Tzubake's shout trail with *Kayla* - Help.com

there was supposed to be a heart after that :( god damn…. hmm, does I miss you work?

no really…. get a new picture

seriously.. get a new picture :)

ok bye

Hey Kayla, just wanted to say hi.
I hope you’re doing all right.

Oh Kayla don’t even worry about it. I’m really sorry to hear that you haven’t had the best weekend though. I know how you don’t really like the rain as it is and I hope that didn’t make things worse. I really hope you feel better, and if you ever need someone to talk to or at you know I’m always here, it’s the least I can do for everything you’ve done for me lately at least. I know probably whatever it is, it’s pretty heavy, but try not to let it get to you. Try not to think so hard, I’ve learned over the past few months it’s not the greatest thing to do :\ Take some time for yourself again like you did the other night and just chill out. I hope you feel better, take care.

sorry i didnt reply sooner, it hasnt been the best weekend ever. idk…I’ve just done a lot of thinking. Anyway, I may not be on for a while, but I’ll try to keep you updated on things. explain later…
hope your weekend went ok..it basically rained the entire time here, so it sucked. talk to you later hun

Haha yeah sorry I couldn’t resist, it was just too perfect the way you worded that lol. Ooh I see, that’s right I remember you putting up a picture for your avatar of your stomach a while ago with that star. I always was curious about getting a tattoo, but I’m not so sure. My family would probably freak out haha. Yeah I bet that guy was worried you were going to spazz lol.

Okay well, maybe you should keep the driving to someone else instead so the dear won’t come to you! Unless it doesn’t mater lol. Yeah I’m used to driving small cars too, I can do big SUVs but I prefer being closer to the ground because I feel like I have more control, isn’t that the opposite of how it should be? I’ve always loved animals too, at one point my step mom was pressuring me to become a vet but I don’t know how well I’d be able to do that, I think it’d be a little disheartening after a while.

Oh really? Tricks huh.. I guess I’m just going to have to come up with something else then. I’m definitely going to win though you just don’t know yet.

Oh man you snowboard? Dude this winter we definitely have to get together sometime maybe at Mountain Creek to go riding/skiing because I ski. I’ve been skiing since I was really little and I love being on the slopes. I always wanted to learn how to snowboard, and I tried once but I spent more time on my butt than I did on my feet lol.

Haha yeah I’m sure we’ll have an awesome time at Myrtle Beach if we do wind up going. I’m actually really looking forward to a nice vacation away from things, especially since this is my senior year and whatnot. I want this year to be as enjoyable as I can make it especially considering what just happened. Don’t worry I know your phobia with the ocean lol I won’t try to throw you in but you at least have to come up to where the waves break! :) I promise you won’t get stung by any jelly fish or.. loose clothing! lol Haha I’m sure I’ll get along with your friends, when I’m in a social scene and with people I’m comfortable with I get kinda silly because I just like to.. let go, you know?

Ah I’m over this morning, it was just a weak period. I’m sorry your apartment was so cold, I know how you feel because it was pretty cold her today as well, and rainy. I’m glad you knee got better so quick! :) That’s great news. You better be careful this time in the city! lol I hope that train isn’t as creepy as last time, at least you’re with friends again. I hope you have a great time in the city and have fun! :)

So considering I have off for a long period of time this weekend, I was sort of wondering if you’d want to meet up sometime this weekend? I know you’re hanging out with your friends and whatnot Saturday, but how would Sunday work out maybe? I’m not pressuring anything its jes this weekend seemed sorta perfect to just get out and do something different and possibly meet the face behind the text :) haha. So whatever you decide, lemme know and I’ll try to see what we can do. I’ll talk to you later, and I hope you had fun in the city!

ok…I see someone is in a joking mood. I didnt mean for it to sound like that haha. oh yeah, I have 3 tattoos..nothing big. Just a start on my stomach, one on my foot that says love in Italian , and one on the back of my neck that says “la vita e bella” which means the beautiful life. haha, yeah I hit the rebellious stage early in life, thank god thats over. lol, yeah the guy who did them kept asking me if I was sure I wanted him to keep going ( ok that sounded bad too..geez) but I ended up liking them anyway. ok yeah, that is a little creepy. I’m such a baby at that stuff. I still have to have someone with me when I get a shot or I will freak out.

ok seriously, the deer come to me. Its like I have a target on my forehead or something. haha, yeah you could say i am compassionate..seeing as though everyone said i was completely crazy for waiting ( in my prom dress, which was like cinderella x2) And it sounds bad, but I’m so used to having the range Rover, which can run over anything with no problem.But in my car now, its like I have to be really careful. been lucky so far.

ok, seriously get a new strategy…cause you can sqeeze me as tight as you want, and I’m still not letting go. nice try..I like to see that you’re actually planning. I have a few tricks myself :)

Me too! I grew up in the snow so I would pretty much miss it soo bad. haha, my friend Leighton grew up in the south so she hates winters, and I’m the one who will be out snowboarding all day long. She thinks I’m crazy.

well, at least we can fail together. lol. yeah that goal went out the window the second I graduated.

