Chaneda's profile at Help.com

User Involvement

Last 2 Posts Authored

• Why should I lose weight? posted (3 months, 1 week) ago
  I am fat, I know I am. I have been overweight since I was a young child and have never been able …

• Insomnia, depression, and loneliness…a dreadful concoction of misery if there ever was such a thing. posted (3 months, 4 weeks) ago
  For years now, (granted, I’m only 20), I’ve been fighting depression with my psychologi…

• All Claimed Posts »

Last 4 Replies – All 4 replies »

• Why should I lose weight?
  

  Should I lose weight due to social norms though? I mean, do I have to lose weight to get people to like me or to even get girls to notice me? Does being overweight mean being lonely?
  - written 3 months, 1 week ago

• About a guy who’s sending mixed messages:
  

  Dearie, I still think about ex girlfriends who have hurt me in ways one should never experience and those relationships ended years ago. True embedded feelings never go away. The best you can do is learn from it so that you can focus all of the knowledge and emotion from these experiences unto improving yourself and perhaps even on your future boyfriend if that should be blessed enough to happen soonish.
  - Chaneda
  P.S. You are welcome for the lengthy response…I enjoyed typing it up. :)
  - written 3 months, 4 weeks ago

• About a guy who’s sending mixed messages:
  

  Hi, I will try to answer your questions as well as I can…perhaps a male insight from a psychology student might help. (Again these are my suggested answers and nothing more.)
  
  a) What changed between us, and WHY is he acting this way?
  
  According to what you have said you two spent some time together that was nice and apparently pleasant for the both of you. However, for any relationship to truly work there needs to be an element of physical connection; a relationship built solely on emotions without the chance to see and feel each other’s warmth for an extended period of time, especially early in the relationship, can cause the relationship to essentially grow weeds. What changed between you two is time: you two were physically separated from each other for enough time to pass for both of you to change in several subtle ways…they are less noticeable when we see the changes daily and is why we rarely notice how we change unless there is a drastic change; however, if you two do not see each other for a long time then the changes accumulate to be quite drastic by comparison upon you two meeting. His change in behavior may very well be a product of him and yourself developing over time. There is also the possibility he did want to “go all the way” and have intercourse with you. If that is true and is the main reason he is cold to you then he is not worth your love and attention Dear.
  
  b) How do I ask him how he feels and get a REAL answer?
  
  Be blunt. Ask him, “Do you feel anything awkward between us?” If he says he does not then say you do feel it. If he acknowledges the awkwardness then ask him why he thinks there is this strange vibe between you two that did not exist earlier in the relationship. Men are very bad at reading minds, especially those of girls; tell him directly what you feel and ask him as directly as possible what he feels and if this is about something that has nothing to do with you or if he is interested in dating someone else, etcetera.
  
  c) Why is he offering to hang out with me if he doesn’t care?
  
  There are two scenarios I can envision here. The first is that he wants to be nice to you and let you go softly. Perhaps he has moved on. The second possibility is that he DOES care and does want to hang out with you but is finding your doubt and depressive stance to be an indication that his attempts are not good enough to please you. However, this second possibility is a cause and reaction case that would require input from him to uphold. The first scenario is more likely.
  
  d) Finally, how do I get over him, since he’s clearly over me?
  
  You are not sure if he is over you. Ask him. If he is not over you then perhaps this can still work, granted that you two talk things out and try to smooth out the wrinkles that have developed over time. However, if he says he IS over you and had moved on then you need to hang out with your other friends or try to get to know and flirt with other people. The idea is not to replace him as one should never strive to erase a relationship from their being since they only can add to learning about what we want and about ourselves…we are better thanks to how we evolve and from who we allow to touch our hearts. It is difficult to speak of this since I do not follow this advice very well, being incredibly lonely myself 24/7.
  
  I wish you much luck and hope all comes out well for you Dearie. :)
  - written 3 months, 4 weeks ago

• Well my friend has a gf and I’m delighted for them and all
  

  It appears to me that what Daria is doing is she is trying to “buy” Bella’s friendship through gifts; this is akin to what many men do to women, usually called “spoiling” and usually results in a hallow relationship built more on physical
  objects than emotions and trust. The way I see it you have three options:
  
  1) You ask Bella to tell Daria that buying her stuff is not helping in their relationship and can actually harm it;
  
  2) You tell Daria that spending money on someone in this manner is never a good thing to do because the recipient may become so used to obtaining physical goods that whatever emotions she shows the giver become cold and hidden after the gift giving stops; this is known as loving someone for their money and not their person and is definitely not healthy by any means;
  
  3) You let Daria waste her money and come to terms that she made a mistake once she sees what it had cost her. Personally I think this is a TERRIBLE option. This is the “learning the hard way” route and should not really be pursued in this case.
  
  Whatever you do make sure Daria knows that her money and goods means nothing to you and that she is your friend for who she is as a person, through and through. Sometimes they just need love, and he best price to pay for it is Zero Dollars and Zero cents. :)
  - written 3 months, 4 weeks ago

Chaneda's conversations are tagged:

friends, night, sadness, care, school, co-worker, Feel, house, Gone, feelings, Day, confused, Love, Summer, Weight, Thought, Money, lose, Daria, college, Message, Name, life, guy, Bella