2013-11-28 08:52:49 on i guess no one really wants to talk to a drunk suicide
I’m glad to hear that. :) Are you having a good Thanksgiving?
2013-11-27 19:54:34 on I’ve had this crush on a girl in my school for
How long ago did you talk to her last? If it’s been longer than a couple of weeks, I would suggest just letting her go. There are lots of other fish in the sea.
2013-11-27 16:33:35 on I am at my wits end.
Why do you only qualify for $20.00? Do you own something valuable they expect you to sell?
2013-11-27 14:29:44 on I’m way way way way way way to to to to deep deep deep IN LOVE to turn back now!
Sounds like you’d better. :)
Well, if you don’t want to try it, you can send it to me. ;)
It’s just fine. If the bottle has never been opened, whiskey will keep for many, many years.
2013-11-27 09:25:41 on I’m very conflicted.
STAY IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!
I do not know a single person -not one- that quit school “for a while” and went back in less than ten years.
If you have a dream to go to a certain school, go. But if you have to stay in the school you are in, do that -do whatever you have to do to stay in school until you have your degree in hand.
2013-11-27 09:06:16 on I closed this up…
Then I can explain. How its good half the time. And just listen to what they say. ?
they actually know right?
Well…”half the time” isn’t good enough. And the people who answer the hotlines know it. You need a stable situation ALL the time.
Part of the problem here is: no one in the house is happy. Everybody has their own problems that is crippling them. The blind trying to lead the blind and broken, the broken trying to lead the children, the children trying to stay out of the way of the blind…in the end, no one is going to get anywhere good, and the spiral of abuse, neglect, emotional damage and substance abuse continues. The only way to break the pattern is to bust it completely.
I know you’re afraid of making things worse. I know you’re afraid of what will happen to everyone if you do something to try to fix things. But the adults are going to have to be adults, and face whatever consequences they have coming. There’s nothing you can do about that.
You and Jake need a stable environment to finish school, get some counseling, learn about proper boundaries and start putting this behind you.
Your Mom needs to face whatever legal trouble she is in so she can be free when it’s over. Then, she needs some counseling to learn new ways to cope with her problems, and learn to be a proper parent to you. I think she wants to, she just doesn’t know how. And you can’t teach her.
George needs to go to couple’s therapy with your Mom. He needs to learn how to help her so he’s not just standing around paralyzed and not knowing what to do. If he has a drinking problem too, he needs help with that.
But right now, the absolute most important part of the equation are you and Jake. You have your whole lives ahead of you, and you deserve to be able to start out right from a better place than you are in now.
If your family really loves you, they will see that in time. But right now, they just can’t because they have too many overwhelming issues they are unable to deal with on their own.
2013-11-27 07:44:41 on I closed this up…
I can tell you’re really adamant about trying to keep what little family you have together, and not be the cause of any more pain. I get that. But, from where I sit, the absolute best thing for everyone in the situation is getting you and your brother into a more healthy environment.
Your mother can’t cope with kids. She has health problems, legal troubles, drinking problems, boundary issues, anger issues…she is a whole laundry list,and having kids to take care of too is just too much.
Your stepfather can’t cope with her. I don’t think he has a clue where to start, so he just…never starts at all, or only steps in when it’s obvious to the most oblivious.
You’re blaming yourself for other people’s terrible choices, trying to parent your parents, and trying to cope with crazy. But, other people’s choices and consequences are beyond your control, you’re too young to parent anyone -even yourself- and no one is able to cope with crazy.
I’ll say it again: the absolute best thing for everyone in this situation is to call that hotline.
If your Mom faces her warrants now, she’ll have a fresh chance to take her consequences for whatever she did, serve her time, and walk away free without any more fears -unless she does something else.
With you and your brother out of the situation, she can start working on her problems. She can get professional help for her boundary issues and whatever else is at work in her brain. She can join AA and start getting her drinking under control, she can take parenting classes and learn how to be a real Mom.
Your stepfather can help her, and once she’s starting to mend, the whole family can go for counseling together and learn to treat each other right. Then, and only then, will you all start being able to love each other.
You do love your brother; but you love him as a sister is supposed to. You can’t love him like a Mom because you’re not old enough, and he’s not your son. But if you want to start mending this broken situation, start by taking care of yourself, and Jake. Jake says he’s always on your side, and that’s good. The two of you need to be a team, always, and learn to look after each other.
