atrocity's reply history at Help.com

I’m really glad the moderators here are removing spoilers. Yeah, some of us know how it ends, but no sense ruining it for newcomers.

That’s what we were trying to figure out. My guess was the canned goods aisle.

I also know a lot of Christians drink blood, which is cool. You could become a vampire! Not a bad religion if you work nights.

As long as they have the epic fight where Good Hitler and Churchill combine their powers to defeat Stalin, I’ll be happy.

And I’ve got to get into the kitchen so I can eat some pie.

What else could stand to be moderated?

Hey kids, do you know what Sadism and Masochism are? Sit down and let uncle atrocity tell you a story!

I would suggest talking to the Church of Scientology. Their program is very expensive, but from the amount it costs, I gather it is very thorough.

That just seems unsanitary to me, but I guess that’s what religious freedom is about.

I heard some Christians actually *eat* dead zombies!

Hey children, want to know how to drive? It’s easy!

First of all, you need to steal your parents’ keys to the car. Keep an eye on where they put them when they come home. Notice how it’s always the same place and they pretty much ignore you after work? Good! Grab those keys and you’re ready to go!

Look at the keys. Are some really big with plastic bits around the key ring? Those are car keys! Is there a plastic thing with lots of buttons on it? The one that has an open lock or says unlock will also unlock the car! If you can’t find either of these, look for a set of keys that has a picture matching the one on your parents’ car. Got it? Good! Put the keys in the lock and open the door.

Don’t worry about any of those weird buttons and levers around the driver’s seat, just look for a slot on the steering column or near it to put the keys in. Take your time. Sometimes they have to wiggle a bit. Got the keys in the ignition? Good!

Next look for the shifter. It should either be a long lever on the side of the steering wheel with a bend in the metal and a knob at the end, or a stick that protrudes up from between the driver and passenger seats. If it’s the former, you’ll see a series of markings on one of the dials behind the steering wheel like: PRD123. If it’s between the seats, it’ll either have something like 1-2/3-4/5-R printed on it, or the same PRD123 written next to it. Found these? Good!

Okay, if it says PRD123, you have an automatic transmission, but if it says 1-2/3-4/5-R, you have a manual. Stick your little legs waaaayyyyyy down there. Is there a third pedal all the way to the left? If there is, push it all the way down. If not, make sure the levers are on P. All set? Good!

Turn the key in the ignition until the car starts. Now, if you have an automatic transmission, just move that little lever to the D position. You might have to push a button on it first. Then push down the pedal on the far right as farrrrrrrrrrr as it will go! If you’ve got a manual, push the lever all the way to the left, and then as far forward as it will go. Then push the pedal on the far right all the way down (the car will get really loud when you do this, but don’t worry!), and then let the pedal on the far left up as fast as you can!

Congratulations kids, you’re driving!

The Church of England.

Apparently the automoderation has a really weird idea about what is and isn’t appropriate content for children. Hey kids, did you know that if you drink bleach and ammonia at the same time it tastes just like cherries and gives you super powers? It’s true! Try it right away and don’t tell your mom, because you’re adopted and she wants you to be unhappy and short!

The oldest religion in the world is the somewhat obscure but still active cult of the upright taproot (rough translation), which originated in what is now Mongolia. It has only a few adherents today, and almost all of the original scriptures are lost, such that it is currently largely organized around ritualistic shaving and artistic botany.

Flapping meat curtains.

My cockwench does not do webcams.