So you say you really need help, but people mostly ignore you.
But you’ve ignored professional opinion and gone off your meds. If you feel ignored, imagine how it feels studying the human mind for 5 years and having your prescription ignored because your patient thinks s/he knows better.
If the professionals aren’t helping you, it may be because you aren’t telling them everything.
You also say your mother has bought into the story that you’re getting better, and that upset you.
Who made up the story? If you’re pretending you’re feeling better then you can’t be expecting her to read your mind and know that you need help.
If you want help there is a plethora of information available to you, either from professionals in your area, or on the internet.
See a professional and tell him/her everything. All the information you’ve provided her is invaluable to a professional. Including the perceptions you have about your illnesses (present or imaginary).
You can share all of this with a professional in confidence. It’s against clinical practice for him/her to share this information with anyone, and s/he is the most qualified to help you with your problems. Believe me, they didn’t study at university as hard as they did not to help people. Otherwise they’d be bankers. Give them the best possible opportunity to help you and they will.
I’m pretty sure everyone is judging everyone constantly. I know I am constantly making judgements about people I meet, even people I don’t meet. It’s an innate reaction. However I am always carefully not to place unwanted emphasis on first impressions. Because statistically first impressions are generally false.
People will judge you wherever you go, whatever you do, and for whatever you don’t do, but the only people worth your time are the people who judge you fairly.
Don’t talk to yourself about broken pieces. Negative, emotive language isn’t helping.
You’ve identified her as a negative influence in your life, don’t let your feelings distort your reality.
Accept the damage she’s done to you and strip some good life lessons out of the situation, then move on.
Get busy, don’t give yourself time to feel remorse. Read a book instead.
She’s hurting you because you let her hurt you.
An open and generous heart is a good thing to have, but others burdens are not yours to bear.
Don’t invest your emotion in others who will sap it from you.
Ruminating on what could’ve been serves no purpose. Think to your present and future and how you might influence them.
If you shout out for advice, you’ll get it. Don’t be alarmed if you reject the advice and nothing changes. Making change usually means doing something we don’t want to do.
You need to seek professional help.
You admit that you cannot deal with your emotions and only a professional is going to help you out here.
You don’t love this girl, you’re infatuated. You’ve let this infatuation grow into a healthy obsession. Your brain is so used to thinking about her it’s become a habit so much so that it’s driving you crazy.
The best advice I can give you should stop thinking how you want to have a relation with this girl and think more about how you want to get over her and forget her.
You’re going to have to enforce some dramatic changes in your lifestyle and the way you think. This process won’t be enjoyable. It’s going to push your boundaries and take you out of your comfort zone, this will make you reluctant to change.
But if you don’t change, you’ll stay miserable. So find courage and go seek a professional. - written 5 hours, 42 minutes ago
If your parents split, it is going to affect your life greatly. I don’t think it is your place to do anything however.
This matter rests between your parents and they will make their own decisions.
I think the most you should do is mention, tactfully, to your parents that whatever their decision, it will have huge repercussions for you, and any other siblings if you have any. So they should think carefully.
Don’t accuse or abuse them. This is their choice. - written 5 hours, 49 minutes ago
The fact that you want to change yourself suggests that you’re insecure with yourself. You should try to be secure with who you are before you invite someone to share it with you. It’s like inviting someone round for cold tea. - written 1 week, 4 days ago