I have to go now; but I’ll be back later. I’ll try to find some online resources or something to help you learn to cope with your situation the way it is. But, make no mistake: the best thing is for you and Jake to leave.
2013-11-26 23:11:45 on I closed this up…
Okay. I have to go to bed; it’s past midnight here. But I will be here tomorrow, and I’d like very much if you would talk to me for a while, okay?
2013-11-26 22:07:14 on Should I get a divorce?
That is a tough situation. You might be forced to give him an ultimatum: get your act together and start helping to fix this, or get a lawyer. :(
2013-11-26 22:05:41 on Hello help.com, My name is Roxie.
I understand! I’ve been there!
Okay…you’re in third year…can you tutor others for a while? You might be able to make a few extra dollars that way. They’ll have to come to you, since you don’t have a car, but that shouldn’t be a problem?
Can you type up papers and such for other students? I know a guy who did that and made pretty good money -especially over the holidays when everyone just wanted to goof off.
Do you have any other skills you might be able to offer? If so, give it a shot -you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
Finally, don’t discount simply getting welfare. Food stamps, emergency help for bills -whatever is out there. You’re entitled to it, so if you need it, don’t let pride stop you.
Never give up…opportunities and possibilities come along when you’re least expecting them, so just keep your head up and take advantage of everything you can find.
2013-11-26 21:58:06 on I closed this up…
meet them on equal terms?
I mean, meeting them in a time and place where you can all talk like a family, without them being able to shout and scream and hurt you.
Believe me, there’s nothing better in the whole world than being able to sit down at a proper table, and have a real conversation with your Mom. In the situation you’re in, that’s really not possible. Nothing you say or do makes anything better, because everything is screwed up and out of control.
2013-11-26 21:55:28 on I closed this up…
[quote Kyofu~]Not to be mean… But you went threw it to. How can you say its not normal? I knows tons of people that it happens to[/quote]
I thought the same thing, then. I thought every family was a bit crazy. My mother…she was “new” to me, too. I lived with my Dad most of my life, and when my mother came back I was overjoyed. But things went haywire, fast. :(
My father started screaming at us, then abusing us. Mom got depressed and was crying all the time and unable to help anyone at all. We were traveling in a camper, just like you, and sometimes when were way out of town, Dad would go completely nuts and hurt my brother badly. :(
We went into foster care the day after Christmas. I hated it there at first; I really did. But…that’s because I’d never lived “normal” before. I didn’t trust anyone. I didn’t know what was going to happen, or where I was going to be or how I was going to get by.
But…I started school. I made friends, and started getting good grades. I met family members I didn’t know I had! My brothers and sisters went back east to live with an aunt, and I stayed in Arizona ’til I aged out of the system, and then went to college. I admit: it never felt like “home” to me. But…it wasn’t bad. Honestly…a few years after I left, I missed my foster family a lot, and I got in touch with them a few times. They were good people, and they were good to me.
My Mom and Dad never went to jail. No one died or got divorced or changed their religion. The only thing that changed was that our lives all got better.
2013-11-26 21:46:59 on I closed this up…
But I know it will get better if I can fix us.
Sweetie, you can’t fix “us”. You are too young, and the problems are too big.
You don’t have to go back to your sister. There are other safe places you can go.
You don’t have to bring the police to the house. You can take Jake, and walk away tomorrow. Call the hotline when you’re miles away, and refuse to tell them where your Mother is. You don’t have to do anything to hurt her.
But you do need to leave. You’re whole life will get better if you get away from that situation and start living in a more healthy environment. Then, when you are older, you might be able to “fix us”. But only once you’re grown, and are able to meet them on more equal terms.
2013-11-26 21:43:17 on Hello help.com, My name is Roxie.
Talk to the financial office at your school. They very often keep an emergency fund to help students with bills and such, and they may have a job opening on campus where you’ll be able to study while you work.
Talk to the counseling office there, too. They might be able to put you in touch with a grief support group with other young women who have miscarried. It’s an extremely emotional thing, and you don’t want to put off getting help for it. The last thing you want to do is let your grades start falling, too.
Finally…sounds like you need whole new car! Try calling around to places like the Salvation Army, and the various church charities and such. I would think someone, somewhere probably has a car you could borrow for a while, or an older model you can buy on low payments or something. You might also mention it to the school when you talk to them; they may be able to help you.