Aww, yeah. we wont have to many competitions, gotta give you a break sometime. haha, joking. Beach olyimpics lol, I am pretty lazy when I’m on the beach, until half of the people pick me up and THROW me into the ocean ( yeah you’ve already heard that story), then its on.. I’m giving you the warning now, my friends are insane, they just havent been diagnosed lol. You think that I’m a good time, just wait. hey, I dont push it on you..its just a fact of life that I am teaching you.

I’m sorry you had a bad morning. I sorta did too, because it was so fucking cold outside, and I didnt close my window last night. so yeah, I woke up shivering, it put me in a bad mood. But, I got to class, and it was actually fun. Oh, and I can now walk without anyone help. speedy recovery i guess. Oh, and I’m off the pain meds, which were starting to wear off anyway. oh well, I just have to try to be more careful EVERYWHERE I go lol.

Well, I am now getting ready to go into the city. We’re catching the train in the morning and staying overnight at someones apartment ( I have no idea who, friend of a friend I guess) which is a little creepy, but as long as I get to shop…its al that matters.
Hope your day turns out better. Talk to you later :)

Lol.. I’m sorry but when you said mine is longer than yours.. I’m sorry but that sounded funny.

At least that pain medication is helping you with your knee, I’ve never twisted or broken anything so I don’t really know what it feels like. Tattoos huh? I never knew you had any haha, that’s pretty funny how you got them though I bet that guy/girl that was doing it was like “man I hope this chick doesn’t flip out.” That sucks about the whole doctor thing :\ but at least they took care of you. When I was a freshman I cut my thumb in chem lab because a test tube exploded in my hand because I was washing it and whatever was in the tube must’ve reacted with the water. I had to go to the health center, which couldn’t do stitches, a health clinic which wouldn’t take my insurance and then I went to the hospital where they made me wait for 3 hours in the waiting room until I could be seen. Yeah, let’s just say I never want to have to be forced to go to the hospital again lol. I’ve never really been afraid of hospitals or the doctor, whenever I get a shot I usually watch it go in and I think it helps me not be scared of it, weird huh? Yeah..

Esh you hit some deer? I bet that was pretty scary. I have yet to hit anything and I’m trying to make sure it stays that way lol. A cat ran across the street last night while I was driving my friends downtown so we could go to chill out at a pub but it was far enough away that I didn’t have to even worry about hitting it. I can’t believe you stayed by that deer’s side now that takes a bit of compassion. I don’t know what I’d do if I hit a deer I mean.. I would hope that it would be able to go off and run away but if that’s not the case I’d probably call my parents too. Haha well if it’s your new car I can understand why you’d get upset. It sucks that you’d hit a deer but at he same time you just put a lot of effort into that car it’s like the lesser of two evils.

Haha I’m almost excited for this competition to take place I want to see who will win! I all ready have a strategy, I’m going to hold you so tight you’re going to want me to let you go lol.

Oh man that’s always been one of my dreams as well haha, I want to live on the beach at some point in my life, but I want to live somewhere it would be warm, but in the winter there would be a little bit of snow because I love the snow. Yeah about the traveling thing, I always wanted to like.. I dunno fly somewhere into Europe and then hoof it the rest of the way. I’d eventually want to make my way from England to Egypt and if I’m lucky I want to go to China and Japan too haha. If I could do that I’d be happy.

I know what you mean, I’ve always been motivated to get all A’s in my life, but at his point I’m a little disheartened because it’s just so difficult to pull A’s now in the classes I take. I was lucky I got all A’s last semester and I hope I can do it again this semester. I know what you mean bout the failing grades, oh boy do I haha. I’ve gotten plenty over the past 4 years.

I know about the whole first love thing, I mean I’ve heard that too. I guess for my situation, it wasn’t always about the fact that she was my first love, it was so much deeper than that. At this point however I don’t know what to believe, I really thought what we had was true love, people saw it when we were together and we could just be sitting there holding our hands. I dunno..

In any case I’m so frikken excited if this whole trip works out lol that’d be so awesome. I know I can have a lot of fun with you considering how you continuously push it on me! haha Yeah really I can imagine we’d have like a beach Olympics or whatnot haha I wouldn’t want everything to be a competition though we have to have some fun together at least! lol

Ugh I’m so glad it’s Friday. I sorta had a bad morning experience all ready, I got up this morning and I just.. couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed and I don’t know why. I was pretty depressed out of nowhere and I was pissed at myself because I missed my class because of it and I’ve never been like that this entire time. Maybe it’s just I need a friendly face and someone to talk to I dunno.. I hope this 5 day weekend doesn’t turn out to be hell because I’ve been looking forward to it.

