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chev.jame's Top (5) Replies by other users' votes

• (2 votes) Help me decide- cut my mum n dad out of my life for good?
  

  Freshwater, your father betrayed you and abused you, and your mother was not there to protect you. Your father’s sins are nothing short of heinous, and your mother was complicit due to her own moral cowardice. It is an unfortunate fact that some parents completely and utterly fail their children, and your parents unfortunately fall into that category. Your father went beyond mere neglect and into the realm of child abuse. Because of the way your parents treated you, I am telling you that you owe them nothing . . . not a thing. You could, if you wanted to be particularly generous, offer your father and mother the opportunity to admit their guilt and apologize, and for your father to enter therapy. We both know, of course, that they will not do that. Do not worry about other siblings and in-laws, because they do not want to see the truth. There is nothing to be gained by associating with any of them. Now, there are two things I want you to “internalize,” if you will: (1) the abuse was NOT your fault, and (2) genes are NOT your destiny. So, do not feel sullied in any way by what happened to you. The only persons sullied by these heinous acts were your parents. One last thing . . . think of yourself as the beautiful human being you are, and jettison this human baggage from your life. Seeing them will only bring you painful memories. It’s time to start your life out on a fresh page. All of the ugliness is behind you. Beauty and a rewarding life await you.
  
  - written 2 weeks, 6 days ago – voted for by Anubis, freshwater

• (2 votes) My husband no longer wants to have sex with me, I know he’s not having an affair.
  

  But again: we guys have very fragile egos. If you are overly critical, or make disparaging remarks, or make us feel we can never do anything right, we will withdraw. We will often think that if you are overly critical or bossy, it’s because we don’t satisfy you in the bedroom. Women don’t have to prove their sexuality–we feel like we do. And if something is going wrong in our lives, e.g., job, finances, or anything bearing even the very least on our masculinity, we don’t feel we deserve your love and affection.
  
  Here’s some advice for women: if there is something you don’t like, you don’t have to come on like gangbusters. Come to us in a loving way, and tell us what’s bothering you. Don’t make us guess. We don’t take hints. We don’t take strong hints. We don’t take obvious hints. You have to TELL us! Want us to pick up our clothes? OK, do you have a PLACE for them to go? Get a laundry hamper and say, “Sweetheart, please just put your dirty clothes in the laundry hamper.” Want help with the chores–then divide them up so there’s no guessing games about who is supposed to do what.
  
  Money–90 percent of divorces are over money. That’s right. Too often the guy wants to buy “big toys” all the time, e.g., bass boat, ATV, motorcycle, or the gal is spending like there was no tomorrow on shoes, clothes, and “cute” little things from the stores and home shopping channels. Pretty soon the family is deeply in debt, and there’s not enough money for car and home maintenance or those “emergencies” that always arise.
  
  Hope these help!
  
  - written 3 months, 1 week ago – voted for by nekomiminai, firestorm613

• (2 votes) My fiance left me four days ago.
  

  Why would you want her back? You have experienced a betrayal. But, yes, it is better than having married her and then find out she is sleeping with her former boyfriend. The anger is normal. The simple conclusion is that this was not the woman for you. Her “love” for you is absolutely and totally meaningless in that she could not remain loyal to you. You have, my friend, dodged a bullet. You could have had your life ruined. If you take her back, she will simply finish what she started. She is not a person who honors her word, or who can be trusted. Take her back, and you will truly know what pain is.
  
  - written 4 months, 1 week ago – voted for by clashcity19

• (2 votes) I need help dealing with a break-up.
  

  Des, never say never!!! Your guy is pouting. He’s hurt. He wants to be told that he’s done well by all of you! Yes, he is overextended, but you wanna know why? Because he gets positive feedback from those other activities! We guys, well, we go where we are PETTED and PRAISED!
  
