The Astro-Man's shout trail with Desert Sand - Help.com

Nooo Astro…don’t go :o(
It seems like only the sh1t people are left here now, bar a few exceptions.
I know what you mean about the idiots.
It’s been lovely knowing you. Do stay in touch via facebook/ email whatever. I don’t come on here much anymore either.
Love n hugs,
Farah Xx

Hey Astro,
Yes, still awake…I’m gonna have to read this later today…really sorry…loads of stuff came up and I’m only just getting to bed now…at 6.30am!!
Soz and hope you’ll forgive me…
xx

I’m doing well, thanks. However, I am quite sleepy and think I will retire for the evening and wake up to read what you had to say to my post. Later!

Astro!!! Hey, How you doing?? Thanks for your shout the other day and my apologies for not getting back…just reading your post now and will get back to ya shortly xx

Hey, haven’t shouted at you in a while. What’s new?

Woah…sounds like you’re pretty sorted for the next few months…congrats on the end of the waiting game! xx

She’s great. And Lithuanian! A total babe, if you ask me. (I know, you didn’t, but I thought I’d point it out anyway.)

I’m very confident about this one. She’s cute and nervous whenever she’s around me; it makes conversation a little difficult, because I’m pretty nervous too, but I figure if I let that out in the open and joke about it when we meet, I’ll be all right.

Hey Astro, Wow…your life changes at the speed of sound! Way to go and well done on getting the number! Sounds like you’ve met a nice girl. And I’m sure she’ll pick up…sounds keen too!
xx

Got said girl’s number. Going to call her sometime tomorrow for coffee. (Hopefully she answers because though I got her number, I didn’t give mine to her, haha. Oops!)

Wow. This weekend was very strange.

At any rate, I started talking to a girl I’ve known for a little while but never really hung out with other than a few minutes here and there at parties and such. I’m going to ask her for coffee at the cafe on campus some afternoon. And she’s single, so all is well. :)

Awesome…go for it…sounds like fun and a great distraction!
:)

P.S. No worries re: anon post…you’re welcome :)

Yeah, I’ve got a good feeling C’s just being extra friendly, but she’s easier to forget about than S because I just met her.

Also, what you said is advice enough. Posting to the actual thread regarding C wouldn’t do much because you’ve already said everything you needed to, and I thank you for it.

However, tomorrow I have a ‘date’ of sorts with my friend’s cousin who is visiting her. I’m not too sure what we’ll do but my friend’s got class all day and I don’t, so we’ll most likely grab lunch and maybe head into town.

Astro, this sucks, really!!

You’re bumping into every category of girl that you should be avoiding!!!

Gay guys generally look after their appearance and can be pretty hot (us girls call it Sod’s Law!), so perhaps that’s why she’s drooling. She also doesn’t seem to be ready for a relationship, so flirting with him is safe territory. I’d be jealous too in your situation; it’s perfectly normal. She’s giving him the attention that you so wanted for yourself, so don’t worry about it. You’re not a robot who can just press buttons to start and stop your feelings.

The other girl is a disaster waiting to happen. I wouldn’t stop hanging out with her, as, let’s face it any girl with the hots for you is only going to boost your ego and is good to have around when you’re down, HOWEVER there is a line there which you cross at your own peril.

Yes, European people do kiss on the cheek, but I did get the impression from what you wrote that there could be more to it than that. Time will tell I guess.

If you want something meaningful, then stay away from C. She may also just be extremely friendly so potentially she’s another one who’ll leave you standing, expecting more, which you’ll never get.

There must be more girls out there bar these two. What bad luck to have bumped into them one after another like this! :P Keep looking and keep your chin up. I’m sure your Cinderella will come to your rescue soon! xx

Re: the Anon posts, feel free to invite me if you want. I’ll reply anonymously, so that nobody will be able to trace the reply from my profile either. :)

Is it bad that I’m jealous of her gay friend? She’s literally all over him and I think she has the hots for him, but he’s GAY. This chick is messed up, man.

So am I. I didn’t think things could get worse but they have. I’ve made two anonymous posts about it because it’s kind of embarrassing.

Friday I met another girl (C) who I’m attracted to and, due to the first girl (S) being a flake, I thought ‘Hey she’s cute. I’ll do all the things I should have to done with S to C.’ So I did. I flirted with her a lot, looked her in the eyes, complimented her, then walked her back to her place and hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She’s from Denmark so I don’t know if it means anything to her or not (like the way Spanish kiss on the cheek as a greeting).