ok…you won. yours was longer than mine :o

aww. its not to long. yeah, pain meds arent having that good of an effect. I’m still perfectly sane, just takes all the pain away. Which helps because I’m a big baby when it comes to pain. Seriously, I got all of my tattoos when I was semi- wasted because I was so afraid of the pain. I wouldnt say it helped…but it sure made it entertaining to say the least. ouch..yeah it sounds like you have had a bit of bad luck yourself. Yeah I was in the waiting room for forever, which completely sucked. And then the doctor was stupid. ok, if you push on my knee, which is doubled in size and I immediately start crying, and ask me if it hurts. duh, it hurts..why the hell would I be crying and telling you to stop. ugh, it was just a bad experience all around. And the fact that I have this strange phobia of hospitals. Sick people, dead people, and me sitting there in a cold exam room doesnt appeal to me at all.
OMG, I really am a bad driver. Seriously, I think that the guy who passed me just wanted to get rid of me. Yeah, I’ve been lucky, I’ve only hit a few deer, which living in the middle of nowhere, these things just happen. haha, I remember being in high school ,and I was on my way home from prom..well I ended up hitting my first deer, and got out of the car, stayed with the deer ( it was still alive btw) until my dad came. I was crying and everything. Now I just get pissed because its my new car, and I would hate to have anything happen to it as shallow as that sounds lol.
haha, I can totally see that. I can hold on forever so I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into. I’ll be sure to clear the whole day then cause I’m not letting go first. ha, just made a competition out of a competition.
oh, I love the beach. We used to go every year to Myrtle Beach. My dad had a house right on the ocean. So yeah, I’ve always pictured myself getting married on the beach, when that will happen, idk. I can see what you mean about getting done what you want to do. I’ve always wanted to travel the world. I hate flying though…but Italy was amazing so I’m pretty sure i can deal with it.

Oh, I wish I was the same way. I’ve always been determined to get A’s no matter what. I did it all through high school,and we were basically “trained” to be the best. So then I got to college and its not the perfect world anymore. Lets just say I’ve gotten my fair share of failing grades.

Yeah…SHE is ridiculous. at least you got a new belt after everything :) You never forget your first love…at least thats what i’m told. havent found the right person yet. Ok, then you are going to have to go with us. Still figuring out all the details, but I’ll keep you posted :) a whole week of competitions on the beach, promise I wont be too hard on you lol.

Wow that was a bit longer than I thought lol I kept getting distracted so I guess I forgot how much I wrote.

Ah yeah I can imagine that hurt like hell. At least you were sort of laughing about it? Haha, I bet those pain meds are treating you right well, the highest pain killers I’ve ever had were from when I had my wisdom teeth pulled, even then I never really.. I dunno.. felt like they had an effect? I mean I know they worked because I didn’t feel pain but I didn’t get all loopy like people tend to get when they’re on pain killers. The most intense physical pain I’ve ever had to deal with only lasted for barely a second, when I was little I was moving this concrete block in a playground and I dropped it and it grazed the inside of my knee and I felt it and I thought it was just a scratch until I looked down and saw blood pouring everywhere. So yeah it cut so deep and immediately that it cut the nerves there so I didn’t feel much pain, it just ached more than anything especially as I limped home and sat in the emergency waiting room lol. Aw you’re a bad driver? I’m sorry to hear that I mean it’s no big deal. I’d like to say that I’m decent.. I’m not great with directions but I can do well on the road haha.

Psh competition issues? You don’t even know lol we have to settle this once and for all when we get together. I can see it now, trying to beat each other by having the best hug and we wind up standing there for hours “I’m not letting go until you do because that means I’m better!” hahah. Yeah I can understand how you feel about the whole wedding thing. I mean I’d like to someday, but not until I do whatever it is I would like to do with my life, and one of the major things I’d like to do before I settle down would be to travel all around the world. That’s been one of my biggest dreams in life, plus I really want to go to Ecuador especially because most of my family is from there and I’ve never been yet. Brittany and I had sort of planned out what we wanted to do, but meh, oh well. What I always would have liked would to have gotten married on the beach or something somewhere. I just love the sound of the ocean and getting married there with the clear blue sky and water all around and the warm, white sand between my toes.. mm that sounds pretty good to me haha.

Yeah that 62 bummed me out, but at this point I never let grades get me down. I’m done with it. I calculated that I need to get an average on 90 on everything else in the class to get an A which is feasible so I’m just going to study a lot harder even though it’s open book. I’d like to this time be able to do the exam without even needing the book, only to use it in the end to make sure I was right. Pssh please, don’t worry about telling your grades to me I’m proud of you for that! Good grades are nothing to feel bad about haha. As far as the spending goes, I guess it doesn’t hurt to buy yourself something every now and then especially for rewarding yourself with that 89 haha. At least you have those gift cards to fall back on, I think I remember you saying that you got them from your birthday so that’s good :) I’ve been trying to save up some more money, for what I don’t really know. I just bought myself a belt because I sort of wanted/needed one since I sorta lost weight over the summer because of all this :\ haha.. eeeh anyway.. I dunno about the confidence bit haha, I’m just trying to.. I dunno see how ridiculous this situation is I guess. I still miss her a hell of a lot, at least the person I used to know, not this self centered, hypocrite. Haha that would be sooooo awesome if I’d go with you guys I’m sure it’d be a lot of fun just like you keep saying because you’re there :P

haha, its ok. Yeah it was pretty painful. I’m not sure if I was cying because of the pain or because it was just so damn funny. But, pain killers are my best friend right about now so yeah… I doing ok. Haha, no I didnt drive myself. I am a horrible driver to begin with, so I can only imagine how that trip would have been. No, my friend Leighton took me there, I actually wasnt going to go. I’m the same way, usually wait it out until I absolutley have to go. But, she insisted and I was already in a bad mood to fight it.

