2013-11-29 16:35:50 on Do you think its a good idea to get married?
I think one aspect of marriage is very nice. Two people expressing their bond with each other through ritual. Though before divorce it meant a lot more.
Because of divorce, one partner can essentially leave with someone else’s assets.
I think culturally, the basis of marriage might arise from giving women financial and physical security who traditionally where not expected or considered capable to support themselves. The whole ritual places emphasis on the ‘giving over’ of the bride from father to groom, a passing of protective responsibility. The wedding is largely the bride’s affair. The wedding dress is designed to make the bride stand out from all others, whilst the groom blends in with all the other tuxedos.
Marriage is not purely about the unification of two people. Otherwise it wouldn’t require an audience. It’s a statement to the community.
I wouldn’t say no to living with someone and having kids, but with my current attitude I have no plans to get married. I enjoy my independence too much. Divorce is an increasingly chosen option today, and if I end up in that kind of scenario I want to keep everything I’ve earned.
I think marriages are largely unnecessary in western society. If two people love each other and they both know it then that’s great. I have no desire to fork out thousands of dollars to tell my family and friends that it is so. I don’t want to ‘lay claim’ to someone. They should feel free to leave me without feeling constrained by a ritual based on societal expectations.
It would not bother me to learn (if it were the case) that my parents had never been married. So many years living together coupled with the successful raising of multiple children is far more of a statement of love than a marriage. My parent’s marriage in this respect was only really a statement of intention which (thankfully) went according to plan.
Summary: Marriage is forking out a lot of money to tell other people that you plan to love someone by sharing your wealth/resources with them.
2013-10-28 11:58:17 on Just need an advice,
Where in the world are you?
If you aren’t happy with your current man and aren’t staying with him for any good reason then you should leave him, regardless of whether there is another man or not.
Holding on to a relationship whilst you develop others so you can slide easily from one to the other in my mind is deceitful.
Personally I think love is a state of being which distinguishes it from infatuation (an emotion). I think you are infatuated with the character this online person is presenting to you. He could be anyone.
I’d meet this character in a safe environment a couple of times being deciding whether he is who he says he is. But first, end your current relationship if it’s not working for you.
2013-10-23 17:59:53 on I want to kill myself at 17.
Of the 7billion people in the world, I’m sure many people can relate to you. I’m sorry to hear of your struggles. To have your mother and father not supporting you is a heavy burden to bear. Are you receiving/is there available/have you looking for financial benefits to help your brother out? There may be charities that might be willing to help you. Asking your brother for ways you might make your presence with him more beneficial to him might ease your guilt. Help him out around the house.
Learning difficulties can be amended. The majority of the time, people who are genuinely trying don’t fail because they’re stupid but because they haven’t found out the most efficient way for them to learn as an individual. Don’t take yourself too seriously, just commit yourself to the task in front of you.
As for your other points could be put into one. “Struggles with socialising cause low self-esteem.”
It is easy to feel overwhelmed when we put all our struggles out on the table in front of us. It makes us wonder how we do it going from day to day. But if you tackle your problems one by one, and group them together they’re easier to tackle.
Don’t worry about being odd. There are people of odd people in the world just like you, even though you may not be around any at the moment. Just go to a comic convention and you’ll find you’re surrounding by like minded people.
I guess the best advice I can share is that college is not in the now, so don’t think about it just yet. Concentrate on the now, do the best of your ability. Where you can, try something different in your life. I am a firm believer in that your life sucks because of the way you choose to live it. True some conditions are out of our control, but they way we choose to perceive those conditions is not. You can picture yourself as a loner, with a mountain of problems in a sea of doubt, or as a lone wolf who has a few adjustments to make on the road to self improvement. Perspective is everything. If you think you may be depressed. See your college counsellor.
2013-10-23 16:01:31 on Let us see where this goes :D
[quote mindhealer]The contradiction is the religious claim “God is good” vs the moral observation “there is evil”.[/quote]
Gotcha. My point is that the “…attempt to figure out” is ultimately fruitless, unless you consider the word of a religious authority figure or the words of scripture as religious fact.
Here’s a bigger question. How does religious knowledge change and adapt? Times change and scientific and cultural knowledge expands and corrects itself. How does religious knowledge evolve to accommodate new cultural and scientific knowledge if traditionally, knowledge is drawn from scripture that was written well before the present day?
ie. I’m guessing you can’t just add passages to the Bible.
