~*Bleeding_Heart*~'s shout trail with Joey_PR - Help.com

Feel horrible when i see couples or happy people… How can i get so down from seeing that… Its so annoying! Ill have a horrible christmas, a horrible holiday and a horrible new year… Feel like crying so bad :((((

=)

Im good, thanks for asking.

“And when i finally fall asleep i cant wake up lol”

hahahaha
Yea, I know how that feels.

Thanks for shouting!
Take care Kim.

No having a study at home though i have 2 days internship… I sleep horrible and unable to cry… And when i finally fall asleep i cant wake up lol… How are you doing btw? all about me isnt good either ^^… Ill guess ill try get some sleep now *sigh*

~XXX~ Kim

“…so now im alone and completely helpless… Feel so weird”

Think a lil’ bit on what you think is right, try and sort out those emotions.
I know its hard cause Ive been there (foggy mind, crazy thoughts rushing, hard to sleep, etc… I hate it), cry if you have to.

BTW,
Do you plan on going back to school?

I hope you are better.
Thanks for the shout!

=)

I dunno how i feel… theres like a fog in my head atm… he had such strenght over me so now im alone and completely helpless… Feel so weird

“F*cking hate him hes blaming me for all crap… Feel so damn bad!! Really need some help”

Bad from what?
Doesn’t he treat you w/disrespect?

I really do not know what to say about that bc I actually saw the relationship as unhealthy, especially for you, know what I’m saying?

I hope you are doing a bit better Kim.

Its over between me and my bf… F*cking hate him hes blaming me for all crap… Feel so damn bad!! Really need some help :((

Im so sry for not sending any msg sooo long…

Dont worry about it, your good.

“Got stitches 2 times and my parents are going nuts…But im ok now… “

=o
Really??
Thats the cutting?
How many?
Damn heart, thats gotta hurt.

“U r actually the only 1 in my life who showes any care (beside family)…”

Thanks…
Now look, I see you as a human being that suffers, hurts and has feelings like I do. We are all humans Heart.
I do what I can from here. Im trying to make you see that there is more to you than what you see….you can do better, I know that some people in this life probably can’t, but I dont think you are one of them….You are hella’ young and can do it.

Whatever happened w/school?

Can you tell me why you do what you do?

what things go thru your mind Heart?

Do you feel stressed out?

“Even my bf doesnt… We kinda broke up… Not really said its over or anything but i dont talk to him on msn i just send him a sms sometimes… I have hurt him so bad i dont think he even wants me back… I didnt contact him for 2 weeks and at that time he felt like killing himself… He told me ‘Im dead to u’ and ‘im only alive for my parents and sisters’… It hurts me so much… Need a shoulder to cry on… but there is noone for me… absolutely noone…”

Kim….I log on to Help way more than I do w/an e-mail. I dont want you to thiink that “me not responding to your emails via email” is a “Joey doesnt care” thing.
Now….as for your bf, I know you remember what I previously told you about him, do not settle for someone who you know hurts you. IMO, I think you are better off w/out him, and focusing on “what you want to be when you grow up” thing…
Let me tell you a lil bit about me…Ive felt alone a great part of my damn life, I have suffered a lot and been rejected many times, I have had to walk out of relationships that I later found were just unhelathy to me….I have cried all alone in my room, felt like I was dying at times bc of it, grieved for 7-9 months in my last case, but one thing I can tell you from experience is that if you know that what you are doing is the right thing, you will be OK.
I do still feel like crap, walk around internally depressed and feeling alone sometimes, but I prefer to be like this than to be pushed down even more by knowing Im w/someone who constantly hurts me and I feel does not respect me as I should be respected….you know?

What do you think would be the right thing to do in your situation?

Let me know.
And let me know how u are doing.
Thank you for replying and letting me know you are still there. I appreciate your shouts.

“Anyway thx… Hope u are ok… “

Im Ok, thanks for asking, and you are welcome BTW.
=D

Keep in touch!

Hey! Im so sry for not sending any msg sooo long… Had a really f*cked up period… Got stitches 2 times and my parents are going nuts…But im ok now… Just feel like i can fall apart and go into that deep black pit again… Im scared… Im really glad u r there for me… U r actually the only 1 in my life who showes any care (beside family)… Even my bf doesnt… We kinda broke up… Not really said its over or anything but i dont talk to him on msn i just send him a sms sometimes… I have hurt him so bad i dont think he even wants me back… I didnt contact him for 2 weeks and at that time he felt like killing himself… He told me ‘Im dead to u’ and ‘im only alive for my parents and sisters’… It hurts me so much… Need a shoulder to cry on… but there is noone for me… absolutely noone… Can u mail me so we can keep better contact? If u want ill give my email to u… I really need someone :(… Anyway thx… Hope u are ok… I think im going to collapse again… dunoo what i can do anymore… think of giving up alot these days… Just need a good friend maybe that helps me…
Kim

What?!

