dancefloordestroyer's shout trail with miskat - Help.com

hey. glad you are doing good.

i am ok, rough week, but positive outcome, most of it at least

will you do me the favour that when things go wrong you tell me, but also keep me updated when things go right?

i like to hear that you are still there (as i plan that you are here for at least a year of 70 or something…)

Really good (apart from a cold at the moment). I’ve had such an awesome weekend, I’m exhausted but still on a slight high from the fun of it. Haven’t had the time to think ‘bad thoughts’ which is great. How are you?

how are things with you now?

let me know if you’re ok in a bit =)

Ok, I’ll have another go at trying to tell him.

grmbl.

well, than back to your brother.

you said before that you wanted to show him your plan. he loves you, you know that.

and i am pretty sure he rather has you to come too him than OD yourself.

11.45, Sunday night. They wouldn’t be allowed over because of parents and/or restricted licenses. Perils of youth, and not living particularly close to any friends.

what time is it?

I don’t think any of my friends would be allowed to come over at this time though.

50%.

now bring in 50% of human too.

Does my dog count as not being alone?

call a friend. ask for someone to come over.

don’t be alone now.

My brother and I don’t really talk anyway, so I wouldn’t know what to say to him. We never have serious conversations if we have any conversation at all.

My mum’s gone to work, and my dad’s asleep.
I’d like to climb out my window and just run, maybe to a friends house, or just keep running until I get tired, but it’s raining and freezing outside.

go back. tell him that you NEED to talk.

or go to your parents.

you really need to take care of yourself.

your feelings are not wrong, but don’t change them to action.

you need a hug and i wish i could give it to you. but go get one from someone close now. please do.

I’m not even sure. I just suddenly feel really hopeless and overwhelmed with sadness. My eyes are actually really sore from crying so much, but I have no idea what I’m crying about.

…

I just left my room with the prozac in my pocket, thinking I’d just go and lay it out infront of my brother and blurt out that I want to overdose on these, but he told me to go away pretty much as soon as I walked into his room =P

uhm. NO!

what’s the matter?

I haven’t cut. Don’t think I will. But for like the last two hours I’ve been in a dark place…thinking a lot about overdosing on prozac =(

oh yeah. other side of the globe. =)

just a lot of stuff going on suddenly. nothing really horrible or so, just everything got a bit messed up. nevermind.

you didn’t answer my other question, i’m still a bit worried about you. want to make sure you are doing ok or at least are working on it…

Nope, it’s winter here…

How come last night was intense?

I am good. Just a bit tired, intense night last night.

So, summertime for you =)

How about the cutting? Managed not to do it anymore?

I’m free! (as in from Uni). It feels pretty weird not having any work to do. I’ve made lots of plans for the holidays though, to keep me busy and happy. As for telling my parents, well I haven’t told them…but I’m thinking that the holidays will give me a chance to de-stress and maybe I won’t get down as much, if I’m not any better by the end of it I’ll let them know. How are you?

update please =)

Yup, will do =)

I am good, bit ill, but I’ll survive.
Thanks for asking.

Go get some sleep and give me an update tomorrow. =)

Yes, I am…
How are you?

Ok, that sounds good.

Are you safe tonight?

I think I’ll give it a go in the morning (12.42am here), when my brains not as tired and my wrist is a little less sore- hopefully =P

How about you start writing that letter.

Will give you some thought about it as well.

Hmm, yeah a letter could work.

I think they’ll be more disappointed when you didn’t ask for help.

Really.

How about writing them a letter?
Maybe that is a way for you to tell it?

In moments like this, when I’m thinking a little clearer, I think about telling my parents, which I probably should have done when I started feeling depressed again.

But I don’t know what to say to them, and am afraid that they’ll just be incredibly disappointed.

*varies

I don’t know, various from one institute to another, from one country to another, how the define age groups.

Is it an idea to cut (no pun intended) the problem in several pieces, so you have a bit of an overview and take that to your doctor. See what he/she can say about it? What you local options are.

The dr I saw just gave me prozac…which I often think about ODing on, but I’ve read about it and it sounds extremely painful.

How do I go about seeing a therapist? Last time I was in therapy it was like specifically a place for kids and adolescents, I’m 18 now so I don’t think I can go there…

well, I think a therapist to start with.

Depending on how severe your cuts are, also a doctor.

What do you mean by professional? Like a dr, or therapist?

Do I scare you when I say I think it is time for you to go see a professional?

Yeah it’s ok, I’m right handed but I have a tattoo on my left wrist- so I don’t cut there (can’t remember if I’ve told you that). I doubt my left hand is actually strong enough to make cuts deep enough to do much damage.

how about your wrist now. is that ok at this moment? tell me that first.

*wonder

I was in a very different frame of mind so I can’t completely comprehend why I did it myself. When I got home from work I was just incredibly bored and studying for philosophy didn’t help because it’s all about like questioning existence and all that stuff which made me wander ‘what’s the point in all this?’- as in life. Later on I read an email from my friend asking me to ‘hold on’ until the holidays (which is a nicer way of saying please don’t kill yourself before then), which got me depressed, although it was probably supposed to show me that he cares. Also on Monday he said to me ‘you owe me’ which in his email he explained further: because he went through all the trouble to come see me and rode his motorbike in the rain- which for some reason made me angry and so I text him saying ‘the only reason you came over on Monday was to sell drugs and the only reason you came over on Friday was to get drugs, you just try to pass it all off as caring’ and so I was just really angry and upset the rest of the night (at kind of nothing I guess) and took it out on myself…

ok, i am not pissed or something. not at all,

tell me what happened. tell me the story behind it.

Cut my wrist last night =(

what happened?

glad you are telling me btw.

=( Relapse…

that’s what i really like about here.

you can easily travel through 3 or 4 countries in one day. that is really weird and really cool.

Lol I guess so…

so, than you mean European as a whole again? :P

The part where lots of different countries are so close together…

Perhaps in a few years.

The biz just needs a lot of time, but I love it.

Europe is not exactly one country. There are like 47 or smt. So, which part is exaclty awesome?