catherinetodd's reply history at Help.com

askdjgsajd: I hope you can find someone to talk to about this problem; it’s much more common than you think. The main thing is not to blame yourself. See if there is something you can change to help stop fighting with your brother, but you can’t change everything by yourself. Is there a teacher that you can talk to? Another relative? A friend’s mother? Try to find SOMEONE who can help you see your way clear. Families can be really difficult at times, and it’s hard to go it alone. I hope other people respond to you here, or you find another website with active discussions.

Be sure to follow up here to let us know how you are doing… Yours, Catherine Todd

Dear JeanieRic,

Thank you for your story and such a good reminder that how we live, not who we live with, is really what counts. I had no idea that some people were “alienated by association” when they had done nothing to deserve this. My son was treated this way.

You wrote “Never give up, find happiness in life and realize you are able to rise above the situation by being a good person, doing good deeds and being a true friend to others worthy of it.”

I am going too re-read this on a daily basis to have a good start to the day. Thanks for finding this site! CT

I know how you feel; my son doesn’t speak to me either. Friends are “not the same” but my immediate family is so awful I can’t visit them. I’ve started visiting more distant relatives and found some really nice ones, so I am not feeling so alone. I hope you can find some people to visit with during the holidays; when i couldn’t, I volunteered at the Homeless Shelter and they were very glad to have any company at all! So find someone who would welcome you; I’m sure they are out there. Don’t let yourself get mired in the dumps. And I have been “learning how to pray.” I ask God to help resolve this conflict with my family and with my son, and I ask God to forgive them since I can’t do it myself. Then I ask God to “show me the way.” That is my little prayer.

This is the one thing that seems to make all the difference in the world. Hope this helps… and I hope you can share some good holiday feelings with your friends and with those who would be happy and grateful for your presence. CT

adamteete: Some people, even people in families, are just mean. I don’t know why. It sounds like you are growing up in the same house I grew up in! If there is nothing you can do, get a job and leave as soon as you are legally able to. In the mean time, is there a relative or teacher or friend’s house you can spend most of your time at?

That is what I did, and I joined the swim team while I was in school. I was at swim practice almost all the time (besides when I was in school) and our team made it to the National Championships… Junior Olympics! All because I had a mean family which drove me to EXCELLENCE! Don’t let them get you down.

Do your school work and your chores and find a hobby to get into and ignore the mean things and pray - pray - pray that someday God will change their hearts and God will always look out for you. You have a guardian angel looking over your shoulder; we all do, and our angels are always there for us. They can’t change the way humans act, but they can give us comfort and guidance when we need it most. Just like you have many angels looking out for you right here on this website.

Keep in touch, and don’t let them get you down!

To post your email without it being deleted, I use the word “at” and “dot” instead of the symbol. I’ll test it here to see if it works with my own email: ctodd1000 (at) gmail (dot) com.

Hope you are getting some help. tmarie19 had some great advice. Hope you can reach her, too. Yours, Catherine Todd

I noticed animalchic had a great quote on another post:

“everything gets better in the end and if its not better its not the end so keep going”

Wow. Food for thought. I’m going to keep this one!

animalchic wrote: “I know how you feel I really do, and it hurts, doesn’t it? It’s like being stabbed repeatedly then just laying there helplessly…”

Thank you. This is the best description of what it actually feels like, to be hated by your family. It’s easy enough to say “you have to get out of there, just leave” and you do, but being “stabbed over and over” with words is the thing that hurts all your life. You can forget a bruise a lot easier than you can the words that come from words. They have a lasting effect until we gain those elusive qualities of acceptance and forgiveness. I am working on this still, and really trying hard to “put it in God’s Hands” and learn how to pray. I want to learn how to love, and how to forgive, after I learn how to take care of myself. I got the money / survival part down, now it’s healing the emotional wounds that count. That’s the most important part of all, for all of us.

I am 58 years old and left home at age 16. I went to court to become an emancipated minor, and won my freedom - and more than forty years later, I am still trying to get over it! Anyone with any ideas will be most appreciated! Your friend, Catherine Todd, i> small>(email removed) /small> /i>