irishtweety's profile at Help.com

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• Drinking themselves to death… Does anyone have any advice on what I can say to my friend to stop him killing himself? posted (4 months) ago
  He’s already been told he will only live for a few months if he keeps drinking yet he still …

• Has the word “friend” lost all meaning? posted (4 months, 1 week) ago
  People seem to use the term so loosely today that it is hard to determine what anyone means by the …

• Is love really important or is companionship what most people want really? posted (4 months, 2 weeks) ago
  I broke up with my ex recently and what I miss is having somebody to do things with not necessari…

• How long should you wait to go on a date after breaking up with someone? posted (5 months, 2 weeks) ago
  I broke up with my boyf; he moved out & all that but I am getting conflicting views from my …

• reading a few of the posts here; just wondering if ppl really think pot/hash etc is that bad? posted (5 months, 2 weeks) ago
  surely most ppl today recognise it’s not a big deal once not a daily thing???…

• I doubt anyone has the answer but… Is love enough? posted (7 months) ago
  ??…

• Should I get back with my ex? posted (7 months, 2 weeks) ago
  Meeting him tonight and wondering what you all think; can people work through their differences?…

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Last 5 Replies – All 416 replies »

• Who goes on bebo?
  

  Hi Polly and Michael…
  
  Michael you seem like a lovely guy… I would still have strong reservations about Polly living with you being the best course of action for her based on all of the above and hope that you will help her seriously look into the alternatives first before continuing with the plan to live together…
  
  I take your point that you would like to help her out of what sounds like an impossible situation but I just think it is best to really look into all her options first…
  
  All the best,
  
  Pam
  - written 3 months, 1 week ago

• Who goes on bebo?
  

  Morning Polly,
  
  I think what you say makes perfect sense… You will always remember your first kiss and often romanticise about it, just like when it happens you will always remember your first sexual partner and then most importantly you will always remember your first love…
  
  I’m not sure if I mentioned it in any of my posts but I am still friends with the first guy I ever really loved… I thought my first long-term boyfriend was my first love but after meeting Fergus and going out with him for a few years I realised that what I had with him was real love… It didn’t work out for various reasons (living together did not help matters at all as it added lots of pressures) but after a year or 2 of both of us torturing each other (at one point I would want to get back with him, another point he would want to get back with me etc, etc) but after all that we managed to remain firm & proper friends… I was actually with him in the hospital when his Mum died so our friendship is very strong…
  Anyway, sorry-I have a point and am getting to it… Even after all that at times when I feel low or unloved or lonely and if he is around I sometimes find myself fantasising about how we would be the perfect couple & I read things into what he says & what he does… And I know he has done the same over the years…
  
  But I have come to recognise it for what it is; we have a close friendship; when a former boyfriend hit me he was there for me, when his Mum died I was there for him but that is all it is….
  
  I suppose what I’m trying to say (in case it’s not clear from the above ramblings..lol) is that it’s so easy to mistake feelings toward the person who was your first kiss/first love etc so don’t worry about it… I guess just try your best to recognise it for what it is…
  
  The fact that you & Michael have kissed already is a little worrying as he is 4-5 yrs older than you so maybe it really is best that you two just remain good friends but don’t try to live with him….
  
  Don’t worry… If he is really as good a friend & as nice as you say he is he will still be able to support you even if you are not sharing an apartment…
  
  Also, I found this no - youthlaw, you can contact them on, (09) 309 6967 or call collect ( free call) and you can talk to them in confidence about what your legal options are in relation to getting a legal guardian other than your mum….
  
  Maybe that is what Michael could do for you… Call that number on your behalf and make a note of the various options open to you… That would be a really big gesture and certainly something a good friend should want to do for you… He can call and give all your details but just give a fake name… Even use my name if you want…
  
  Does that sound like a plan Polly?
  
  Then after Michael and you call them (be sure & make a good note of what they say) you will have a much better idea of what your options are as I really, really believe there are alternative people you can stay with & alternative options out there… It is just a matter of finding them…
  
  So, will you ask Michael; as your friend & someone you trust, to call for you & find out what the options are?
  
  Pam
  - written 3 months, 1 week ago

• Who goes on bebo?
  

  Hey Polly,
  
  I think it’s perfectly normal to be confused about how you feel about Michael because as I said before seemingly “platonic friendships” between ppl of the opposite sex are often confusing as from time to time you may come to rely on the friend more than you might a same-sex friend or have romantic feelings toward them…
  
  Also a lot of people (admittedly its usually more girls than guys) tend to want to be held & comforted etc as it is a nice feeling & can make you feel safe, secure etc but if you want that from Michael and you two end up sharing a house/flat together it could really lead to other things happening… A lot more easily than I think you might realise…
  
  I’m sorry but I still think it is all the more reason not to move in with him… A foster family or a straight female relative would be better as at least if you do feel you want to be hugged etc you can ask for hugs but from someone who definitely won’t be confused about how they feel about you or try to take advantage of you… Also, this would be much better for you as even if you were to develop a crush on someone like this you will know that all it is, is a crush and not be tempted to act on it…. Even if you did act on it a foster parent or female relative will recognise it for what it is and deal with it sensitively…
  
  Ok, so now your sister… Ok; would you talk to Michael about this and see what he thinks as he seems to think you can talk to her…
  
  Ok, the legal issue… I think this is a big problem as in it would not be legal.. .I will try to find out for you ok?
  
  Ok I’ve got to go home for the evening but please have a good think about my answer…
  
  I will do my best to find out about legal guardians in New Zealand and let you know if I find anything out…
  
  In the meantime please try to relax and where possible focus on your schoolwork etc and just look after yourself…
  
  If you find it hard to sleep I’ve found that breathing really deeply & counting the in breaths & out breaths helps a lot… It sounds silly as it is so simple but it really, really works…
  
  Pam
  - written 3 months, 1 week ago

• Who goes on bebo?
  

  Hi Polly,
  
  Your letter seems really open and honest… You clearly think a lot of Michael but that is a cause for concern as well… Just things like saying you want him to hold you and you love him etc seem to mean that you may well be a little unsure of your feelings towards him…
  
  That would make me worry then that some day you might feel more romantic feelings for him and act on them or vice versa… he might not be sure about his feelings & he might have romantic thoughts of you & act on them… Either way i just think it might be a recipie for disaster…
  
  Irrespective of your age it is genuinely quite difficult for guys & girls to be “just friends” and you can be sure that in the majority of cases at some point both of them will have considered taking it further…
  
  Again, that is the reason I think moving in with Michael is not a good idea… He seems very, very sweet and kind but that on its own does not make it a good idea…
  
  You say he has suggested you talk to Tabby and that she said she would talk with you… Would you not try that with her??
  
  Also when was the last time you tried talking with or writing a letter to your Mum?
  
  I will try reply back to you but if there is a delay it is just because I am in work… It’s 2.30pm here in Dublin…
  
  Hope your doing ok :)
  
  Pam
  - written 3 months, 1 week ago

• I am scared… yesterday i got beaten up and i almost got raped, i fine now but it was because i dumped my boyfriend.
  

  But the police are used to dealing with these types of situations.. They will handle it sensitively and your safety will be there first priority…
  
  The fact that you know this guy is what means YOU MUST REPORT your attack…
  - written 3 months, 1 week ago

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