Speaktoyoda's profile at Help.com

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• So I find myself at a crossroads. posted (1 year, 10 months) ago
  A little more than two months ago (just before thanksgiving) my wife informed me that she was leavi…

• The nature of religion does not have to be exclusionary. posted (1 year, 11 months) ago
  I make this post in response to an extremely long post started by Fizz which was recently closed. T…

• This is a little strange, posting on a random website but as I have no one to turn to at least I can vent here. posted (2 years) ago
  My wife is leaving me, there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Any and all trust I ever had has…

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Speaktoyoda's Top (1) Replies by other users' votes

• (1 vote) Is this true?
  

  So I came into this post kinda late, but I think I might be able to add some spice to the sauce so here goes.
  No truer statement has been made, my friend, and the key phrase you use is “very few.” We live in a world and a society that is by NATURE dog-eat-dog. To care about someone is to have compassion, to be compassionate to someone is to love them in a way.
  Society beats down those that show compassion. Is there a spot on your tax return that says “How much money did you loan other people this year, approx.” Yes there’s more to caring than money, it was just an allusion, but here’s my point. To care about someone you must give of yourself. Whether its your love, your time, or your money/property it costs you in some way. In a perfect world the cost would be written off in some way, or more ideally you would have infinite reserves.
  Today especially more and more, people are raised to take care of number one. Unfortunately I am officially a member of a generation that takes the easy way out 99/100. Most people I meet my age have been through divorce, unsteady careers, and some form of abuse (whether self-inflicted or from others). If you don’t care about yourself, why would anyone else care about you?
  As technology makes our world seem smaller and smaller, people find it easier to just not think about that which hurts them (and therefore costs them) and look the other way. Is this right? Hell no. Does it happen? Everyday, unfortunately. I feel for you and your experience AKSLOGISTIC. Been through something similiar myself.
  I’m pretty sure now in life that caring for someone means you must hurt for them as well. Sharing in emotional situations, helping a friend move out of their home, they all hurt in some way. Those that give all of themself are left with nothing. Some of the nicest people I have met were dirt poor. They would give you the last morsel of their food out of courtesy. I have met very few wealthy people in life that I wouldnt want to roll downhill in a well used portable-lavoratory. Those I encounter are for the most part arrogant, cold hearted inside (although of course, they lie to the rest of the world with pseudokindness), and would rather get on about their buisiness and let a door close in your face than give you 5 seconds time. I’m not trying to generalize here, but stereotypes exist because people perpetuate them.
  So unfortunately Qzzzz I must choose answer A. I have helped personally many people throughout my life, even when I had little or nothing to help with. I have sacrificed and endured under the assumption that one day, it all will be returned in life. Today I have nothing to show for it all except a few people who will smile at me and say hi on a sunny day (they all seem to be inside on the rainy ones). That kinda sucks, and it certainly doesn’t motivate anyone to continue caring for anybody.
  
  - written 2 years ago – voted for by I left

Last 5 Replies – All 43 replies »

• So I find myself at a crossroads.
  

  I want to stress that when its bad its unpleasant and depressing, but when its good its really really good. We have a great time together and share many interests, we talk well about nonchalant things or even controversial issues. I love my wife for who she is, intellect mind and soul. I think the major difference in this situation is I have suffered long hardships in my life and she came from a life of some priveledge and security. I simply deal with things differently.
  
  I think thats the best idea Times. I’ll look into us seeing someone individually and kinda pick up joint sessions as we go. I think I’m slowly getting through to my wife but I don’t want to have to be a depressed and unhappy person for her to understand. Why would someone want to love that? I’m apprehensive about counselors because I’ve had no good experiences with them and little good in my life has come of it in the past. Finding a good counselor is almost as hard as finding your true love.
  
  And sadly, Farah, I think I lost my mind back in ‘91. =P
  - written 1 year, 10 months ago

• my boyfriend is so mean to be he makes me feel like
  

  About time! =D
  - written 1 year, 10 months ago

• my boyfriend is so mean to be he makes me feel like
  

  Help.com has their own chat channels… its on the bar at the top of the page, in the orange next to Profile. I’ll open a 2nd tab and try to pay attention to catch you when you join in =P.
  - written 1 year, 10 months ago

• So I find myself at a crossroads.
  

  I do keep my mouth shut and let her get the final say often, even when I totally disagree… works about 90% of the time to where she comes back 5 mins later and apologizes for the way she was acting and then we talk rationally. I must agree that I feel she needs a telling off, but not from me… she needs a close friend or family member to do that and she treats everything that has happened like a skeleton in the closet, telling no one.
  
  Counseling at a church is our primary option, and we’ve looked into it but our schedules prevent us from being able to set anything up. For example today she works 8:30-3, I work 4-1. We’ll see each other for about 15 mins when she gets home, and for a few minutes if she wakes up when I get home. This is just one of many stress factors in our lives, and when we have a day off (almost never the same day but on rare occasions) theres always much to accomplish.
  
  It boils down to some sacrifices are going to have to be made I think in order to get to counseling, but that’s what we’re going to have to do. I have always believed that two rational, thinking adults could reason out anything… but there’s too much going unsaid and too many grudges I think. I’m really not getting treated badly as often as it may seem… but even when things are going well she seems almost aloof and uninterested in being close to me. She says thats just the way she is, and I can’t deny that. She has always had a problem with intimacy.
  
  Well I gotta run, more later. Thanks for the help and keeping me sane.
  - written 1 year, 10 months ago

• my boyfriend is so mean to be he makes me feel like
  

  Basically I explained a psyche theory that has helped me immeasurably. I’d like to recommend a book that explains it a heck of a lot better than my post, but I think I got the gist of it down (if it’ll ever be let through by help.com, I have no idea why it is pending… its perfectly acceptable). If you’d like to switch to chat or want to know the book just lemme know, I’m here and ready to help =P
  - written 1 year, 10 months ago

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