Vyki's reply history at Help.com

Well 3 is more than most so you must be doing something right. Sooner or later you will find a place where you feel settled and content with yourself. I have to go now but I will be around tomorrow. Look after yourself B, you’re worth it. x

Unfortunately though I know the answer. I have been where you are B, it wasn’t all the same and I don’t know what you are feeling but I had to go through so much pain to get to where I am today but it was all worth it. Every tear, every time I hated myself for going backwards it was all part of the process. I just wish I had gotten help earlier and that I had had people care about me enough to be there with me. Don’t get me wrong, I still slip back sometimes but I know that I can be happy now so I keep myself going.
You have a family who love you and you have friends, you have a good brain and you are going to get where you want to be.
Oh and you have the random stranger on the internet that is never going to stop caring :)

It is scary, just try not to get any closer. I check my emails every day so if you ever feel like it is too much just say and I will do whatever I can. It sounds strange as well but sometimes you have to fee worse before you can feel better

Then I will have to look for it for you. You can’t give up without a fight, a really massive kick *** fight. If you look at it, you can’t be as close to the edge as you think or you wouldn’t care if everybody knew all about you, but you do, because you want to keep going and you know it will improve eventually.

Well I am screaming (ok not literally that would just make me some kind of nutter) and maybe sometimes you have to go out and look for the thing to bring you back

“I think it’s different for everybody, and can’t be put into words or described or even seen, but there will come a time when you are inches away from giving up, and there will be something screaming at you not to. And you will listen, and although things won’t change immediately, something will happen that will bring you away from the edge, and back onto safe land.”
Do you know who said that?

Well I think you can be helped, in fact I know you can. You are a lovely girl and very mature. You just need something to help you get through this. Hmm remembering something somebody wrote…

I’m sorry, I know I’m pushing and I’ll stop. I just know how bad it feels to keep everything in and how much it ruins everything else.
Don’t think too much before you answer this, don’t worry about me or anything else but is there anything that I can do that will help you? I stopped emailing so much because I didn’t want you to think I was watching over you but I will do anything I can to help.

But if that danger is self harm and suicidal thoughts isnt it best that your parents do know?

Can you arrange a private counsellor through your doctor?

You need to tell somebody though if it is overwhelming you, you cant be expected to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Your counsellor is safe, she cant tell people or force you to do anything.

Oh B I am so sorry I didn’t see this post. You can’t give up, you really are doing well! If you really feel this bad that you are seriously thinking of ways out why not try spilling everything to your friend, your mum and most importantly your counsellor. Its got to be more helpful than planning ways to die. You can talk to me, you can tell me anything anytime just don’t give up. If you want help reaching your goals I can try to help and if I can’t there will be others that can.
I thought you had told your mum about your self harm so she should be watching you anyway?
V x

Mine took a few weeks but I used germolene and that cleared it up faster. Just dont change it again

Its not pathetic at all and I think what you are doing is a brilliant idea.

OK scan your email then open it :)