BrighterBlessing's reply history at Help.com

Hi, just wondering how your daughter is doing. I have not been on the site for a while now due to my own health and also due to my battle with this same process. I attended a class on SSDI last weekend at the Wellness Community and was told the biggest factor that probably hurt my case was my age. I had come across a chart some where. It is hard to get if you are under 55 years of age and also understanding english is another factor that works against you.

If your daughter can find a social worker and get that type of advocate it might help. I am doing that now and it is really helping. This experience is too much on top of having health problems.

I don’t know if her condition includes something rare but I also know the SSA-Washington is looking at their list of approved conditions and asked the NORD organization for input to see which rare diseases they should add to the list.

I no longer participate in the coalition I mentioned to you. I changed my user name trying to use more positive energy and the group manager banned me. Brighter Blessing to me just means brighter - better and blessings - something positive you have been waiting for or a benefit. She insisted I was as religious as her and I can’t afford more added to my plate. But I did find what I think is better information in a Yahoo group ” i> small>(email removed) /small> /i>” and maybe that would help you. Best of luck.

I too have lost everything and I can’t believe what this puts us through. I would say if you haven’t already, try contacting nonprofit orgs like the American Heart Association and see if you can find advocacy because this is just to hard to do alone. Frankly when I learned I was “too young” to be deemed disabled….well that made me angry too because illness doesn’t discriminate like this program does.

Is Disability Secrets the website by Brian Therrian? If so, he has pod casts and conference calls with a lot of good information.

Hi Sam,
I haven’t been very well so I have not been on help in a long time. I stopped by briefly today to see what was waiting in shouts or invites and I always try to read your posts because I think you have so much to offer this world and are working on finding yourself. I know it is hard trying to explain how you feel when feelings are not something easy to share. I am the total opposite, I share my feelings with everyone, anyone who will ask and am an emotional and sensitive girl. I can relate to the situation with your Mom. My Dad was an alcoholic and it was hard growing up with that, the things he would say, the times I couldn’t depend on him and feeling that I was the cause (he told me the physical site of me caused him pain when I was about 10). I reached a point where I had to walk away and for about five years rarely saw him, I worked on learning who I was and loving me during that time. It got better when we reconnected but still when he was drinking, his mouth could get out of control. One day, without any thought as he stood in my face with his finger nearly snapping my nose and cursing the worst of words, I felt a surge of electricity run from my heart - down my arm and without thought I slapped his face. That was the last day he ever talked to me like that. Of course I felt horrible. I have never been a violent person but it opened both our eyes. My Dad cut back and eventually stopped drinking. We worked on our relationship and we made peace before he died. I’m still working on me, I think that is a lifetime thing. Right now, looking at mirrors. I looked just like him and both his twin brother and father died before he was a year old so he’d lost his mirrors until I came along. So I am looking at me and my behaviors. How was I his mirror? How was he mine? I am afraid to be like him in certain ways and I hope to be like him in others.

I do think addiction is addiction, no matter what form and until you can walk away from getting high and face your emotional wounds and start healing, you’re going to be struggling with happiness. I also think maybe there are other women who could fill the role of a mother in your life so you have a better example upon which to build your life.

I hope you hang in there. I think you are going to do some incredible things. I think the world (Earth) knows how to heal herself and some experiences that happen around us are meant to provide opportunities for growth and lessons. I remember being young and watching a nature program on TV about the animals in Africa. I thought how beautiful are these lions, watched their family dynamics and then was horrified when another innocent animal breed came along only to be slaughtered by this magnicent creature I had just admired. Nature and man - are mirrors. Some things we’ll never understand, some things we’ll probably never change. But I think you have to look inside first and figure out the puzzle of what makes Sam before you can decide how to make a mark upon the world. I know your artwork is beautiful and you have many things open after college.

As we continue working on ourselves too, I think the relationships in our lives improve. I wish that for you. I can tell you this and maybe this is what you most need to hear because you don’t seem to be hearing it from the person you should be - you don’t have to do anything to be good, you just are good. You are a loving guy, your kind and generous and you care about everyone (except maybe some times you). But you need to know you deserve just as much as everyone else and I really hope you get that chance to make peace with your Mom like I got to do with my Dad. Remember it is the alcohol and probably due to some hard experiences they had before we ever came along. Maybe Sam, you and I are just mirrors for two people who didn’t know how to love themselves and they loved us as best as they could - and now you and I have to look back into those mirrors and figure out who we are and what we want to be. Big hugs Sweetie - hang in there.

I think we try to understand and you don’t always have to talk or share something personal. I felt bad reading your post because I thought to myself maybe Sam just some times needs someone to listen and I do listen but then I have to give my thoughts and maybe next time I read your post, I am not going to do that. I’m just going to write, Dear Sam - I’m listening.