I go for like 4 days and this is what I get?
Why the cutting Heart_?

Im guessing that what the psyc says is not new to you. It doesnt seem new to me, I knew for sure that you were giving signs of depression and had low self esteem which brings up that “bad self image” . I have that myself, but I dont think trhat I have it at your same level. I do know how it feels though, I can relate.
Im trying to stay OK. I took some time off help, idk where Im headed.
Im planning to do some sort of self studying too (computer stuff, networking) to see if I can later take on some tests for certifications. I need a better paying job.
I can barely pay my apt, cel and groceries. I dont even go out, nor drink, nor smoke. Issues are getting tighter.

Hope you better.
Dont cut. It hurts more.
Talk to me.
Damn,
I cant believe I actually feel sad to hear you are cutting….really.

atm im cutting… feel so bad…Im going to quit school and study at home… my psychiatrist says i have borderline depression and bad selfimage… Anyway ill continue my cutting… How r u doing lately?

Wow, flu? that sucks.

I can relate to what you say, I feel like crap myself, I feel deeper in my depression and pretty pathetic, pushing myself away.

I understand your words, difference between me and you is that you are like 11 years younger than me which gives you some sort of advantage,
I…on the other hand….find it very odd to feel that my life is over, maybe its the excessive emptyness, loneliness, idk. One thing I do know its lack of happiness.

Im still alive though, might as well keep breathing.
Maybe God will change my life in a blink of an eye.

Take care,
I hope you get better.

sry for no reaction so long…Just didnt feel like anything… At wintertime im always more down and also got the flu…AGAIN… more then 3 times in a row… Feeling like shit… Ill probably get kicked out of school tuesday… I see my future dark… Getting desperate… But i just CANT do anything… Hope u r doing good

Good to hear you fight the cut, whats the longest you have been without hurting yourself that way?

Im down Heart lol
Ahh it sucks, Ive been feeling intensely depressed these past couple of weeks and I dont know. Im Ok though, its just that I find myself more and more wanting to be like left alone, sad, hopeless at times, something like that.
I dont argue, scream nor fight w/ anyone I come across but I feel like I have less patience too (I dont know if you get it).

Hope you feeling better. Thanks for asking and for the shout.

How are you now?

I cut myself…though i didnt for 3 days now (yay)… Actually today i have a pretty goog day.. Though i still feel like cutting my wrists… I feel like that daily but 3 days i ignored wooooo ^^… Hope i can today also…Anyway how r u doing?

Why is your arm cut, Heart?
What are the doctors saying?
What is going thru your mind Miss Nice?

Let me know.

My arm hurt cause its totally cut… Not going to school cause i feel so bad and probably will be kicked what makes me feel even worse

Im pretty good, thanks for asking. Today (sunday) I decided to clean around the house and do some laundry, took me all day ’til now. I just ate, showered, changed my sheets and am ready to watch a movie in my living room. Deep down Im as usual as I have almost always been, y’know the classic sad, feeling lonely sometimes stuff, but Im OK.

How is school with you? Good grades comming?
Why does your arm hurt?

Always nice to hear from you Miss Heart.
Hope you feel a little better by the time you read this.
Take care.

I dunno… Feel like this daily… Now again… My arm is totally messed up atm… How r u?

You OK now?
Why were you so upset?

OMG i feel so bad… I want to cut my arm and bleed to death… I just dont know anymore!!!

Whoa. Its probably nothing but its good you get that checked out.
I’ll see what I do in terms of me. Today I don’t feel real down. Im OK.

How are the classes going?
Hope you Ok by the time you read this.
Keep taking care of yourself!

A physc. will help u so go there… I see a doc about daily lol… Anyway going tomorrow cause i feel a lumb in my breast (OMG im so scared)… Still going worse or so it feels

Nice to hear from you! Its been awhile huh?
I feel down all day too. I know I have some stuff I must deal with emotionally, I just haven’t taken the time to just make an appointment with a psyc.
I know its hard.
So it’s a long distance relationship what you have with him?
Weren’t you going to the doc Mrs. Heart?

BTW, how is school?

Take care, hope to hear from you.

My birthday was ok…Just my aunt and uncle visiting… Further i feel like im getting worse daily… Feeling so down all day… just dunno what to do… I feel hope when i talk to my bf but also sad cause he’s not with me (difficult story) and no he’s not in jail or any trouble…He just lives faaaaaar away… Well i guess i go sleep… its all i do lately and go to school unless its really too bad… well see u later i guess

QUOTE:
“‘he’ is my guy…”

No comment.

