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• (1 vote) I need adult opinions.
  

  Let me ask you a question regarding this matter.
  
  “what would you tell your dearest girlfriend if you watched her getting into a situation like this and you could see the whole picture?”
  
  I was single for nearly ten years, by choice, after having to break away from my own perceived needs from a relationship. This was after a disaster, a relationship try. During this time i looked back at all my relationships (too many of them) finding the common issues, these i wrote down to read a little later.
  Within this process (along with doing further studies). I became aware of my NEED to have “A happy family”. You know it, the white picket fence, wife, two kids and a cat etc…
  
  It was around this time I had a revelation, a memory of what my mother once said to me.
  “You should marry your best friend”
  At the time I was aghast… My best friend, was a boy :-)
  
  It is at my stage of life now, I appreciate the “best friend” mention and understand what it meant.
  
  If you cant be NATURALLY best (true) friends, then you are always looking for ways to change the other party to your natural expectations.
  
  Good luck and good healing. May your understanding be life changing.
  
  - written 1 year, 2 months ago – voted for by Left

Last 5 Replies – All 21 replies »

• suffering from depression and opiate mental withdrawels, feal empty no drive left, hit bottom, how do i get up and just start life?
  

  Hey airmanfirs,
  
  So what are “you” doing about your “lack” of money? How about spend it on getting your brain (naturaly) re-ballenced.
  
  So just how physically able are you? How about putting it out there :-)
  - written 6 months ago

• Ok, this is more of a rant that anything else.
  

  How is your boyfriend accecpted by your brothers?
  Being thay have their lives at a perticular leval, and one would assume expectations about ones age.
  
  The next thing is what you told him that got your mother so upset ( was it what she thought should stay private )
  
  How long have you been with him? and, how much do you know his life ( as he knows yours )
  
  To give you maybe a little encouragement here, I will tell you of my own mother and stepfather. There is 27+ yrs age difference ( him being the younger ) to put this into a frame, I am one of 5 siblings and he is (in age) younger than 4. They have been married for 20+yrs and I would have to say now, I have dreamed of finding a relationship as good.
  So as for the age difference, I don’t see that as a natural problem. It all boils down to caricture and getting on with others. If he is an openly honest man and you are his ballence, then what is the problem caused for you?
  
  Is it you would rather share your mother and issues more with your siblings? Do you feel a burden?
  - written 6 months, 3 weeks ago

• Ok, this is more of a rant that anything else.
  

  That’s interesting. You have made what I see as two separate issues into one.
  maybe you could do yourself a big favor and break it all down.
  How old is your boyfriend and what was the age differences between your parents, also, between your siblings?
  With your mother;
  She will be in a hyper-sensitive state, towards any inclination, of what she now perceives as negative behavior. She will be more likely to point out a possible mistake over letting you just make your own.
  Also if there are money issues involved, it can be easier to tackle them as a business.
  IE… you wouldn’t intentionally run your business broke?
  - written 6 months, 3 weeks ago

• My world fell apart 4 years ago when my ex left me and my 3 boys for another woman(after having 8 affairs).
  

  You seem to be determined to discount the possibilities that others advice may be offering you…
  
  I do understand all to well the depth of the hole we can feel around ourselves and the reluctance to see the possibilities available. As I myself had spent many years in a similar situation.
  
  If you re-read my last reply to you, at no time was there any inclination that you should just “get over it” nor that your issues are any less important than any others.
  
  As you are not a fan of “taking medical drugs” the natural health products I have suggested for you to find out about are only to help re-balance your system (a step in the right direction, not a cure all).
  
  I can only speak from personal experience and that of others whom I have worked with and studied. This has given me an understanding that anything is possible in this life. I will admit to not believing it until well into my own recovery and the further studies I then completed.
  
  It was so very much worth it, at this age/time of my life I can appreciate my journey/life-path. And most of all, I choose to see the good in each and every day.
  - written 1 year ago

• My world fell apart 4 years ago when my ex left me and my 3 boys for another woman(after having 8 affairs).
  

  To end it all: That was one option I contemplated on a lot more than just the emotional issues I felt, also the inability to physically look after myself. (I do realize these are different circumstances and worlds apart) To give you and all who are reading these words of mine a more complete picture, I had broken my back in 5 places and have 7 ruptured disks. This accident happened 30 yrs ago and was “never” picked up by the doctors/hospitals over here. I was 15 yrs old. I have spent the better part of my life on a wide range of drugs, treated for mental health issues (it was all in my head) and had 2 failed marriages. To many jobs to count and times on welfare. It was only near the end of last year when I was in a position to pay for an MRI myself (having been refused one medically for many years) that I found out I wasn’t nuts and believe me did I get angry (then numb). As I know you can appreciate, the feeling that I was crazy became (over the years) my base line. All thinking and emotional reactions to events was therefor based on a “wrong thinking concept”. (an interesting point) A hell of a lot of “friends & family” got simply sick and tired of it/me over the years, leaving me feeling very alone/worthless at times. The most interesting point was when they all saw the “FACTUAL TRUTH” for themselves, it was lots of sorry and what are you going to do about it. Then they pretty much all drifted away to a point of very little contact now. And do you know what, that’s all okay with me. I know the truth, my truth (even including my own worst bits) and I’m no longer afraid of the future.
  Just like you have (no matter how ****** it got or how bad it may appear future wise) I survived!! And, I finally got it…. the one big message that I had been missing all those years. ((((My life can/will be whatever I choose to make it))))
  My first mission to myself was to get 100% self honesty going, and check out what i was believing in. And guess what, I now have a Lady in my life who 100% gets it all/me. Now that sort of makes all I have been through worth the journey. There is always another chapter beginning, a choice of direction you can take.
  I think a good first one to make is…. get you body balanced, which will help your head/mind balance itself out.
  Have a read on two products (totally healthy and natural) Omega3 & CAA. The information can be found at the website healthhouse.co.nz
  In fact the owner there is so worth asking questions of…
  So please have a look at these products and how they will help you, and do let me know what you find out…
  Till I hear back from you, take care and always remember this…. We are never as alone as we imagine we are.
  - written 1 year ago

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Love, friends, life, depression, question, happiness, 40s, care, girl, boyfriend, Stupidity, school, Year, afraid, Pain and nociception, Adoption, hit, hang, gay, Battle, Neck, met, Fairy, drive, jess