Ok ,we now have serious competition issues. geez, just admit that I am better in every possible way! joking, I’m not THAT concieted. umm, no. you havent had fun until you’ve hung out with me. Seriously, I swear I can find humor in anything. I could have fun in an empty room…beat that! Yeah, I was one of those girls dreaming of her wedding since I knew what it meant. I have everything planned..location..dress.. food. EVERYTHING. And yet I dont really have the desire to get married any time soon lol. Ouch, 62 huh. Ok, so the genius had a blonde moment :) but I’m still calling you a genius no matter what so you’re just going to have to deal with it. i actually passed my first lab with an 89, not to rub it in or anything haha. hmm, i wonder who the kid is in Albany that I happen to know? haha, yeah I’m excited to go shopping with the little money I have right now. Yeah I’m pretty good about keeping the credit card at home, thank god because I’d be in debt by now. And I have a few gift cards to Abercrombie that I’m waiting to spend. Should be lots of fun :) ooh, sounds like someone is gaining a little confidence in the area of “brittany”, good for you :) OMG, you can totally go with us this summer if you want. I’m telling you, if you arent happy by then…you will be because I’m just that fun. lol. Talk to ya later.

Aw! I’m so sorry hun! I hope your knee is okay, geez that sounds painful as silly as your story was. I’m proud of you for going to the hospital even though if something like that would have happened to me I might have just waited it out until it would get worse. How’d you get there? Did you drive yourself? I hope you feel better soon, I suggest an icy hot pack or maybe rubbing your tendon and knee for a little bit, I wish there were something I could do for you :\

Yeah.. that night was pretty bad, but it’s history now, so I’m trying not to think about it. I’m not really the partying type either, the only reason I go out now to bars and such now is because I can just relax and hang out with my friends, but I stay away from the alcohol. Haha, well I guess I’m just going to have to take you up on that hug now aren’t I :P haha Yeah you’ll just see how good mine are then too lol! I’m glad you got everything squared away with Myrtle Beach haha that would be so awesome if I’d come with you and pssh you just think it would be fun, it’d be even more fun if I were there! Lol Wow, that is really strange that you also pictured yourself getting married there.. huh.. that’s a weird coincidence lol. As far as the computer things you need to stop calling me a genius :P because I totally got a 62 on an exam I took last friday lol, but I’ll still help you out if you have questions. Like I said I’m no expert but I think I could probably help you out. Going to the city huh? I always like making trips there, I haven’t been down in that area for about a year. Don’t go crazy with the shopping! Prices are insane now a days lol! Haha you know your next trip should totally be to the Albany area :P it’s totally cool there I hear there’s this kid that goes to school there and he needs some help making killer cinnamon rolls some upcoming 5 day weekend lol.
In any case I hope your knee feels better Kayla, try not to strain yourself too much. Yeah, I guess Brittany doesn’t know what she’s missing anymore, after all she friggen cut me out of her life completely so.. yeah.

sorry. I meant to comment sooner. Ended up going to the hospital last night because I totally fucked up my knee. Yeah, your used to hearing my clumsy stories, but it really does follow me around haha. Anyway, I slipped on something in the kitchen, and twisted my knee wrong. They think its just a torn muscle, so nothing broken, thank god. geez, I am such a clutz.

Oh my.. it does sound like you had quite an night. Seriously, everyone has one of those nights where you are piss drunk, and the tears just start flowing. If they say they havent, they are lying! Actually, I’ve had a couple, and I’m not the partier type, so dont feel embarrassed. Haha, I’m not expert, but yeah. I have come to the conclusion that when we meet, first you are getting a hug, I have to size of the competition! and then a cinnamon roll lol. Hands down, there is NO competition with mine. Yeah, I eventually got everything worked out with Myrtle Beach. Ya know you can go with us if you wanted. wouldnt want you to miss out on going there because it is awesome, and it would obviously be fun because I’m going :) Ok, it is a little weird..I have always pictured myself getting married there as well. Anyway, yeah I will take you up on the computer stuff sooner or later. I am far from being an expert at this stuff, and with all of your genius abilities… haha. Ok, I’m gonna get going. I’m actually doing homework early! yep, suprised myself too. We’re actually thinking about going into the city on Friday, I think I deserve a good night of shopping for everything that has gone on. Dont know how that is gonna help the knee but I really dont give a shit..shopping is way better.
talk to you later. btw, sounds like you had a good conversation with the “ex”, doesnt know what she’s missing ;)

