Rahat Lokum's shout trail with Sully - Help.com

Not a problem.

Ok I see. Thank you for your attention.

Only an admin can delete shouts. Shout and ask yourabi. If you are really nice he will probably do it but it may take a while. He is busy. I left your request in the queue for him. Shouting never hurts tho.
Sully and the Mods

I’m sorry for the trouble then, I didn’t know that though I didn’t mean to remove shouts, just e-mails. It’s for our security, so it’d be nice if it’s still possible.

Actually Shouts are one of th few things we can not delete. I will see if yourabi will do it tho. In the future you can friend one another and in your friends menu you can choose to let that person see your email.
Sully and the Mod Team

I’m sorry but the things you’re saying seem confusing. How can we compare normal situations and abuse; family member or a specialist talking to kids about sex and unknown stranger pointing out to sexual feelings of a kid. It doesn’t give anyone a right to do that just because he had sex. And how his experience can be separated from the question of telling kids about sex, I mean we’re dealing with trauma, situation is different from simple curiosity and approach should be respectively different.
Anyway you didn’t say anything that could insult me but I’ve been thinking about it all the time since that post and this case makes me really sad. I’m powerless to talk about it when we don’t have any common views, I don’t understand why is it so but I can’t hear such thing like Richard’s reply was good. Please don’t take it personally, I have a lot to say about it but I can’t, it’s just too hard.

I apologize for the late reply. I have had a busy week end and bad internet connection.

In your opinion you are saying that talking about sex to “kids” or “under aged” is against your moral rules?

Setting aside my mod status for a moment, I would like to explain my view. It is far more appropriate to discus sex, the nature of sex, the body’s response to sex, and the minds attraction to sex and other physical pleasures to “kids” and “under aged”. To shelter them completely makes them totally vulnerable when they do start to encounter the real world. Do you educate them on drugs? Sex can act as a drug. If someone where to shoot this “kid” up on meth and it made him feel good so he liked it… This is the response with sex from the human body. It is uncontrolled. Would you not tell the kid who was forced to take meth “its not your fault you liked it, thats the body’s response to the drug.” People who where sexually abused as kids often end up with a sex addiction. My six year old niece can explain the body’s reproduction system to you. We have not got into the mental portion yet… She does not understand that people like it for physical reasons. She only understands that it is something mothers and dads do out of love to make kids. But she does know the biological basics about it. And she knows that it can be drug like. Addictive. We answer any question a child asks in our family. We never use the “you are not old enough to understand” response. Doing so, sends them elsewhere for that answer. Then we do not know what they know or think. They also know we will answer. And they may not understand. They will have to look up new words and learn new concepts. The result is we have much more control over how they learn and can keep complete trust with them.

Mod hat back on… The best person to shout in regard to CNET views on this subject is Yourabi. In short, the age limit for this site is 13. Puberty has started. People are giving these kids the “you are not old enough to understand” line. So, they come here. Or they are to embarrassed or scared to ask at home.

In this case you are saying he (the poster) must deal with this all on his own? What help can anyone give then? He is feeling guilty for liking it. Richard is informing him that he does not need to feel that guilt. It is NOT his fault and therefore there is NO reason for guilt to play any part. In order to better explain why that is, Richard expounds upon the body and its reactions to sex. This kid has already HAD sex. There IS no hiding it from him. The only logical course of action is to help him understand it. Never try to shelter an abused individual that is ASKING from the answer they seek. I am sure he has had the sex education class in school by now also. Richards reply was one of the most helpful to that poster on the whole thread. You are giving the same answer and “shelter” responses that drove him to look else where for the info in the first place. If we mod Richards replies, the poster will simply go to another source for the information. You can not stop him from getting it. You can only influence how it is presented.

Sorry for the length. None of this is meant to insult you in any way. I had to show you opposing views that “attack” your view in order to best describe where we are coming from. If you want the exact policy on this type of issue then shout Yourabi. If you are open to further discussion of this difference of opinion, I am more then willing. As a non mod of course. My personal views are not the views of CNET. Hence the reason I took off the Mod Hat earlier.

Sully and the Mod Team

*to avoid misunderstanding - “there’re other similar replies from someone else in another post” - that referred to replies similar to Richard’s, not to mine.

Hi Sully,
Thanks for your attempt to understand a different point of view, but speaking honestly it’s a little frustrating, why nobody seems to see what I see.
To put it simply and shortly, talking to an underage kid about “pleasurable” sexual things and justifying it by the fact that it happened to him, eventhough he was forced, but he even liked it and even said so, is also a molestation. People want to protect kids not only from direct physical contact with abusers, but from even such things like viewing videos or images of such content as well as reading material of such content. It is not allowed to talk about it to a kid.
I think it it harmful in this particular case cause it’s clear that Bailio is very confused, he has to deal with that alone, he never talked with anyone who can actually help and that all is so hard for him. It could be at least respected that under such circumstances he was strong enough to come here and tell about it. I do not think that emphasizing the sexual side of abuse was what he really needed. He cannot be responsible for what happened and he cannot understand full meaning of what happened at his age. I don’t think he meant that he’s embarrassed because he liked it, but if someone tries to interpret it like that, it can misled him. Does anyone have a right to say to a kid such thing as - you feel embarrassed because you don’t understand that it’s normal for body to enjoy such things? How does it look like? Not like help, at least to me.
I have nothing against Richard personally as I mentioned in one of my replies to somebody, and there’re other similar replies from someone else in another post but I think that it should be added to the rules that it’s not allowed to talk about sexual things to underage people. That rule would also have a flaw cause there’s no way to confirm the age, anyone can say any age, but still it’s important to say what is right and what is wrong. There should be some protection against online molestation too. Adults should protect kids, that’s why I’m concerned.
Also another suggestion, like that helpbot tells whom people can contact if they feel suicidal, it would be good if there’s some information on this site where people can turn to in case of some other important problems, for example in this case we’re talking about. If there’s any such kind of good specialist who can tell a person something really helpful. You’re in the US and Bailio too, maybe you can find someone who can help for him. On this site there’re mainly simple people who are not qualified for some specific problem, but the person really is in trouble.

Hello itsmag,
I am another mod here on help.com. I want to ask you: Why do you think that reply is a negative one? I have some personal experience handling some abuse cases. I really would like to know your thinking on the matter.

That aside, 3 mods have all looked into it and none of us see anything harmful in the reply nor does the poster take any offense to it. I want to know your stance on the subject matter and not our decision. You have already made your mind clear on that point. But, we do not know WHY you think it is harmful or bad so have no way of explaining why our view differs from yours.
Sully and the Mod Team