  TELL him: “I’m sorry, I haven’t expressed my appreciation to you as I should have. I think this breakup is stupid because I love you, and I believe that you still love me. I love you, the kids adore you, and you’ve been busting your tail while you’ve gotten all this negative feedback that you didn’t deserve. I really do love you and you really are my hero, and the kids’. I will leave if you want, but we are all going to be devastated because someone we dearly and deeply love will be out of my life–and our lives. I hope that you can forgive, because behind those stupid remarks is a woman who loves you more than life itself, and who wants to spend the rest of her life with you and to be the one you can always trust and rely upon.” You know the drill, kid!
  
  Again, you will be dealing with a bruised ego. Lemme tell you, you start going out that door and his heart is going to break after you tell him how you feel. If he does let you go, you’ll know you did everything humanly possible to save the relationship.
  
  Let us know how it goes! We’ll pray for ya!
  
  - written 4 months, 3 weeks ago – voted for by cattail

• (1 vote) I lost my job due to absenteeism in Mass.
  

  Contact your legal aid society. Ask for a lawyer who may take your case on a contingency fee basis (lawyer wins, he/she gets paid; lawyer loses, he/she doesn’t get paid). Big companies will roll all over you if you don’t fight back. When they get a good idea that you’re not going to lie down and roll over, it’s a completely different ball game. You might tell your former employer that you may just decide to picket their store while your claim is being decided . . .
  
  - written 4 days, 17 hours ago – voted for by 3comet

Last 5 Replies – All 1,692 replies »

• Is this an incest relationship?
  

  Best to leave this alone! As Jeff Foxworthy said, “If you go to family reunions to meet women, then you just might be a redneck!”
  - written 5 hours, 14 minutes ago

• Assistant Manager…
  

  You don’t! You can get the TWO of you fired. And it will introduce stresses into the workplace that nobody needs. Workplace romances are a BAD idea. They don’t work out 95 percent of the time, and then you have to work with somebody that you dumped, or who dumped you.
  - written 5 hours, 29 minutes ago

• She’s dead.
  

  So sorry for your loss. I have had to bury so many dogs and cats, some who lived to be 18 years old. I believe we will all be with each other again, however. How could heaven be heaven without them?
  - written 5 hours, 32 minutes ago

• I am so lonely, I was married to the same man for 20
  

  All right, Anon. First of all, I am sorry that you have undergone this kind of experience. Now, as to what’s happening–what your husband did is classic behavior when another woman is involved. He is undoubtedly with another woman right now. He didn’t tell you anything because there was nothing to say except that he had found another woman. The thing you have to really realize at this point, however, is that it may have absolutely nothing to do with you. It may all be due to HIS mental state, e.g., the so-called “midlife crisis,” or a simple case of lust. You were OWED an explanation after 20 years of marriage. Sooner or later, however, he HAS to contact you. He will either say that he wants a divorce, or that he wants to come back, or that he has absolutely no idea what he wants to do. It is not a “given” that he will never come back. In any event, please do NOT beat up yourself about his leaving. I want you to go to the nearest Episcopal church and see the priest, and ask for financial assistance from the rector’s discretionary fund. You also need to talk to a lawyer–and believe me, Anon, your husband CAN and WILL be found–there are so MANY ways of locating people who do not want to be located! Again, your marriage is not necessarily over. And, please tell us if there are any children born into this marriage?
  - written 5 hours, 39 minutes ago

• i feel so guilty
  

  No, you shouldn’t feel guilty. But here’s some considerations for you: you were intoxicated on the street, and were not physically ready for any kind of confrontation. Secondly, had police arrived, they might have arrested you for public drunkenness. Thirdly, the assailant’s “buddies” could have ganged up on the two of you, or produced a knife or a gun. Overall, however, I’m proud of you. You saw something that needed to be done, and you did it–even though you exposed yourself to possible danger. ‘Twas a shame that the victim fled with the perpetrator, but you see that kind of thing quite often.
  - written 5 hours, 50 minutes ago

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