Anyway, no big deal, right? If anything this is a good thing. I saw her yesterday and she thanked me for taking her back to her place and I felt a sort of connection. Good for me, eh?

But here is the bad part: She has a boyfriend! She didn’t tell me she does, but I found out from her friends. I investigated (a.k.a. found her Facebook) and turns out he’s still in Denmark. I can’t tell if that and the fact she hasn’t told me about him means she’s looking to cheat on him or she is just generally clueless to my advances.

Ugh, this shit is ridiculous.

LOL! k, that’s good…you had me worried there for a while!
The way this girl has been behaving, a guy would be lucky to get a peck on the cheek, let alone anything else!! :P

Haha, well, I’m not exactly a ‘player’ or anything like that, but I mean I do like to get a little physical with the girl I’m seeing at the time.

The weird thing is that I know she’s feeling it, too. Her Facebook status once read ‘I want hot in more that one sense of the word,’ but obviously she doesn’t want me to provide that for her. And it’s not like I’m going to sleep with her the minute we go out on a date. But I would give almost anything to make out with her for a while. Sigh.

Hey Astro,
Good on you for making that decision…it’s not easy by any stretch.
Yes, you should wait for something meaningful…you’ve only been here for a couple of months…how much action are you used to, lol?! I’m sure you’ll be fine waiting a little longer, you just need to keep yourself busy and focus on other things.
Well…my advice would be to give her a piece of her own medicine and just leave her be. She’s been getting way too much attention off you lately and what a rude awakening if you suddenly leave her high and dry.
That’s not to say that you should play games either. I’m just saying that if you’ve genuinely decided that it’s over, then being around her will make it harder for you to move on. Much rather lose her for a few days to clear your head. You’re only human and can’t switch your emotions on and off unfortunately.
Well that’s my advice anyway….best of luck…
F :)

Yeah, I pretty much figured that out myself. I’m just going to move on and try to get her out of my head. I’m just so sick of girls stringing me along and then leaving me hanging like this. It happens all the time.

It’s because I’m shy, I think. I’m fine with talking to girls who I’m not interested in, but the moment I take an interest in someone, my mouth clams up and I have no idea what to say.

Anyway, I’m going to wash my hands of this whole thing. I’ve wasted enough energy chasing this girl and I’m tired of it.

The worst thing is that I haven’t had any ‘action’ since coming to the UK and I’m going a bit nuts because of it. But I don’t want easy chicks or any of that because I want to feel like I love the girl who I’m getting physical with. So I’m pretty much screwed either way.

Still, I’m going to ask out a few girls casually here and there. None of her friends, mind you, as that would be childish and stupid, but I’m not going to bother wasting my time and energy on someone who would much rather call me a friend without telling me about it.

If I do get the opportunity, I’ll talk to her about my feelings. I’m not going to ignore her completely, but I sure as hell am not going to bother trying to get with her anymore. Her ship has sailed.

Hey,

No worries…rant away, I’m cool.

Okay, well why don’t you just assume that nothing’s going to come of this? Assume that the answer’s no and move on? If she liked you enough, the paths to communication would be open a lot wider? As a minimum, I think you’re safe to assume that whatever her feelings for you are, your feelings for her are much stronger. Do you really want to live like this, dangling off a string?

It’s hard to assume it’s a ‘no’ and move on though, right? You deserve and need closure. You need to hear it from her mouth. Promise yourself that this is the last time that you’re waiting around for her though, please.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through…you deserve so much better :(

Hey,

No worries…rant away, I’m cool.

Okay, well why don’t you just assume that nothing’s going to come of this? Assume that the answer’s no and move on? If she liked you enough, the paths to communication would be open a lot wider? As a minimum, I think you’re safe to assume that whatever her feelings for you are, your feelings for her are much stronger. Do you really want to live like this, dangling off a string?

It’s hard to assume it’s a ‘no’ and move on though, right? You deserve and need closure. You need to hear it from her mouth. Promise yourself that this is the last time that you’re waiting around for her though, please.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through…you deserve so much better :(

I didn’t see her. I’m still sort of upset.