My heart goes out to you. I understand somewhat we are you feeling, I think. I lost someone important to me when I was 23, my granny. I was her primary caretaker from age 4 so losing her created a big void and there was nothing I could do to bring back what I lost, I felt powerless for the first time in life. It made me angry with God. I don’t talk about my faith much because I think it is important that we each respect our different beliefs, rights to choose and to figure out what works best as individuals. I do want to say though the most important place to discover God is within yourself. You might want to look for the positives and focus on those. As we learn to do that, we learn to love ourselves for the love that we represent and that is when people are drawn to us. It is hard to accept that we can’t make someone love us or even when they do maybe they don’t feel we’re their best choice. It is hard to let go. But there is nothing like knowing how to love and feeling loved in return and I have always found that when i let go, love returns in some form. Hang in there. Work on loving you right now and finding what is good in you. I think you’ll be surprised at all the positives you discover.

Hey Bro! Been out of service, just like a piece of technology lately. I think time and space only exist on our plane so there is room for any number of possibilities. I also think maybe some people can go back and make changes in time….only because every time I start to share a memory from my childhood, people give me that ‘look’ and I know it is about perception (mine and theirs).

You’re making me think too hard and I have a headache right now! Talk to you later!

Just in case you return, I haven’t been well enough to participate on the site lately but I stopped by tonight to check things and only have time to read a couple of invites. Your post was one I felt drawn to read and I normally do not like to talk about the things that separate us, like politics, religion…. but when I got very sick and was about to start treatment, I had several people close to me make the comment about why does God do this to us and allow suffering. I won’t get into my beliefs and I certainly do not want to challenge yours. You need validation right now, and support. I can only share what I think on that one statement. I do not believe that God punishes us or rewards us. I believe we were given a few wonderful gifts by our creator (however we define that). The first is life, the second is free will to make the choices that create our path and the third I see are second chances. So when I woke up from my surgery (in ICU on a ventilator, with six IVs, tubes draining a few areas with all sorts of machines beeping around me - my first thought was disappointment for waking up. It hurt physically but I think more the idea that my life would never be the same as it was - that was difficult to comprehend. Some times living is harder than dying, I think. But I think we just go through things so we can learn and if you can figure out what you are supposed to be learning from all this, you’ll understand that second chance is coming your way. You’re learning to be a survivor and that is what you will be teaching your child. I wish I had more time to look up resources to help you but I can say if you look around this site, you’ll find common themes, solutions, friends and links to websites that can offer help and support. I agree that a good place to start if you haven’t already is your county job and family services organization (of course that assumes you are in the U.S.).

Hi Setto, Sorry I haven’t read much on emails myself because I have not been well. I was actually trying to look something up and Google pointed me back to this site and I saw your invite.

I’m sorry to hear you are in pain. I think 17 is a challenging age, a time when we are no longer a child and are becoming an adult. My experience is there are cycles of friendship. I grew up in a community and had the same friends until school was finished and I started working. Then we all went in different directions. But the important thing to say is friends who are meant to be friends to you, they will find a way of coming back into your life. My school had a reunion a few months ago and suddenly I am friends with some that I knew when I was your age. No matter what the relationship, as people leave our life, there is always room for more, new people. I think relationships form for a reason and some times we find their purpose and it is not that the person is not important or valuable anymore, just that you are ready for new things.

I would like to understand graffiti from your side. I know it is art and I am not suggesting you give up what you love (especially if it keeps you from cutting). It sounds though, like you and your Dad are losing something. What I know of graffiit is that it usually involves spray paint on someone’s property. I don’t know if you get permission from people before you do the graffiti but if it is not wanted, then someone probably has to pay to paint over it. I’m sure what happened, was a stressor for both you and your Dad and maybe his behavior is just him being hurt. He might think you choose graffiti over him. I think you are young and overwhelmed with school. Moving out is going to add more responsibility on your shoulders. I worry about you being alone.

I wonder if you are pushing people away before those you have let get close have hurt you. I don’t know but something to think about. Your tutor at school is probably trying to focus art in a specific way but you can still do your art the way you want away from there. Just one more year and lots to learn. Glad to hear you are leaving more technical stuff.

The important thing is to make your own decisions in what is best for you. Keep writing, whether you post what you are feeling or not, because it is therapeutic and eventually you will realize you have the answers you are looking for. xoxo

Hi, I was googling something and had a link here. I’m in the first appeal myself but I found a wonderful resource that I wanted to just tell you about as it has helped me.

There is an MSN Group called “Social Security Disability Coalition”. You could google that name and it will probably be the first link listed. They have lots of sample forms and tons of information. It is also a good place for advice. I used the sample letter and wrote my politicans have they can assign a case worker to you which gives you priority. I don’t know how your daughter is making it. My Mom took me in or I would be on the streets and with my health couldn’t make it there.

Good luck.

I miss him too! I had an email yesterday. I knew he was really busy with school but think he has a break coming up. He is so sweet and talented. Java sounds like a great addition to his skillset. With graphic design, he would do well to learn how to work with such tools and build websites! We can say we knew him even before he became famous huh! You should go to his profile and email him, I’m sure he’d love to hear from you!

