philosophical's reply history at Help.com

ok, so you think that unless you’re engaged or married then it’s not possible to cheat, or it’s not cheating?

thanks, things just need to be sorted.

If telling her is the best thing to do then i will, i just don’t know what the best thing is right now. I really do know what you’re saying cailean. She doesn’t deserve this, she’s amazing, i just want to deal with this in the best possible way.

The other person wouldn’t say anything i’m sure. My friend said that telling my girlfriend would just be selfish because the only thing it would achieve would be that i would feel less guilty and she’d feel devastated. I feel like a complete w****r for what happened and am not looking for sympathy or anything, i just want to do whats best. I don’t think she’d forgive me, she doesn’t take nonsense. I can’t believe what a bum i’ve been.

ok i’m a bit late here. Right firstly i’m a gay girl and i’ve always thought that i only liked ‘girly girls’. However i met a girl a couple of months back and she was basically a bloke. Dressed the same, aftershave, actions etc. but it turned out i was rather attracted to her. I’m fairly blokey myself and i really think that at the end of the day it depends on the person. I think that lesbians tend to go for the bloke look as a way of identifying eachother. Personally i haven’t a clue who’s gay and who’s straight but if you walk into a bar and see someone with really short hair, not very fem and who acts in a blokey way it’s easier to say ‘ok they really could be gay i’ll now take that person into consideration as a possiblilty tonight. For that reason i think it’s good that Lesbians like myself go for a more masculine look, it makes life a lot easier. Plus however unfeminine a girl may look you can never forget that they are a girl and i generally subconsciously see the girly traits so it’s not an issue.

thanks you guys i’ve managed to overcome it now after 9 long months. I guess really what worked in the end was not seeing the person i was thinking about and giving it time (which isn’t easy). Really time does sort things out.

it’s damien rice

Yeah i’m having that problem also, so i know it’s especially hard when it’s another girl and you’re not sure of their sexuality. Only i told her really indirectly but she knew what i was saying and now she hasn’t contacted me, texted me back, anything since new years eve. So i know what a pain in the bum it is. I’ve been insanely in love with this girl for a few months now and i think it’s the not knowing that hurts the most.
Anyway even though she’s not talking to me i feel better because i have externalised it and that’s the most advice i can give you. If she’s a true friend she’ll stick by you and if she’s not she’ll ignore you. However being tactful about how you put it is important because i’ve been on the recieving end before and found it akward.
So yeah i think you should say how you feel providing it’s the right situation and if it goes balls up then it WILL help you to move on even though it will take time.

haha yes but somehow i don’t think sat navs save you… unless technology really is improving.

what are you planning to do first?…asking coz i could do with the input :)

To an extent but not completely.

What’s the problem?

That’s a admirable resolution. It’s not easy to do that, i know because i haven’t. But yes you only get one life make the most of it. Good luck.

Again only you know your b/f and how he will take it. If you do decide to say something i would of thought say it how it is. But i wouldn’t take my advice at the end of the day it’s your life on the line not mine. But again i would say have a good think about it. You probably won’t even like this other guy soon.

That’s a brilliant idea, i hope you do and it helps. It’s good to have someone else to support you as well.