Haha I dunno I never considered being good at video games that great of a quality :P I mean they’re fun, but like you said what would they get you in the end lol. Blah I dunno about getting there, haha I didn’t tell you all that happened the other night. I felt embarrassed, but I had some vodka to drink while I was playing that game by myself and when I was getting ready to go to bed I started looking at pictures of her and I back during this trip I’m writing about now and I sort of cried a little bit until I passed out and woke up the next morning. Today I tried as hard as I could to ignore the sad, sappy music in the bookstore lol. Mmm, those cinnamon rolls sound so good right now :P especially from an expert such as yourself haha. Ooooh Myrtle Beach huh? I always wanted to go there! Brittany and I were supposed to take a vacation there one time and we were actually thinking of possibly getting married there :\ I always wanted to go haha. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of the “computer stuff” lol if you ever need help I could try to help you, I mean I’m no expert but I do know the ins and outs.

haha…well, if your good at them, why not brag? But, yeah it probably wont get you very far, besides excercising your thumb, and something tells me it wont get anyone very far. See, you are getting there! I am not one to say this…but..I told you so! lol. just take it one day at a time. Oh, and my cinnamon rolls probably would kill you if you had to many haha. Yummy, I’m hungry just thinking about them:) well, hope you had a good day. I’m currently booking a spring break trip to Myrtle Beach with a whole bunch of our friends and its totally confusing me lol. I told you already, I am so dumb at all of this computer stuff, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. Talk to you soon

Haha don’t worry being good at video games isn’t necessarily something to brag home about lol. I hate to say that I’m fairly decent because where’s that gonna get me in life haha. Yeah, I was trying to stop feeling sad, I’m getting there. I’d totally eat those cinnamon rolls but I’d only hope that they wouldn’t kill me!

yeah I hear you. I just hate having something to complain about, I know that sounds crazy. And yes, thats what friends are for lol. oooo, video games are fun..but I can never seem to get past any level :/ well, at least you’re trying to stop feeling sad. I cant imagine how hard it is. mmm, sounds yummy. I make killer cinnamon rolls, seriously they are to die for! haha

Don’t worry about it Kayla ok? You’re always here for me to gripe to the least I can do for you is hear you out, it’s what friends are for at least right?
I’m doing okay, my roommate got a new video game yesterday and I wound up playing it till like 5am last night haha.. Came back to my room and I started working on another part to my story that I’ve been neglecting and I started to look at some pictures and I got a little sad so to avoid it I just went to sleep. I’m about to make some cinnamon rolls and french toast for brunch? Haha.

yeah.. I’m ok I guess. Sorry for ranting but this really isnt like me. I guess when I get upset, I REALLY get upset because it doesnt happen often, if that makes any sense. idk, I’m not going to put myself into it again, maybe its better that I dont know whats going on. and the drama continues…. so how are you?

Damn then.. well good job haha I’m sure they enjoyed it. Are you feeling any better today?

haha, yeah I know what you mean, I was wondering if they added an extra zero in the beginning. oh, yeah it took me 3 days to finish it, and I was happy at the end of those 3 days trust me.

Wow, lucky you lol I can’t even imagine being paid that much to make something, given it took you more than two days of work right? Woho! Nothing better than free cake haha.

umm.. hell yes I got it, and spent it lol . And it was before I worked where I do now, thank god because I would have only gotten half. Aww, you are a good friend, and you will get a piece for free haha

Omg please tell me you didn’t get all of that, most of it went to the place you work for right? Lol. Heck yes you will! I’d totally eat anything you’d put in front of me because I’m just that good of a friend haha.

haha, got over $900 for it, so u missed your chance lol. But thanks, I’ll save you a piece of the next one

I’d totally eat the heck out of that cake. lol

yeah thanks again. haha, I’ll try to focus on being the best chef there is. btw, I did make that cake, it was the first one I ever made *says with pride* lol. not so bad if I dont say so myself :)

Haha no no it’s okay don’t worry about it. I can understand your frustration because like you said your family isn’t the most private. I know you hate your dad and everything but if things work out between those two, you’re going to need to have a real talk with him and discuss with him how he’s made you feel over the course of these years because of what he did to your mom. You also know that eventually your mom is probably going to come to you to make sure it’s okay with you that they are seeing each other again. At least that’s what I’m hoping maybe she’ll give you that respect. Take everything as of now with a grain of salt and keep focusing on trying to be the best chef there is :P haha. I’m glad you’re feeling better :)

yeah your probably right. I am just realy frustrated. Why would she take him back?? AH! just when things end it starts back up again. The only reason I guess I got upset is because they know word gets around, and still were ignorant enough not to inform me of their little fling. ugh, seriously I had a lot of hate towards my dad before but if he hurts my mom again, he has another thing coming , scum doesnt even begin to cover it.( sorry to rant) idk, we’ll see how things turn out I’m sure, nothing like old times :) Thanks, I guess I”m like you in the sense that people always see me as the happy one, no hate for anyone, and I dont want them to see the other side. So yeah, its nice to actually get it out, no need to take it out on my pillow :)