Augh! Just as I predicted, she’s pretty much avoiding contact with me. Facebook and IMs don’t work and I haven’t tried, but I doubt she’ll answer her phone. I’ll probably be in her building tonight for some kind of get-together with my friends who live there, so if I see her I’ll just take her aside and talk to her. That’s the only way any of this shit is going to get resolved.

I am really pissed off right now. I mean, I can handle a simple No, but all of this Maybe shit is not only confusing but frustrating.

Sorry, I’m venting at you, but I’m pretty damn livid about this whole situation.

Yep…go for it. You honestly have nothing to lose at this juncture.

Where she lives isn’t exactly easily accessible to those who don’t live there, too. So my only shot would be to call/text/IM her asking her to coffee/tea. I guess I could do that, but I’d have to be pretty damn convincing.

Hey Astro,

You’re right that it sucks and you’re going to have to take charge and knock this on the head, because this girl could just be playing you along and enjoying the attention she’s getting.

I don’t think you’re giving yourself the best chance if you do it over the phone. You’ve waited this long. You know how it is over the phone. You need to get to the bottom of this and the only way of doing this fully and knowing where you stand is face to face.

Can’ you just go round there when you’re free to drop something round? Just ask her if she fancies a quick coffee and walk somewhere together?

The big problem, though, is that inviting her anywhere is like trying to wrestle a grizzly bear. It’s almost impossible for me to get her to go anywhere with me, so I’m thinking I should just do the deed over the phone knowing that she would just give me a ‘maybe.’

I’m really sick of that, by the way. Why can’t she just say ‘No’ or ‘Yes’ instead of all this indecisive bullshit?

Astro,

Hey, it’s really good that you suggested speaking to her in your post. I was going to tell you the exact same thing. It’s the only way that you’ll ever get to the bottom of what’s going on. You’re a great guy who deserves so much better than this. If you’re wasting your time on her, rather you know now than after another painful two months of waiting.

You know this in your heart of hearts, but most girls, if they were interested, would have done something by now. She could be exceptionally shy, but really, I wouldn’t waste any more energy worrying or tiptoeing around the situation. Invite her out during the daytime, go somewhere quiet where there’s just the two of you (maybe to the park?), maybe for a coffee and ask her what’s going on.

Nip it in the bud now, trust me, you’ll thank yourself for it later. Alternatively, you could take her out to dinner and do it all romantically. My only worry with this approach is if she says she’s not interested in a relationship…you could end up feeling a little foolish. However, I have not met her and not seen her around you; only you can decide which way to do this. It does need to be done soon.

Speaking to her friends is not a good idea; maybe right at the beginning this would have been a good approach, however it’s been two months now so you should rather speak with her directly and get it over with.

I hope that things work out for you Astro…shout me anytime.

Hugs,
Farah :)

So today was pretty fun. The party lasted pretty much all day and by the end of it (just a few minutes ago) I reminded her about our raincheck and she said ‘Okay’ with a kind of shy smile. So I’m pretty sure she’s just very shy.

It’s a problem. I’m so nervous around her that I find it hard to talk to her. I can talk to plenty of other girls and joke around and be flirtatious, but with her I just get all nervous and hesitant and confused.

Hey,
No worries…you’re very sweet and I’m honestly okay. Lots of people came and it kinda cheered me up. I cried a bit but felt better for it. There’s nothing any of us can do to bring him back, but any prayers for him would be greatly appreciated as I do worry about him under all of those layers of soil all alone…and on the other side of the world too :o(

Hey, this girl seems into her study, which is great. I wouldn’t worry about having asked her, as you can’t undo the past and it was hardly the world’s greatest mistake. From what you say, there was a good chance that she would have accepted had it not been for the book. That said, I certainly wouldn’t ask her out for the same evening again, as if you do it more than once it can seem as though you don’t have much of a social life, and that’s the last impression you want to create.

Forget about what happened, be yourself when you next speak to her. Don’t apologise again, but do ask her how her class went, as girls like it when you show an interest. By all means explain that you had a last-minute cancellation from one of your friends. Then joke with her that she owes you a time and date and leave it at that. I wouldn’t bring up the topic with her again, as there is no need to.

Hope this helps and best of luck :o)
I’m falling asleep as I type this and am about to drop, but I’ll check back at lunchtime tomorrow..

Night night,
Farah :)

Ah, I completely understand. Such is life.

To be honest, I feel sort of bad about laying all my shit on you and having you sort it out without me giving anything back. Is there anything I could help you with?

