alex ^3's reply history at Help.com

I partly agree with Dr. Ralph and Raver, but not completely.

I don’t think you’re really considering WHY people care about things when you try not to care too much yourself. Caring comes from appreciation, right? You care about your cats because you understand them on a deeply personal level (and they, in their way, relate to you).

You would never want to care less for your pets, I am sure. So therefore, when you really care about something, you don’t always say “don’t care don’t care.”

Are we agreed, then, that there are some things you want to care about, and others that you don’t?

Now, with people, strong relationships happen when both people understand each other on the level that you understand your pets. That takes time and it’s rare. So it’s not surprising that there’s no one you can really trust. (Being 13 was like that for a lot of us… as Raver said). Right now, it sounds like there’s no one you want to allow to get to know you that well, and vice versa. DO NOT assume that that will always be the case, though. You probably will find people you are about, and 20 years might even change your perspective about kids with cancer :)

I can’t tell you whether or not to get help. I do know that you’re not going to stop analyzing yourself and you’re very bright. So, let’s give you some ammunition. First, you need to know about the Roman Stoics. They were the earliest people to develop a philosophy around emotions. Read about them in Wikipedia and check out Musonius Rufus and Seneca in particular.

Next, you need some science. There’s a good book by a neurologist, Antonio Damasio called “Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain.” This book might be too advanced for you, but give it a shot.

If you want even more to read, reply to this page! Good luck.

Yeah… I know a random book seems like an odd recommendation… but I really, really recommend that you read Lucy Sullivan. You have to get through a lot to get to the drinking elements - but “Lucy” deals with this issue with her father (as well as her initial refusal to admit to herself that he was even an alcoholic).

Angela’s Ashes is another one… (and another case of a father who drinks) and that’s autobiographical. But I found Angela’s Ashes trying, and I’m a very patient reader.

[quote mills]Here are a few examples to help you remember where the apostrophe is needed.

“Jacob’s shoes are very cool.” The shoes belong to Jacob (singular: one person).

“I found the dog’s old bone buried in the backyard.” The bone belongs to the dog (singular: a single dog).

“Look at all of the sailors’ boats!” The boats belong to the sailors (plural: there is more than one sailor).

“The children’s dresses were pink and frilly.” The dresses belong to the children, but since the word children is already plural without having to add an “s” at the end, this is an exception.[/quote]

Actually, I think mills’s examples confuse the issue. (And yes, folks, when a name ends in an s, the correct grammatical usage is s’s.)

You don’t just use apostrophes to show possession with people (or dogs). Houses have fireplaces… and they are the houses’ fireplaces. A knife has a blade, and it is the knife’s blade. Cars have tires, and a car’s tires go round and round :) etc….

probably not. there are support groups you can go to for information about this.

but, actually, there’s a fun fiction book by an author with experience dealing with this problem…

buy: “Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married” by Marian Keyes

it’s a cute romance story (very “chick lit”) but the drinking side of the story is deadly serious and seems to be accurate from my limited understanding.

hmmm… in my experience, there’s something wrong with this picture.

women do have to signal when they’re interested in men. there’s a way to make it clear to guys that they can take steps to advance things - slowly - and that you’ll be OK with that. what you don’t want is to end up with a guy that pursues you without any signals (which appears to be what you’re waiting for).

if you walk in small circles, which it sounds like, since you say “everyone knows me,” then some guy has to risk his friendship with you to advance things. and that requires him to take a small leap and you to do likewise. don’t stop being a good girl, but try letting a good guy know that you’re interested.

another way to look at that last part is…

taking away 24% is the same thing as leaving 76%. So rather than taking 24% of 6x^2, you can just take 76% of 6x^2. it’s a little faster.

[quote littlenick][quote alex ^3]Oh - by the way - I don’t agree with anon. If he were “taking you for a ride” he would still be sleeping with you.[/quote]

I think he already had the ride, he just did not pay for it![/quote]

No… the “hot and cold” and fighting don’t fit that profile. He clearly does care about her.

yup. good luck.

Oh - by the way - I don’t agree with anon. If he were “taking you for a ride” he would still be sleeping with you.

OK - there are a few of issues here.

First - If he doesn’t want to be more than friends, you have to accept his judgment, and you can’t force him to explain. The explanation will probably hurt you, and the reasons why people don’t want to have relationships with other people are often subjective in ways that they can’t explain. If he tries to force an explanation out of himself: It probably won’t be perfectly true AND it might hurt you badly. I think he knows that, and in a way he is trying to protect you.

Second - you SHOULD be able to be friends with him again. I know it will take a lot of work, but you can do it. I know many people who have broken up who have managed to stay friends. It is especially painful for some months, but after a while it works out okay.

find another chemistry teacher to help you out. and maybe just explain the problem to another teacher. that could make a BIG difference.

yes. she’s now waaaaay better at chemistry than the teacher that criticized her. she’s better at chemistry than most chemists.

there are two things to keep in mind:

(1) your teachers really aren’t very good at the things they teach. otherwise, they probably wouldn’t BE teachers. this doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them, but it does mean that they aren’t the final authority on how good you can be some day.

(2) most of skill is practice. you can get to be GREAT at anything if you work at it. sometimes, in school, this means A LOT of work - because you might not be good at learning, and you might have a lot to learn. i sometimes tutor people, and i can usually help people get whatever grades they would like if they are willing to work hard enough with me.

i’ve also had teachers who told me i wouldn’t be any good at physics, and later i won a bunch of physics prizes. don’t take the bastards seriously. and DON’T let him or her convince you that you can’t be good at these fields. i promise, he or she has no idea.

my girlfriend is a brilliant chemist with a PhD in a related field, and one of her early teachers told her she wouldn’t be any good at chemistry.

actually, the most important questions to be able to answer are: why do you want this job (why do you want to work here?)? and why do you think you’d be good at this job?

you should try to come up with one ore two reasons for each - and prepare to deliver them well.

Most people think I’m thin, and my BMI is 19.7 for what it’s worth.