Oh Kayla I’m so sorry to hear that.. I’d definitely send you a hug if I could. I guess the whole thing about finding out through someone else, not even your own parents or whatever could take a toll on your emotions. I know that they didn’t even take into consideration your feelings about the separation or the lunch, but maybe at this point they both realized how much it hurt you in the first place that they didn’t want to tell you until everything was final or whatnot. Also, you have to realize you have your own life now. You’re 19 now, and I guess.. because of that they probably didn’t feel the need to tell you until it came up. I know it hurts, but it would have come up eventually. Please don’t let this get to you. You’ve started your own life again, I know you think he’s a scum bag and he might do this to her all over again, but since he all ready broke off the engagement maybe he realizes what he did wrong. Maybe he did change like what I was first talking to you about way back when. We’ll just have to see where it goes. I’m really sorry you had such a crappy night. I hope tonight gets better for you.

haha, actually I had the worst night possible. May give your a run for the money, depends of how you look at it. Ok, where to start…basically on Friday, I found out that my parents started “hanging out” again, its also the reason why I was so pissed off and went home early. Oh, and I found out that he broke off the engagment with the whore he had been seeing, and now he is having lunch with my mom again. Wait for it….I found out by my old neighbor. Yeah, they didnt even think that it was important to tell me. So, I’ve known this for about a week, but last night I called my mom up, just to poke around, and she “mentioned” that she had lunch with my dada. You know when someone is head over heels in love with someone, you can tell it in their voice?? maybe I’m crazy, but you could tell that the entire thing was starting all over again. So, yeah I was basically crying all night, and its like they dont even care how this affects me. Like when they got a separation, it wasnt about what I needed, but what helped them. And just when things start to calm down, all hell breaks loose…again. Oh, i dont know what to do Evan, am I over-reacting? I just feel a little betrayed in the fact that I had to find out from someone else, and that they dont care how this affects me in the long run. People know my parents, and they know me, no matter where I go it seems that way. Its one of the reasons I cant wait to get married, to change my last name lol. So yeah, sounds like both of our nights sucked :/

idk how you keep going hun, but you do and thats all thats important. And see, there are people out there that can relate, so I guess that probably reassured you a little bit. Sending big hugs your way, sounds like we could both use one right now. talk to ya later.

Aww I’m sorry I sorta fooled you. Yeah I wasn’t home then I was out with my friends we went out to a bar and had a pretty good time. Went back to one of my friends houses to chill out and then like some people who didn’t really know me asked me have I ever been in a relationship before. So I told them I was cheated on by the girl I fell in love with for six years and they kept asking me questions and I told them I didn’t really want to talk about it so I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes for a while and people kept telling me to not “be tired” and whatnot and telling me all what to do and so I just got really upset especially because now I was thinking about Brittany so I broke down a little bit especially also because I felt like I was disappointing a lot of people from what I was doing and my friend was trying to get with this one girl and I didn’t want her to talk to me because they had all ready told me that “she’s sensitive” and because I mentioned my relationship she felt really bad for me. So my friend took me back to his room and he just talked to me because he was cheated on also by a girl that he was in love with for 3 years and I just cried a lot last night.. Talking to him really helped, but it also made me realize that even when I’m still out with my friends.. she’s still on my mind. I always thought maybe I’m just saying these things, but nope, she’s still there. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over this Kayla, I know it takes time, but I’m tired of being miserable.

I hope your night last night was better than mine and your day today as well. I had a better day today, we went to a street fair today and went shopping at the mall. Btw that cake is beautiful, did you make that all on your own?

wow we’re acutally online at the same time, this is rare haha. Oh, me too…not one cavity, and I dont plan on it lol. Anyway, just got done watching the Notebook, again… and still gets me to cry everytime haha. Anything special going on with you??

Yeah I know what you mean, I’ve always been that person too basically so I just feel like.. I still have to be that person for everyone despite what I’ve been going through, you know? I can imagine all those student events take up a lot of your time, but at least you’re active on campus unlike I am lol. Aw yeah I mean I’d like to go to bed by that time usually as well, but it’s just like there’s so little time in the day for me to just.. chill out that I resort to having to do it late at night. Mmm I bet that chicken alfredo was good coming from a culinary genius such as yourself :P haha. Ah thanks for clearing up that whole thing with the exams lol I’ve always been wondering what it was like to be in a culinary school. Haha my roommate told me last night he thinks I missed my calling because I cook so well and my other friend said she was glad I can cook well so she doesn’t have to pretend. Lol yeah I know what you mean about the dentist. I don’t like that metal crap either but when it’s all done and over with my teeth feel so much better and I like that feeling haha. I like taking care of my teeth I guess cause I never had a cavity and I don’t plan on getting one lol. I hope you have a great day or night also :) Yeah, I’m excited that it’s finally friday as well.

