iainbrockwel's reply history at Help.com

And p.s. you critiqued the subject but not the prose………

Its my catharsis, long winded yes….If I could delete this crap from my head and start fresh I would.

Im not gonna post annonymously now, this is the guy who left the first one……
Ive had quite a while to let go of my past relationship and Im not sure if Im an unusual person but Ive had to demolish a hell of a lot of beliefs, traits and small comforts from inside my head that made me the person I was.(To be honest Im not sure if that was a denial statement.)
One of the worst things is that Im so unsure of myself(not just because of that first relationship) I dont know if Im doing the right or wrong thing in certain situations for example……
For a while there have been a few people in my life who have had tremendous feeling for me and Im just not intrested because they simply do not “float my boat”.
(If you want to judge me for being superficial go ahead) I can see the beauty in people but I cannot be with someone I dont find attractive….And by the way Im not talking about models or whatever just something different.
I digress….
On occasion Ive become intimate with these girls(the ones Im not particularly into) just so I can feel human and wanted for a night or a day….Afterwards I feel as if Ive done an horrific and horrible thing by betraying what I guess mustbe honest and true feeling for me(which of course we all need or we wouldnt be writing these things right?). I have tried on the advice of a very good friend to allow these relationships to evolve in the hopes that the girl in question will grow on me and we’d both find something we didnt know was there and guess what? It didnt happen and after a month I had to end it. She obviously didnt understand and how could I explain it to her anyway?
So in the hope of finding a little refuge from the things thateep me awake at night all Ive achieved is hurting someone who did not deserve it in any way shape or form.
So thats something else that keeps me awake at night and unsure if my motivations are right(do I really care for this person or am i looking for an escape?).