later and until then it just ate away at her. It’s best dealt with now so you know he/she isn’t out there still.

]]> its_rachel0 Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:35:17 +0100 Reply from cool.nan /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082784 Every one have a problems .. and Most of the problems is for the girls ,, keep talking to her and watch her ,, watch every step that she is doin in her life day !!

watch her and teach her , advice and notice har :) .. and make her trust you and keep in connect to each other .. so everythin will be okay :D ..

]]> cool.nan Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:33:17 +0100 Reply from gham /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082775 thank you :-) i’ll cheak out the site

]]> gham Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:29:53 +0100 Reply from Anonymous /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082773 well - sorry to say but its to be expected …those poor things….try to not look at it like you have to clean up the mess…even tho i’m sure its difficult - try to look at it like you’ve been sent from God to help her….I’d suggest looking into Joyce Meyer and her resources - she has books (even for kids) which include one called Battlefield of The Mind For Children…..SHE WAS INCESTED/ABUSED…I really like her b/c she doesnt focus on feelings, I want I think I feel - she focuses on disciplining ourselves to get positive thinking - get over what has happened - and have productive, balanced life….as someone who’s had years of therapy and then found Joyce Meyer dot org as a resource, I can say — all those therapy years didnt help much at all in comparison to the changes I’ve seen/ways in which my life has completely turned around due to her teachings…..I am sorry it is so challenging/difficult….please make sure you have supports for you (gfriends/activities) so you’re not consumed by your child’s needs…..and, also - know - your child will get over this and it will be fine…dont focus on the victim stuff - yes, address them — but for sure get guidance (this is why I prefer Christian guidance or at least spirit-led guidance) so that your child is not led to see themselves as a victim and use excuses for behaviors…..you can do it - it will be okay — hang in there sister….xx

]]> Anonymous Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:29:00 +0100 Reply from mifofhue /post/94884-my-child-adopted-just-told-me-an#reply-3082770 Problems make relationships stonger. Eventhough there have been alot of them, just think how happy your child is, knowing that you love and care for her.

Just keep on talking to her, and reasuring her that everythings ok, and things should get better.

]]> mifofhue Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:27:47 +0100