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• One of the people I care most about in the world hates and is afraid of me and I have no Idea why. posted (5 months, 2 weeks) ago
  This person persisted to ruin my life when I tried to concile with them. Everyone else I care about …

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• One of the people I care most about in the world hates and is afraid of me and I have no Idea why.
  

  I will try to post all that someday. I do not feel I can at the moment. If nothing else, it will be very interesting to read. You’ll get to hear about the phenomena I’ve experienced that my therapists were unaware existed. I guess I have an interesting mind. Anyway, I just don’t know how I’m going to live with this knowledge for the next two years, provided I’m not sick enough to die that soon. The only answer I’ve got for myself is “very painfully”.
  
  I only hope she or her mother realizes just how much this has affected and changes their minds about talking to me in the near future. I wasn’t the only one affected by this. They’ve condemned my friends to homelessness, nearly shut down a government television station, and started a bit of a civil war in our cities courts. I’m lucky that my other coworkers cared for me as much as I did for them. I did not know that until they brought me into their home to try and get what little of a life I had back together. Anyway, One day when I can stomach it I will tell my whole story. That’s going to be pretty much my entire life story so be warned that it will be a long read.
  - written 5 months, 2 weeks ago

• One of the people I care most about in the world hates and is afraid of me and I have no Idea why.
  

  Sadly that is pretty much how I act. Although I say I hate the world, I still embrace everything in it with open arms. I was told by her that she hates and is scared of me, without knowing the reasons.
  
  I can’t even legally say hello to her anymore. I wish I could. I was always courteous and kind. I am unable to understand what has happened. I’m aware I cannot undo what has happened. I’ve done everything I can to remedy it though, unsuccessfully. It’s never enough. It seems everyone I need to understand is simply unwilling. I may be at odds with the world and the way other people live, but I do not scorn or judge. It is simply the way things are.
  
  What troubles me most is. Is that, when I say hello and how are you with a smile, it makes people run from me. I just wish I could understand why that is. Everyone I care about (well, those I care about most rather…) will not speak to me although all I have ever done is show concern and friendship. If being a kind and gentle soul toward the world was enough, then I wouldn’t be where I am now. People are complex, and I do not know how I am to deal with them during such difficult times.
  
  Although it may not seem as such, because I have been depicting my despair. I have been looking to the future optimistically. I have for a long time, I want to believe in the best of everything, I treat people the best I can. This hasn’t helped me any though, these things continue to happen, and I’ve finally lost all coping resources. I feel as if this has all happened because I cared, because I trusted, because I will be naive regardless that I know better, because I won’t do anything to hurt anyone. Perhaps it is too odd for someone to behave this way, maybe it makes me look crazy, or it is difficult to believe what I say to be the honest truth. I try to believe in the best of everything and everybody. It is not unlike the approach to life of a monk. It seems throughout time though that circumstance is always willing to fall in my disfavor. It is disheartening.
  
  What’s done is done. However I am frustrated that I can no longer attempt to do anything about it, or at least, not legally. Having people you care about despise you utterly hurts more than I can cope with, but I’ve no choice but to live with this knowledge. I just wish I could do something about it. My entire life I’ve been forced into depressing situations where I was helpless. For the first time It seemed I had a shot at fixing the problem, but it only made it worse.
  
  I find some solace in the fact that since she believes that this is best and that in effect she “won” and won’t have to deal with me, since I am apparently such a bother. At least she feels safe… It’s just so painful to acknowledge and hold that it’s even a possibility that she could be afraid of me. Especially after how long we’ve known each other.
  
  Anyway I do not know what there is to change. I live in the most positive way I can Imagine. I cannot be what I am not. Generally people I know seem to think I am a good person. I wonder what it is that is different about the people I care about or the way I treat them?
  
  ……
  
  Perhaps it would be best for me to share the entire story. It my help for people to really understand my position. Alas that would be much work for me, it is quite long and amazing. I can at least say that I’ve had an (albeit depressing) interesting life with no shortage of experiences that people could not begin to imagine. Hmm…
  Perhaps that is it actually. I wonder if sharing my past and the phenomena that has occurred is what ruins my relationship with people I care about. Maybe I do not wait long enough before telling them of it all?
  
  Oh well, this is all just meaningless speculation now.
  
  I continue to do my most to live well, but I will be in extreme pain for quite some time. Thankfully I’ve got a lifetimes experience behind that.
  
  To clarify…
  
  I didn’t quite word that clearly “to integrate into such a world”
  
  What I really meant by that was is that I cannot live like most. You’re right that it’s not like I have a choice but to be here. As to why I can’t be as others…well, I’d rather not risk spoiling anyone else’s life with my reasoning. I fear if I were to explain some might come to agree with me. I feel it best to be left in the dark on that matter. I could only wish I’m ignorant of the things I’ve seen. Living life on the outside of our world gives you some horrific insights into humanity. Regardless of that there is wonderful potential in people.
  
  I guess you could say I love humanity as much as I hate it. I like the way I live, but the natural order of things seems to conflict with me constantly. Then again, I suppose it is merely a possibility that I just happen to have the worst luck in the world(that is in regard to matters important to me anyway, I still have a roof and food and such, at least for now).
  - written 5 months, 2 weeks ago

• Heya i need some help i’m currently running for
  

  Have you confronted any of your friends about this? To be honest I am not sure if that is a great idea, so I wouldn’t blame you for not have. But I think personally at least, I would bring it up casually during an unstressed time. Although it may be unfair it might be that they feel this other person (even if they don’t like them) is more suitable to the position.
  
  I think it might be best to just talk to your best mate. Try and get some suggestions. Maybe she has ulterior motives for supporting the other person that doesn’t have something to do directly with her.
  - written 5 months, 2 weeks ago

• hey does anyone know how to make animated gifs for youtube profile pics?
  

  Give me a list of any editing programs you have and I’ll see what I can do to walk you through it, or at least link you to a tutorial. considering how tired I am :)
  
  Gimp is an excellent program however I don’t remember it having the capability of saving .gifs with multiple animated frames. I could be wrong but I’ve yet to do the research necessary. If such an option exists what you’ll *probably* have to do is set up the slides you want as different sequential layers and when you go to save as a .gif there should be an option that says something like “Save as (web) animation” “Animate Layers” or something to that effect. Look around under your saving options. Again I have not used Gimp in a long time but seeing how similar it is to photoshop that was how old editions of PS did it. Anyway there are much better programs for creating .gifs
  
  What version of Gimp do you have if no other programs are capable. I will get back to you with a definite solution or tutorial If after I’ve researched your problem.
  - written 5 months, 2 weeks ago

• How I can remove the account on kinsaki ?
  

  I am unsure of what Kinsaki is. But I imagine since you have an account I am certain you could contact some kind of staff to assist you. Actually, I just did my research and I see that is a forum community. I can only imagine that you most contact a moderator or administrator if there is no easy way to find a way to end your account. I hope this helps.
  - written 5 months, 2 weeks ago

Dran's conversations are tagged:

friends, Want One, Human, Remove, Account, nature, school, suicide, house, state, Head, All That, girl, Watch, running, Mind, Person, Emotion, Year, Dream, Prefect, YouTube, upset, adobe photoshop, leadership