Nightowl's reply history at Help.com

He’d think I was a looser. I had very high aspirations as a child, none of which I’ve lived up to.

I used to come to this site all the time. Back then, I helped others because I believed every person was inherently good. I believed in hope, and good will, and the benefit of the doubt.

But that’s bull ****. You can’t ******* hope, what does hope get you? It gets you ******* nothing but pipe dreams thats what. And that just makes it hurt more when you fall.

Life is hard. You can’t depend on other people for ****. If you can’t pull yourself up by your own boot straps…well then you don’t really want to.

No one can help you but you. Yea, people can give you advice, but all the advice in the world aint worth **** unless you have the willpower to implement it.

She was with her cousin and my best friend. That piece of **** was supposed to take care of her. She died because he didn’t take action. She died because of his selfishness. Its the same as seeing someone choking, and not doing **** all to save them…its disgusting, and its evil. He ran away, off to “rehab” in florida. I say “rehab” because he lies so much you can’t trust a word he says.

He’s very very persuasive, charming even. He manipulates people to his ends only, with no concern for their mental or physical well being. He fits the clinical diagnosis of a sociopath.

He got kicked out of rehab about two months ago, he’s been living on the street spending the night wherever he can. Spending his money on crack, heroin, and prostitutes. He cut off communication with me about a month ago. I think he sensed my loathing of him. Although every phone conversation we had was pleasant on the surface, there was a venom to my words that I couldn’t hide.

I hate him. I’ve never hated anyone before, I never even knew the meaning of the word. But what I feel for him, is pure, hard, cold, hate.

I have a therapist I just started seeing. And a psychiatrist. I’ve got klonopin and its a godsend, I wouldn’t even be able to function without it. I know because I thought I didn’t need ‘em as bad as I do, so I sold about half of them…a mistake I wont make again. Without these pills, I feel like a monster. All I want is vengeance. When I’m not thinking about her I’m thinking about the piece of **** she was with that night, stupid, stupid *******. He could have brought her to the hospital as soon as she ODd and saved her life. Instead he was so worried about his own skin that she was DOA.

I hate myself for not being there. I hate myself for not nipping this whole situation in the bud. I hate myself for not seeing how troubled she really was…I saw all the warning signs…and I thought “shes just going through a rough patch”. I don’t deserve to call myself a man.

nope, not creepy at all.

They’re trying to sell you their product…I really doubt their information is accurate. But anyway, I did some more digging and apparently there ARE several things that can be mistaken for coke in the bloodstream.

My god. How hard is it to understand that opiates do not equal cocaine? Now coke is a stimulant, but other then that its in a class all its own. Unlike opiates, which come in many forms (Opium, heroine, oxycontin ect.). Although opiates come in many forms, they all metabolize into the SAME chemical once they get into your body; morphine.

So, no there’s no other drug that a drug test could mistake cocaine for.

Are you coming to new york? I’d be fun if we got to hang out some time.

[quote Bella.]I’m not saying I can’t or don’t just pick myself up and carry on. And yes, I do things about it. All I’m saying is a don’t need some stranger spewing out a load of textbook motivational crap to make me do so, I need someone on my side. I feel that is where all my counsellors have gone wrong. That is added to the fact that I have never sought or asked for counselling, it’s ALWAYS been forced upon me. And every time, the general approach has been to keep seperate, detached and to simply go through the same old script and expect it to change my life. That is all.[/quote]

You need a friend, not just someone who hangs out after school, or gos with you to see a movie either. Find someone whos on the exact same level as you…sometimes we’re like puzzle pieces, and no two pieces will fit with anyone other then each other. Thats how it is with me and my friend. I used to think I had the best friend before…but hes shown his true colors. I’ve started hanging out with someone more like me. Everyone talks about how bad he is, how hes a terrible person, that I shouldnt hang out with him…but the only reason they talk **** is because they know his past, but people change…we have almost the same history, its eerie how strikingly similar our lives have been. But I never once believed any of the garbage people said about him, because he was never once anything less then wonderful to me…we just fit.

Happy birthday man! Party hard!

[quote Bella.]Bye the way, no I haven’t seen Fight Club.Is it any good?[/quote]

Very good. Its the kind of movie you need to think about for a while after you see it. I recommend it…highly.

[quote micmacster]my point is it doesn’t matter how long you sit and have your tantrum, in the end you will always move on, so why wait, it doesn’t help to feel sorry for yourself, and face it, the world’s not going to pick you up, so stop waiting for it to, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and just do it.[/quote]

I have no idea if this is the case for Bella, but did you ever stop to think that some people cant just turn good vibes on and off? Not everyone can control their emotions like a pro, just go from sad/pathetic/hopeless to upbeat/happy/ambitious.

Find someone whos honest. Honest doest equal nice, some people like it when others are nice, and some people like it when others are honest. I prefer the latter, it seams you do as well.

Frosty mornings, lonely nights
Please tell me I’ll be alright.

Every time I reach for you
you comfort me…you crush my blues.

But by the time you’ve all but left
You take from me, a bit of breath.

And by the time I’m almost right
I’ll dose again…just one more night.

Sounds to me like you just hate filthy f**king lies.