Good thing you felt better kim, take care and I hope you have a great day on your birthday.

‘he’ is my guy… im going to sleep watched a movie and feel better now… Ill see if i can come tomorrow since its my birthday ^^
-xxx- Kim

who says?
who is “he”?

she is a drinker and i worry about her alot…then he says u dont care about her…let her rest in peace… I hate him for saying that

Keep on studying, get a part time job, try and distract your mind away from the things that make you sad. Have you had a good nice calm chat with your mom and maybe ask her whats wrong with her?…if she’s depressed? sad? why?…

no i hardly yell…

when your mom tells you something, do you yell back?

eehm im in college now an ill graduate in 3 years

When do you graduate?

I’m staying shut about your ‘bf”.
Your mom apparently has some crap to deal with.

I feel really bad right now… My mom drink alot and my bf said i dont care about it and her and that i shud let her die in peace… i hate him i hate me i hate my fucking life! Plz help

Cool, new school, that’s one clear change. Kim, try and not give in to those urges that pop in your mind….they are not good thoughts (I know you know). Don’t act on them.
I sometimes think a lot of negative stuff, thoughts that just appear from nowhere inside my head (like: “what if I was dead”, “what if God took me on my sleep”, “I don’t want to be here”, and a lot of other “Im not valuable” type thoghts…)but I try and ignore them ’cause I know they are not healthy, something good has to happen! I even lose sleep sometimes because of most. I hate it.
Since you were out, a couple of interesting posts were on, you know…the usual… but nothing to worry about, you haven’t missed much.
Be safe, keep in touch. I’m glad to hear from you.

My eye is ok now…Now my hand is bothering me…Prob some nerves the doc said… I’ve been pretty bad thats y i didnt came… Didnt even want to get on the comp anymore… But now with a new school i feel like i have new chances… A new start… Still hard if ur mind tells u to cut your wrists… I feel it everyday and very strong but cant help it..yet… Good to hear u r ok… Anything fun happened when i was gone? And thx hope 18 will also solve SOME probs ^^
-xxx- Kim

Wow…I was noticing every once and awhile the time you have been without login on…and if I can recall it was for almost a month.
You don’t have to be sorry for not being on Miss Heart, good thing you went for help. I really hope you feel better by the time you read this.
So monday you are 18…right? Happy Birthday! This will be your year!
Im good, had a couple of depressive episodes like 2 weeks ago but nothing major, Im good. Feeling a little alone sometimes and y’know, with the usual emotional crap I deal with. But I’m OK.
Did your eye heal OK?
Thanks for asking and shouting back, I appreciate it. Take care.

Hey sry i havent been on so long.. Had alot probs but went for help… Im still in the intake stadium though… Feel bad daily now… Monday is my birthday so hope ill feel good then… How are u now? Hope ur good

Quote:
“Hey how r u today? Hope better then me… Feel like killing myself once again “

Im good, at least trying to look at life in a better way everytime I wake up. Not that easy, I actually preffer stay in bed sometimes and not have to get up but I know it wont happen unless I get sick or something which would be crappy.
Part of me is grateful for having the ability to breathe but my days are so the same that it sucks bad sometimes.

I hope you didnt hurt yourself Black_. You are very young and have a whole life ahead of you. I read your last post and to me that bf of yours is not for you, but thats just my opinion.

Let me know how you’ve been and thanks for shouting.

Hey how r u today? Hope better then me… Feel like killing myself once again

Ok im going to sleep…its paracetamol with codein so strong yes lol

Those are some powerful pills. Good thing you know wat you are doing.

Im gonna go for now black.
Ill be back later.

Hope you get better and stay in touch.

i took 1 a few hour back…but they r so strong i can only take 3 a day every 6 hours

no painkiller pills?

I am but my headache keeps me awake lol… Can hardly sit up normal though ^^

Yeah… you just gotta watch out and not turn your relationship into a disrespectful cycle.

Dont ever let nobody push you around.
There are nice ways to mean good, theres no excuse for disrespect.
But who am I to tell you this, eh?

Arent you sleepy yet?

He is cause he is worried about it…and so am i… I know he is a fukcing asshole…but he means good… I left him once…after 3 days he came back to me and said he made the biggest mistake of his life… And i love him so much

Why?…he pressuring you and crap?

i can work on it and im trying…just feel down for no reason and then i dont care about anything anymore… I get into fights about my weight with my bf and its just horrible