Also, The Girl needed to read that book by her class tomorrow, so it’s a damn good excuse. Saturday I’ll casually ask her when is a better time. Should I apologize again for not giving her enough notice or just not worry about it too much? (I’m thinking not worry.)

Hey, Saturday is not so far away y’know! (if you mean this Saturday, that is)…
Leave it in her hands…when you next see her, remind her that she owes you a time and date. Leave it as that for the time being. You can’t ask her out on successive nights, because, in doing so, it makes you look desperate, which is never a good thing. Constantly asking her out does nothing for your image as a desirable youngman who’s a great catch.

I would, apart from reminding her once, leave it in her court now. She MUST know by now that you’re keen on her and interested. Take this from me as a girl: If a guy who I was very keen on asked me out, I would most probably figure out some cheat way out of not reading the book. However, if reading this book was something that just had to be done, then I would contact him the next day to arrange something else. This is not at the initial stage where you’re both shy and don’t know each other; you guys have spent a fair amount of time together now, so she should feel comfortable enough to call you.

Hope this helps and apologies for the late reply…today would have been my late husband’s 28th birthday, so we had some prayers for him at home and I’ve been on my feet all day.

Hugs,
Farah :)

So I asked her out for this evening (admittedly very last minute), but she says she has a book to read for one of her literature classes. She did, however, say ‘I’ll take a raincheck.’

Saturday is the lazer tag party, so I won’t be seeing her until then. Should I follow up on the date then or should I wait till some other time? I’m not sure what to do about this raincheck, but at least it means she’s willing to go out some other time, but she’s sort of indecisive as she’s admitted to me before.

Yeah, I know. I’m just terrified of the idea, is all. Asking girls out scares me more than anything else, especially the ones like this one.

Well…think about it…She’s spent a lot of time alone with you, you told her on Valentine’s Day how you feel. She never ran away. She knows you like her and she still hangs out with you, knowing this. Go for it, because what do you have to lose? At least you’ll know if she truly likes you or if she’s just playing games and you’re wasting your time and emotions on her.

If it helps, then look at it this way: If you don’t do it and some other dude comes and beats you to it, then you’ll never for know for sure whether you really stood a chance and you’ll beat yourself up for not asking her.

Hmm. I feel sort of discouraged. I don’t know if it’s nervousness hitting me or just the fact that I think too much, but I really don’t know what to think about The Girl anymore. I just feel like giving up on the whole thing. I was going to ask her to dinner tomorrow, but I just don’t know if I can do it. I’m so scared she’ll say ‘No’ and I’ll look like a complete ass. I really don’t know what to do.

Night :o)

Oops, yeah me too! G’night!

Btw: didn’t realise how late it was…don’t you have lectures tomorrow?! I should be hitting the sack soon; got to be awake at 8!

Yes!! That sounds good. It’s direct and it’s confident. If you want to ask me anything beforehand, then by all means ask on here.
Soz about my previous shout which due to a slow network went through too many times!
Hey, no need to thank me for the help, honestly. I’ve been where you are and it’s awkward to know what to do when you’re in the middle of the situation; much easier for people on the outside to advise.
Best of luck in any case,
:)

I very much appreciate your help. Really. You’ve given me plenty of excellent pointers and ideas that I never would have thought of that so far have worked. I’m going to hang low for a little while, at least till Wednesday or Thursday (my two most boring days) before making contact with her other than planning for the Lazer Tag party (for which I created a Facebook event and invited loads of people). I know the name of the game is Hard to Get, but I don’t think that’s been working out too well for me. I’ve always been a bigger fan of the Direct Approach. So later this week I’ll ask her what’s she’s up to and ask her out, over the phone, on an honest-to-God, one hundred per-cent, official as a stamp from the Prime Minister DATE. The worst part is finding the words. ‘Can I take you out for dinner tonight?’ sounds good to me. What do you think?

Hey, I’m sorry if I’m confusing you. I’m honestly trying to help, I promise.. :o(

Yeah I know. I’m trying my damnedest to avoid that.

Hey,

I understand…it is important to start out as friends and get to know each other first. The obvious problem with that is that if you leave it long enough without saying anything, then you may just stick as her friend.