haha, I’ve never really had a problem in that area either, I’ve always been the happy one, always laughing. Ok, so maybe you dont have the best culinary club out there, ours are awesome obviously, and you get to travel all over. Yeah, it takes up a lot of my time, but a lot of the meetings are at night, so unless I have to work its not that difficult. Ha, its the least of my worries, I’m also our student body president, sort of like student council for a university, so yeah that keeps me busy most of the time. Wow, your day sounded crazy..I would never be able to wake up in the morning if I didnt go to bed by like midnight, and even then I’m a bitch in the morning lol. yummy, your dinner did sound good, your roomates are lucky lol. Yeah, I made enough chicken alfredo for like 20 people, so I have plenty left over haha. Oh, our exams are usually pretty long, during the week we have lecture days and lab days, labs are usually 5-6 hours long.Anyway, I only have lectures twice a week, and then I’m in the kitchen for the rest. So, we have our lab first, and then you write a lab “write-up” to explain why you used this method, or why you chose that ingredient stuff like that, and it counts as an exam grade. They are pretty big, so we dont have a lot, but I love it because there really isnt anything to “study” , its all in my head and completely original. However, some chefs are complete assholes, usually the french ones lol, and they will give you a huge exam on the history of some ingredient which sucks. So yeah, its a bit different than most schools, a lot more “artistic” I guess. Omg, I HATE the dentist, I’ve been lucky and havent had anything wrong with my teeth, buut there is something sooo creepy about someone reaching in my mouth with a metal object, idk but i cant handle it. Seriously, a 5 year old probably reacts better than me, its scary. But, I suck it up and I’m usually ok haha. Anyway, last day at work, yay!! so I can start working on campus, which will be so much better, less stress involved. Hope you have a good night, finally Friday:)

Haha, self esteem was always something I’ve never been too concerned with I guess. I mean I might be shy but when I’m comfortable around the people I’m with then I’m pretty outgoing and I don’t know if that has anything to do with self esteem lol. Yeah I know what you mean about the whole message. I really wonder if she even knows about the message.

Haha yeah my friend is sort of in charge of the cooking club. I was considering doing it but my other friend that was in it said it wasn’t anything special and the whole thing was sort of unsanitary so I’m not sure if I want to join lol. That’s cool that you’re in so many, doesn’t it take up a lot of your time? Lol aww there’s nothing to be afraid of by the dentist, at least if they were trained right. I’m glad your day went all right and that nothing got thrown out haha! I’m sure that dinner you’re making is going to be great :P

My day.. ugh I was so tired all day because I wound up going to bed at around 4:30 because I was in my research lab till 12:30am and I got home and laid down on my bed on the computer till around 1:30 and passed out. I woke up at 3:30am and I was like crap.. because I had to take an online quiz.. which I got a 70 on and I didn’t even read what it was supposed to be about haha. I took a shower too so that’s why I went to bed so late. I was running around all day like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Although the dinner I made tonight made a big hit haha I made BBQ pulled beef and it was great. Now I’m just chilling out and getting ready to study for my first exam of the semester. I’m not worried because it’s open book haha. I’m kinda curious how the exams are with your program like do you have to cook something? Or is there a written exam?

No no, I’m glad you gave me your opinion. So far everyone that I’ve talked to or asked has said the same thing. They keep telling me that I need to do this for myself and I’m just starting to think maybe I should. I hope you have a good night Kayla and that your dinner turns out well :)

thats better, I thought I was going to have to give you my “self-esteem” speech. Yeah, I dont know if I would have reacted well if I knew he had sent that message, so maybe she doesnt realize it yet. Even though you arent together, I would hope that she would have the decency to be civil. Yay! hope you have fun with “cooking club” haha, I’m in about 3 myself, but what kind of club is better than one you can eat in?? none. haha, yeah wouldnt want to miss that dentists appointment ( also something I am terrified of lol), yeah we will have to figure something out, I’ll check my calande and get back to ya:) Well, my day went pretty well.. nothing to exciting, no food thrown away so thats good. Actually, I didnt cook at all today which sucked, so now I’m making a huge dinner for one haha. So, I hope your day went well. anything exciting??
btw, not that my opinion counts but, I think you should pay her a visit, you deserve closure! and who cares if she is suprised or put off, because she didnt care how you felt when she broke up with you. Karma’s a bitch.

Haha yeah I know what you mean about the whole graduating thing. It’s weird to realize that this is finally over even though I’ve been working so hard to end it lol. Ok ok fine :P I guess a meeting with you will just be to hard to pass up then too! Hah! Now what lol. It’s no big deal, yeah I realize that he’s a pretty jealous person apparently but I mean he can’t let that get in the way of his relationship if he really wants things to work out. I really doubt she even knows he sent this message, but I still have a feeling she knows. Haha okay I’m glad I won’t get in the way of you doing anything culinary related :P I actually went to a meeting tonight on campus for this cooking club haha.

As far as meeting up I have a break in the beginning of October but I think I’m going home for that one cause my friggen mom scheduled a dentist appointment for me haha. Other than that I could always visit one weekend or whatnot, take the train down hang out for the day and take the train back up or something. Who knows! lol I hope your day went better also and I hope no one throws your food away!