Hi Courtney,
You’re in my thoughts. I’ve been on both sides of cancer (diagnosed myself in 2002 and then my Dad two years later), so I know what your family is going through. It is hard to watch what a disease can do to a person who’s been so vital. I truly believe that he knew how you felt. Some people don’t say it, but show it. He obviously took the time to help you find your potential and that was just one example of how he felt about you. You can’t help but love the man who loves your Mom. It sounds like he was a wonderful man and a great example for you and your sister for the type of role model you’ll look for in your own love and I too am happy that he was able to see you fall in love. I’m sure that meant a lot to him. Your tribute here to him was beautiful. I love the idea of putting your letter into his pocket and I know that was a great way to heal for both of you. I’ve said since I had my tumor that cancer really does hurt and I admire that he never complained. What a champion to have survived so much longer than the doctor’s prognosis and those years were such a gift. I did not like the physical part of my illness but I can share that it taught me many things about myself and life. It changed me in many ways and my priorities. He sounds like a wonderful man and it will take time to process your grief. I don’t think there are right or wrong answers, we all handle things differently. Maybe one day you could put together a CD with photos as you mentioned of his creativity and the life you’ve had and memories created as a family, put songs with it that remind you of his strength (remarkable especially knowing he was moved around a lot in his life but what lucky to find a great family to call his own). Cancer can take some things away from us, but not the important stuff like that. Then when enough time has passed, that could be a great tribute to share with your Mother. It could be a special island for her to escape when needed.

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer in October 2004. They said with treatment he had 10 months but he gave up. He took a few months, assessed life and made amends and I was glad he was able to pass in peace with no regrets. He died February 2005 and I wrote a post early in the year about that, his funeral was on my birthday. Time heals many things so just do what you need to. I think the best way to honor his life is to make the most of yours, as that is what he would want for you. Sorry for your loss.

Hey Richard - You’re right, power words! I studied a little of Descartes meditations in college and some of those ideas remain with me. I’ve always read that any statement including “I am” is speaking of yourself at a soul level so we should be careful with what we say. Have a nice day!

Funny. I actually sat through that movie once with friends. Maybe the should suit up the candidates and let them battle it out this way! ;-)

My heart goes out to you. I didn’t read through all the replies here but I agree you must get help. If you are in another country, perhaps you could go to the counselette (I’m not sure that is the right word) but there should be a local government office where you can see help from government officials from Europe who can help you. Maybe see if there is a women’s shelter or abuse hotline. Even a counselor might be able to direct you on how to get through this. I think you should sit down with your family and tell them. They shared their concerns because they love you, not because they didn’t want you to be happy. When we fall in love, we are blinded to many things and we don’t want to listen to what other people see, think or feel. Then if something awakens us, we understand what they were saying so just tell your family, you were blinded to many things by your feelings and now you need support and help. I hope things are okay for you. You need to be safe. I am not sure how you could get your personal things back but if they are things that can be replaced, I would not worry about them.

Wings, Sorry to hear you are feeling so sad. I think those are the times we need our friends and support systems the most. I think life can be hard. I have often seen life as a maze, we have a starting point and we walk this path, forced to make decisions at intervals - do I turn right, left or keep walking forward? Then we doubt our choices and ourselves. I am more of a spiritual person than religious (which I was very much in my youth) but I think things just happen in life and that even the obstacles have something in them for us to learn. I hope you don’t think you are a bad person or that people don’t care as many do. It sounds like many you are a bit overwhelmed and trying to move forward but need to figure out how to heal that broken wing. I believe you have an incredible strength inside you, and if you can connect with that, anything is possible. I live in a place where there are very dramatic changes in the seasons through the year and I have always felt that to be a reminder - in the dead of winter when everything appears to be dorminant, barren and destroyed (such as the leafless trees and brown earth) nature shows us a sense of loss, but this is followed by the spring when things return to beauty, the grass turns green and life is renewed again). Life happens in cycles. I keep you in my prayers and I look forward to the beautiful Spring which you deserve.

I have not had much time to spend online lately but what a fun post to return to!! Here are mine:

1) I studied voice for several years and sing
2) My Father taught me how to play and win carnival games
3) I make jewelry and beaded bags to relieve stress
4) I’ve vacationed with a celebrity
5) My favorite place in the world is Monkey Jungle in Miami

It is hard to listen to that stuff when you’re going through stuff too. I think it makes us feel worse. Maybe you could just tell her right now you are both going through a lot of different things and feeling overwhelmed. Tell her she been a friend for a long time and you value that history but you need some time and maybe you can both work on your stuff and hang out again later.

Of course, some times it is time to let go of a friend and then new ones come in so if you think you’re growing a different rates and at a different level, it just might be time to start pulling yourself away from this friend.