When is the laser tag thing? If it’s tomorrow, then you’re kinda making it obvious that you have nothing much else going on. If it’s in a couple of days then I suppose it’s fine, but be equally charming to her friends as you are to her. Don’t give her any extra importance if you can help it. This should be easier for you since you’ve bonded with them fairly well too by now. This may give her a bit of her own medicine. And just lie low before and after it. The worst thing that a guy can do is look too desperate or available. Make up stuff that you’re up to if you have to, but the key is to be:

- Nice looking and make an effort
- A busy bee with a full calendar of things to do, even if it be family-oriented.
- Confident and know what you want
- Charming as hell, to all girls and not just her. Remember, you’re not with her yet, so need to act like you’re a couple.

The cinema was your ideal chance…I know that you may not have felt it. It’s going to be hard to say it regardless of where you are, really it is. So better to just bite the bullet and do it sooner rather than later.

Erm, well they weren’t exactly her friends. They were my friends. She just had her one friend over.

It’s a complicated situation that I can’t exactly go into with great detail, but basically two of my friends (who were at the party) made some comments about her and her friends that I made them apologize for. Needless to say, going to the party I was at would have made her feel very awkward, even though the two guys had made their peace. So I can understand that.

Still, she made it up to me by hanging out with me today, so it’s at least a step in the right direction. And even though I wrote her a poem and treated her to a Valentine’s Day salad, I haven’t exactly been direct with her about my feelings. Even the poem was littered with jokes that didn’t exactly scream ‘Hey I like you.’ I have a problem with that when it comes to girls I like who start out as friends.

We’re both pretty shy and it’s really hard for me especially to say what I’m thinking. At any rate, I’m going to have to gather all my courage together and just put it out there, but I really don’t know how to go about it. I’m pretty in the dark about this, and the worst is that I feel I shouldn’t be.

Hey, that’s cool.

I really felt for you last night…fancy you being left with her mates all night when she was the one who called you! How many games can a girl play?

I really do think that you shouldn’t go around there as often and you should make yourself out to be less available.

A really nice thing which a guy once did was to look right into my eyes and say…”I didn’t just come here for the party(etc) y’know” And that kinda said it all- short but also sweet. You don’t need to have a massive conversation with her, but you need to put it out there. Perhaps say that to her at the end of your next outing together. Personally, I would lie low for a few days or wait for her to call you next. It’s so odd that nothing has happened yet and I do wonder whether she’s playing extremely hard to get or just not ready for that right now.

Also, I couldn’t really tell if she was getting closer to me or not. Um, to be honest, her body language seemed a little closed off (she folded her arms), but maybe she was just getting comfortable or was shy. However, when we sat down initially, she moved because I made a joke about getting bad seats but not being able to move now that I had already sat down, and said I had to follow her. So I mean, she wanted to sit with me, but I don’t know.

I didn’t exactly go for her hand, though I made it available, I guess. She didn’t, though. Not really. But the film wasn’t exactly a romantic movie (’Charlie Wilson’s War’).

I don’t know. As in my thread about mixed signals, I find it hard to determine if she is just being really friendly or is actually romantically interested.

So I guess I should ask her out on a real date. How should I go about this since today was pretty much the same thing (although, I did make it seem more like we were just hanging out).

Finally, I think you’re right about making myself a bit too available. I didn’t have to go grocery shopping; she said she was free afterward to do something, so I really should have planned for something then instead of agreeing to meet her at Tesco.

Our next hangout will probably be for the laser tag thing. Um, that’s not much of a date, especially if we’re inviting our friends along. Crap, now you’ve got me all confused.

Oh, and dinner with her tonight would have been too impractical, I feel. I’ll see what I can do about making a real date (though I’m kind of confused on how to go about it) and then just talk to her about things.

Hmm, good things to think about.

Hey Astro,

That sounds okay… at least you’re getting to spend time with her. Hmm..about the hair…well you would’ve thought she’d make more of an effort, but having said that, if it was windy and you were only going grocery shopping, maybe she just wanted to dress practical.

So…a couple of questions:

1) Have you spoken to her properly yet, since Valentines to ask her what’s going on?
Could you have taken her for dinner after the movie and maybe asked her?
2) Did she get close in the cinema, like move any closer to you or give you any sign?
3) If you’re going grocery shopping with her, then are you perhaps making yourself too available? She should be looking forward to spending time with you, and therefore want to make the effort, so do have a think about whether you could spend any less time around there.

Hope this helps and hope that this mystery gets unravelled soon…this constant yo-yo-ing of emotions can’t be good for you…