2013-10-23 15:49:04 on Let us see where this goes :D
[quote mindhealer][quote wil]Non-religious person here trying to be understanding: Why would you bother hypothesising over something you can never empirically test?[/quote]
It’s an attempt to figure out what religions are really claiming. They are saying something, that much is obvious, and conceivably there is a coherent message if it deeply influences billions of people, but there are apparent contradictions and cognitive dissonance in every attempt to rationally understand, so what does it all mean?[/quote]
What contradictions are you referring to? I understand what cognitive dissonance is, but can’t comprehend how that connects to this issue. Spell it out for me?
I agree there is a message that many people feel deeply, but nonetheless, hypothesising over things you can’t know still seems pointless. I understand just straight up believing things for the sake of them, but trying to rationalise them with an absence of facts seems counter-intuitive and self-deceptive.
2013-10-23 15:20:14 on Let us see where this goes :D
Non-religious person here trying to be understanding: Why would you bother hypothesising over something you can never empirically test? Not trying to be a smart a** here. There’s obviously a reason there, I just don’t know what that is.
2013-10-13 14:20:30 on Really struggling right now.
[quote miso2011]Funny I was thinking about buying a ‘good’ camera today. Looking back at some old photos I’ve taken and thinking how much better they would have been with a decent camera![/quote]
I know everyone likes to by those clunky professional cameras, but you really don’t need something like that to take good photos. Get practicing with exposure, shutter speed etc, and work on your composition. Properly editing your photos is another skill.
2013-10-13 13:34:01 on Really struggling right now.
If you’re tired too tired. It might also be a problem with your diet, or maybe you’re not getting enough exercise.
Or you might just be lazy. Not accusing you or anything, I don’t know you. But it’s a possibility.
Make some sacrifices. Eat and live healthy. Live cheap. Save, and invest 20% of everything you earn back into yourself. Buy a camera and a book on photography and start taking pictures.
How old are you?
Have you had any situations in your life that may have caused you to shut off your emotions for a time to function properly? Examples might be a messy family divorce, a heart break, or loosing a loved one?
I ask these questions because sometimes underlying, unconscious attitudes of cynicism and resentment towards others can
cause you to close off from people, which might be what you’re experiencing.
Inner dialogue such as you mentioned: “this is taking up too much of my time. I should just forget her” etc. Can sometimes be
your brain seeking to maintain a positive image of yourself, denying the actual reasons you might have to avoid getting involved
deeply with someone. You could be afraid to get hurt again, or simply mistrustful of another’s intentions. But this isn’t always
something that people are eager to admit about themselves. A messy break-up could do this to you.
I don’t believe you’re a sociopath, at least not a fully-fledged one. The fact that you actively seek relationships for companionship and that you grieve after a break-up (even if not for very long) is evidence in your favour.
2013-10-04 21:03:37 on My life is a walled city and how should i free myself?
Stop speaking figuratively.
Maybe you are coming on too strong? Some people don’t want to get to serious. Some people find constant acts of kindness unnerving and hard to live up to. It can make them feel guilty for not reciprocating, they can misattribute the emotion and end up liking you less. My point is that everybody likes something different, but no harm came from taking things slow and letting the relationship develop at its own pace.
2013-09-26 20:01:00 on I don’t deserve a birthday “party”.
Don’t simply dwell on the negative here. If you believe you’ve done your family wrong, you might the best present you can receive is one that you give them. Tell him you don’t want a dinner and a present after the wrongs you’ve done them. Tell them it would make you happy to do something for them. Take THEM out for dinner!
Spurning peoples generosity because of your own guilt is self-destructive behaviour.
Be pro-active and right your past wrongs so you can get on with sharing quality time with your family. They won’t be around forever.
Easy. Ask your friend if she plans on doing something about her crush, ie. asking the guy out. If she seems reluctant, tell her that if she isn’t going to, you’re pretty keen on him too and would like to ask him out.
If she gets angry with you just say calmly that you haven’t asked him out, just that you’d like to if she isn’t going to.
I doubt she could think of a justifiable argument to be cross with you asking him out if she isn’t going to.
If she gets confrontational because she starts unjustifiably perceiving you as a threat then cast her off. You don’t need people
like that around you.
2013-09-26 19:42:23 on I know this isn’t a question or a problem but…
Is that correct? I mean yeah the results are exciting, but surely the presence of water doesn’t imply the existence of life?
The presence of water implies the necessary conditions required to sustain life, but life doesn’t just spring up where water is.
2013-09-26 07:24:08 on okay so I need opinions please, Im feeling ambitious!
[quote MAYanee_]Okay, I will apply, but im also scared that the company Im applying for will contact my current employer, I dont want my employer to find out that Im looking for another job becouse if I dont get it then it they will make my days miserable[/quote]
Discuss the matter with your potential new employer, they might be sympathetic. If you have another employer they could use as a reference you could avoid that situation entirely.