Crusader's reply history at Help.com

Yeah…this is really bad.

It’s been a little more than two weeks…I honestly can’t tell if this is working. I was actually in a very great mood today at work, so much so that people have noticed. However, I’ve been home now for at least 40 minutes and feel absolutely horrible. My roomates are in the living room while I’ve locked myself in my bedroom and flushed with very self-negative thoughts as if I had never taken these meds, and worse. I feel very depressed, I really can’t put it into other words. I have my first appointment with a psyche regarding meds on March 4, but that is ways away.

I appreciate that, thank you.

I don’t like feeling this way at all, it’s not who I am, and don’t like feeding into it. It makes sleeping very difficult. Paydays are Billdays. I try to talk to my friends, in fact…I came out about being Bi to them last week. They were all very cool with it, but I fear distance eminent.

Emperor Chickens- I’m not looking for intimacy. Just company…

Thank you guys. I feel it is my obligation to tell him, if he might be living with me, is that weird? I think it’s the right thing to do. He knows that I have been feeling very sad lately, and says that he would be there for anything, which I appreciate so much. He did open that venue for me to talk to him, but I don’t know if he’s prepared. This is new to me, I don’t know what reactions to expect in response.

To me, I feel normal and the same person who I am. But I don’t want to be viewed differently or be uncomfortable around.

The second was my closest friend on instant messenger. I told him I had something very personal and serious to talk about, and he was ready to hear it. I told him and he said that it doesn’t change who I am, followed by a 3. Amazing.

Despite this and feeling more relief, I still feel scared and feel that I need to prepare myself for lonliness. I’m scared that even this support may really result in less contact or communication with me.

I won’t tell me family, too scared right now, and don’t think I want to keep this open. Furthermore, I have a friend who I may be getting apartment with, but I need to tell him this which may make him not want to anymore.

Virgin, scared, confused. Any advice?

I found this, which I thought was well put and wanted to share;
http://help.com/post/183894-i-have-be…

[quote AmandaLynn]Do you want this? No. Then change it. You cant? Why? … you are sitting here fighting with your own self - trying to win over your emotional desires without using your mind. Is this mental devil really in your mind or is it more an “emotional devil”?? With our mind we reason, we think, we observe. With our emotions we feel, we desire, we long for, we hate, we love, we fear. I would say you have been mistaking your emotions for your mind for a good while now, and are trying to fix something that you are not even seeing clearly.

This “mental devil” is no mental devil at all… it is you. There is none within our own minds and hearts accept our own self and what we allow or do not allow in them. Many thoughts can present themselves to our minds door… and they do.. all day long. Some good, some bad, some fleeting, some observatory, some judgmental, some just ideas newly hatched… but thoughts come. And they all end up producing emotions within us. It is at that point that we can either let that emotion from that thought become part of our reality and identity … or… we use our minds filter to reason and dissern whether or not it is worthy to be allowed into our database of truth. It is up to us whether or not we allow those thoughts through the door of our mind to settle into our head and heart and take up resident there…and in time…

Thoughts become words,
Words become actions,
Actions become habbits,
Habbits become character,
Character becomes our destiny,

This would be a good process accept for the fact that many of us have shut off our minds and simply reason with our emotions. We let what we feel become what IS rather than take feelings and let our minds work with them to sort through them and filter them… using them in a way that is most profitable to us rather than let them have their way with us and do whatever and cause us to believe whatever. Thats careless, reckless, and immature.

And those tiny thoughts we allowed in to dwell on become us over time through this process. We are in control - and we allow ourselves to become whatever we allow ourselves to become. You have not lost control of your life or yourself - you simply have developed a way of life, a way of seeing life, a way of seeing yourself, and have likely established habbits of reaction rather than proaction. And to have life habbits established and desire to change them, but yet allow your emotions to have the final say in decisions - is like chasing an invisiable rabbit.

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE - you may not be able to, because our circumstances are not always dependent on us, and life is made up of more persons than just us.

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOURSELF - then just do it. YOu are in control of you.[/quote]

Accept them for who they are or what they do? Never for a moment in my head did I think to myself, “I don’t know how much longer I can take this.” I think, what can I do to be their best friend and express my love accordingly?

Are you a student? I highly recommend checking with your academy teach for some cool jobs. For example, the airport would be amazing. Check for student summer jobs.

First thing I would do is get a solid job. How old are you? Don’t let the consequences of life deter you from any application. You need to pay your debts, legitimately and it will take time, but these are trials that we are learning from and will make us stronger. It is stressful, and I’m sorry about that, but gotta understand that we have to resolve them, not bandage them. (Don’t solve it by getting another loan for example, that may make things worse.)

Dualexaus my friend, like me, I think you’re at a fork in your life. I know how you feel in that a year ago I was up all night with unhappy feelings, and slept each day away. You need to find what will make you happier, and if you do know, you need to do that. Like what I have started doing not long at all ago, it’s time to grow up and see the world for what it really is. It won’t always be bright, but it will make us stronger. It’s much better, I think, than bathing in cold thoughts. That’s a sum of my pending post.

And so what we’re virgins? We’re young, and depressed to find a fulfilling relationship right now. And by the way, I’m glad you want to be a doctor, but before we can help others we need to first help ourselves. Do you agree?

My post is pending an approval…lame.

I do know, nearly a year ago I stopped going to school, work, and talking to anyone. I stuck myself in my apartment, up the entire night with haunted feelings, and asleep through the entire day. What would make you happier? School is going to stay the suck until we are able to strengthen ourselves enough to pursue it.

For example, if moving out would make you happier, why not take a break for a term, get a full time job, and get your own place? And I mean you’re OWN place, not like school campus. That is a great achievement. It was so hard for me to get on my own, though I had no choice then, it feels good to know that I’ve broken from that umbilica and becoming my own man.

Also, I have made many great new friends through my work. Steady friends and a smaller crowed, not overwhelming with thousands of faces like a campus.

Is that what you really want or someone telling you to do that? For me, while school is very important, it fell apart for me (I’m 21). I plan to go back to school, but that is difficult to focus on until I get my **** together and feel settled. So, that’s why I dropped everything, moved to a whole new state, and landed on a company that I always wanted to work for and climbing up the ladder. I need to set my priorities and achieve them before going on to the next. Take it one step at a time.

I feel the same way, I just made a similar post, and we seem to have a lot in common. A way that I coped was to follow a dream, by dropping everything and making a drastic change. I don’t regret it, and while I feel that way, it’s a lot better now. Do you have a dream? I hope there is someone here who can lend some wisdom to us both.