*it

yeah, ti sounds like your life is sounding a lot like mine, full of drama. Yep, we will have to meet up, and shut-up, you know you’re too good to pass up! You find it hard to believe, why?? Anyway, yeah I had no idea what to do after I graduated, thats why I went back haha. Although, if I was in the same major as you, I’d be excited to get the hell out. Ah, I’m sorry about all of this stuff with her current bf, its like your stuck right in the middle. Well, it sounds like he’s pretty jealous to me, maybe a little insecure with the relationship??hmmm. and you dont get in the way of my “cookings” ha, I love that. Well, I’ll talk to you later, hope today goes better for you:)

Yeah I hope so. I want to have fun after all this drama has gone down. It’d be great to meet up, I mean I have breaks here and there throughout the semester haha but I wouldn’t want to get in the way of any of your studies or cookings and whatnots. Lol too good to pass up? I find that hard to believe :P Yeah I’m pretty excited to graduate.. but at the same time I don’t really know what I’m going to do after :\ I hope you had a good day, my day was all right until about an hour ago. I’m going to make a post about it right now so.. when you have the time, go ahead and indulge.

aww, well I’m glad to help:) and it does sound like you are going to have a good weekend, have fun! And you dont get annoying, at least not to me lol. Yeah, we will have to meet up sometime, CIA is basically an all year round school, depends on the major, so my first break is for Christmas/ New Years, but I’m sure we could figure something out, you’re to good to pass up! haha. oh, I’m sure your excited to graduate, all that science, I’d be insane by now. Well, I’m off to work, talk to you later:)

Yeah talking I’m always able to get things out I feel like when I talk to you haha. Yeah I guess the reason why I like the picture is becuase I can finally put a face behind the words! Haha. I think that this weekend I’m just going to wind up going to this street festival with my friends but for the rest of the weekend I just want to start to try to chill out by myself like play my guitar haha. Yeah I could understand how you feel about he fronts thing. I guess it’s just I want to put off like I’m just the same person as I always have been without letting anyone know that deep down inside.. I really am hurting. I know if they were my friends they could understand but it’s just I know after a while it’s gotta get annoying. You really have been very helpful to me Kayla in this whole situation and I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. There’s another person that’s helped me as well because they tend to be there when I need to talk also, and I’m glad for you both.
Haha in any case, yeah it would be awesome to meet up :) I actually have a break coming up at the end of this month and the begining of October maybe we could meet up then or something lol, just a thought. As for another degree haha I think I’m a little too late to do that! I wanna graduate in May at least lol. Thanks for the nice words :) and I hope you had a good day as well.

well I’m glad I can help you take your mind off things..thats what I’m here for:)aww, you are a sweetheart. Oh, and you can never make yourself too happy, maybe you just have to find something mellow to do that makes you happy. Yeah, I’ve been down the party route, doesnt quite fill the void that well, does it. Hello…play your guitar..and you can still stay home, no need to go out. Dont worry, I’m the same exact way, I’d much rather just chill in my room and watch a movie or something.
ok, finally something I can offer advice on! putting up fronts is something I do well haha. Ok, something I learned when my parents split,and just crossing mean people in general.. people are always going to have something to say..no matter what. So while your trying not to bitch and complain, people are ultimately going have something to say anyway, so if it makes you feel better to vent, then do it, dont worry about it. And dont feel guilty or anything, if people have a problem with you, they will tell you!( I dont have a problem with you btw lol) Everyone needs a person to go to,and if I can possibly aid you in that, then you know I’m more than willing to. Anyway, I have endless advice on this, trust me I’ve been there, I know it sucks. Anyway, yes! we will definetly meet up sometime, now that would be a fun day. well, I’m off to study..ya know if your looking for something to study, you could always take up a new degree, I’ve got plenty! Talk to you later, hope you had a good day:)

Oh haha btw I’m glad you like my new picture lol I like your new one too :)

Yeah I’d like to believe that I’m getting better. Just talking to people such as yourself really helps just to you know.. get my mind off things. I feel bad because I feel like I’ve been neglecting my duties here on help as to helping other people, but I’ve been so busy with things here at college that at the least I want to do is keep in touch with the friends I’ve made like you. I’m sorry you got your food thrown away :\ I’m sure that’s not very fun. I know what you mean about doing whatever I do to make myself happy and I’ve been trying, but at the same time I think that I’ve been doing a little too much. I think this weekend I might just.. stay home and relax or something because I feel like I need to study even though I have nothing to study or work on. I guess the reason I put up this front Kayla is because.. I dunno I don’t want people to be like “you gotta stop thinking or saying things about this” because I don’t know why.. but I just feel the urge just to.. spill it all out sometimes. I don’t want to bitch and complain but it’s just.. sometimes I just need someone to just let it all out and I just don’t want to bother people with it. I know I could always come to you for it, and I’m really greatful for that and I really appreciate it. Maybe one day I’ll take you up on that offer for a hug haha.. it’d be cool if one day we could get together and hang out or something I dunno.

I think you are getting better though, even if it is a small step, so dont think that you arent. oh yeah, its pretty much sucks to have someone throw all of your hard work in the trash, Its happened to me 3 times, but you get over it and become better. haha, and I dont know if I’m doing that much better than you, trying to relax but it doesnt seem to work out that well. And about Brittany, like I said before, I havent been in that kind of relationship so I dont know how good my advice is..but I do know that you have to do whatever it is to make yourself happy, so go for it. As far as putting up a front, I’ve grown up with that so I know it sucks. But its really not worth it Evan, who cares what people think. Your going through a hard time, and maybe its better to just let it all out , forget putting up a front. So, you know I’m here..and that hug is still good if you need it (: