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• I am thinking about killing meself; anyone want to tell me why I should not?
  

  *Reposted, I will use this username from now on.
  
  I’m not suicidal or depressed, but I can relate. I lie in bed every day and realize how pointless everything is. Amusement parks, music, everything…It’s pointless.
  
  I’m a Christian, so I’m not going to kill myself. As far as I’m concerned, He is the only reason why I’m still living. Sometimes I wish He was just a myth and that there was no Afterlife. Whether you believe or not, you really don’t have any proof to think so. It’s a matter of how far you are into the relationship.
  
  I think I sense of glimmer of hope for me in the future. But as of right now, I honestly cannot see any reason to live besides the fact that He exists. I’m barely hanging by a thread, but I told Him to never leave me…
  
  I just want to feel useful. I don’t want to have the pointless life that everyone around me is living. I once heard someone say “Your life matters.” Right now, I’m pretty sure He’s the only one who gives a hoot about me. I’m not complaining, because I don’t need love and caring from a human. He’s enough. But I just want something out of this life…Anything. I just don’t know how to make myself amount to anything.
  
  I’m probably boring you…What’s new.
  - written 1 year ago

• my mom expects me to go to church with her every week.
  

  *Reposted, I will use this username from now on.
  
  Your mother (as evil as she may come off) has good intentions, as does any other Christian you might view as “pushy.” I was also raised a Christian since birth, but it didn’t really do much for me until I reached the age of sixteen, when I reached a point in my life (I’ll spare you the details) where I would either commit suicide or live for Him. I chose Him. I just become petrified at the thought of spending an eternity in the Lake of Fire.
  
  I realize I was lucky for my Christian background. It came in quite handy. It always does…You’ll see.
  
  I became a born-again Christian (I never stopped believing, I just strayed, and my heart was never into it until now). I’m still trying to get my life in order, since it still needs serious mending. I sometimes still feel as if I don’t want to live…
  
  But this is because of the fact that all this occurred recently. Yes, I’m sixteen (I hate admitting my age online, I always feel that when people find out, they always use a condescending tone on me, as if they know more because they’ve lived longer, or as if I’m a joke not to be taken seriously merely because of my age, and it’s odd, because I know they’re taken aback by the “shocking” news that who they thought was a ripened adult is just a young girl…I’m not even going to get into my gender, though it has worked in my favor in most cases).
  
  Sorry for rambling.
  
  Back to the subject at hand…
  
  You really shouldn’t call your mother a hypocrite. Yes, it’s human nature (unfortunately) to judge others, but like that verse in the Bible goes:
  
  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
  
  It just shows us that it’s none of our business to scrutinize one’s choices in life. Leave that between God and your mother. I myself have made many a mistake in my past, most of which I regret deeply to this day…Until I come to my senses and remember that the Lord forgives AND forgets. A good thing, too.
  
  I haven’t been to church in over a year (My mother doesn’t push me. She’s learned to back off. Or maybe she just doesn’t care. We were never close to begin with, and either way, we lean more on the bittersweet mother-daughter type of relationship. Then again, she herself is not really as close to Him as she should be, as the leader of the household…Maybe I’m misinterpreting it all, and she just understand why I have taken a break from church…So confusing). I have my reasons…One of them being that I’m scared to go to any church, because in previous ones I used to attend, I encountered some of the worst people known to mankind (there I go again judging, please bear with me), who have left me plenty of internal scars (because church is the last place I expected to meet such cruel, hurtful people…Even churches aren’t perfect. ‘Twas no refuge for me, is all I have to say…At least not the ones I’ve been to).You can’t tell, but I have a rather fragile soul. I’m sensitive, even though I come off as cold and distressed to most. Well, all of that contributed to my growing resentment of Christians and church (which is why I sometimes prefer to call myself a Believer in place of Christian, because I don’t want to associate myself with them, even though I probably am just as bad…Maybe not. Who knows, honestly). However, I hate to contradict myself, but church is something all Christians need. A Christian who doesn’t go to church is like a lamb without its shepherd. God appoints certain people to help make our lives a bit easier. But we have to keep in mind that those specific people aren’t any more perfect than you or I. And they too make mistakes. I long for perfection! But it’s something I have to wait a long while for…Until the day He takes me, I’m stuck here.
  
  Whoever you are, don’t stop believing. Maybe you feel you need a break from it all…But learning from my mistakes, all that will only result in is chaos. You’ll come crawling back to Him. Positive outcomes can spawn from negative occasions. I just pray that you won’t learn the hard way. It’s not fun! I’m still recovering…I shouldn’t even be on this site (I was just feeling a bit under the weather and Google’d away, and somehow arrived here). I’m in no position to help out others when I’m still trying to heal.
  
  And I leave you with this: You claim to be an Atheist (yet I sense it in you that you’re more on the fence concerning your beliefs)…But what if you’re wrong?
  
  Well, this was my two cents. I bid thee farewell, my darling.
  
  P.s. Gosh, I hope by “church” you mean a Christian one, because if not, then my post is pointless!
  - written 1 year ago

N/A's conversations are tagged:

madder, Thought, kill, religion, life, bullying, Week, Guilt, Sibling, Church, upset, hypocrisy