AnnieNYC's reply history at Help.com

Hey Raymond,
Thanks for your response on my post. Not sure how this thing works yet and if you could see my reply on my own post. Anyway, regarding this problem…It sucks when you set your expectations high and you get excited about something and then are let down. That is a huge bummer what happened, but you have to learn to manage your expectations now that you are not together. At some point you may need to take a little time away from her, but it doesn’t sound like you are ready to do that yet. Some girls freak out about your situation and try to cut guys off completely after they break up because they can’t handle it, no matter who made the decision to end the relationship. You are definitely lucky that she is a good friend to you and she is honest.

My assistant the other day when I was upset told me something that I keep thinking about..Funny that someone who works for me knows more about life than I do… But he said that life isn’t supposed to be easy. So when things go your way, you have to look at them like “that’s just life”. Then when something good, great, or amazing happens, it is a huge bonus in a tough world, and you have to be happy the the world is working in your favor. If you think life is supposed to be EASY, and then something bad happens, you tend to dwell on the bad even more, and think the world is working against you.

You can’t force yourself to spend time with girls and date them when you are not ready. Yes, it is always good to get back out there, but you will be doing yourself and any other girl in your future a favor by giving yourself some time to get over the ex completely and figure out your needs. I’ve dated guys who were still not quite over there ex’s. It just wasn’t healthy. So you are better off being honest and telling them no thank you than saying yes and then not being fully present.

Thanks so much Raymond. See when I read your response I even started to cry :( He does know and is trying his best to make me feel loved. He has been walking on egg shells for months. He wants to stay with me, but he sort of thinks that maybe I’m starting to realize that I can’t handle his schedule. All I need is for him to start checking in with me at night until I pull myself out of this. I told him I would rather have him in my life than not. He said he knows that but I need to make sure that is not the only reason why I stay with him. He is being very mature because he wants what is best for me…But it is obvious that he thinks that he is causing me pain and that maybe he isn’t right for me. But I know he is.