What hits me hard is ‘God to you is a magically wonderful personal thing. To me it is someone else’s dangerous delusion, and one I never had the luxury to engage in.’
I can understand that, from pain, you cannot accept that. I respect that. And it is not my work (or within my powers) to convince people about God. I have newly discovered this dimension of God.
And yes, I too do not (usually) force people to talk to me. I let the person tell me when they feel comfortable. If that happens.
How did I come here? It was work pressure that made me randomly type ‘help’ on the browser. I do also have personal issues in life that have made me lonely, sore and question why the wait and why the pain. I’m still figuring things out. It used to be through secular self-help, new age, Law of Attraction, Louise Hay, subconscious mind, Silva Mind control, mirror gazing or other meditation techniques. None worked long enough.
Still figuring things out, in the process, I have rejected some of these tools for helping myself. Though it helps counsel people.
Thankyou for sharing that, I can see see you are good person. I don’t think you can understand just how different my situation is, and also how differently an atheist sees the world - but i can see you are trying to help me, and that sinks in.
Its was parents who neglected me, it was church leaders who hit me and ridiculed me, and this fellow was nearing puberty - where as I was 4 -11. Also, It was me initiating the crossing of boundaries in an effort to have any sort of relationship with people, as it was all I knew. I sucked, and people never knew how much it sucked.
God to you is a magically wonderful personal thing. To me it is someone else’s dangerous delusion, and one I never had the luxury to engage in.
God told him to talk to this person? An abused person can tell another abused person - it’s pretty obvious. I reach out to abused people on this forum all the time, but you don’t need to put it into words - wait for them to share if they want.
And yourself random, how has your journey lead you hear?
Chunky, I thought of you when I went to a Youth Seminar last night.
The pastor (a very young man called Peter Young, 30 years of age), was s3xually abused by a Bible school teacher in South Africa, when he was 13 years of age. He was/is a pastor’s kid.
He was a rather small child and was already being bullied all the time in school. He first blamed himself for it. And no one knew what he had gone through. Because in church people saw him as the pastor’s son, gifted in prophesying (he is gifted there), and a worship leader - but this shame and ‘must have been my fault’ plagued him for years.
He tried taking his life once with chloroform, but that failed. Then as he prayed, he heard God telling him to go and talk to pastor Bruce (real name, I’m not making up aliases - these are exactly as he shared last night) about it.
He braved it and asked to meet the pastor the next morning. Pastor Bruce agreed. While driving (at age 17 or something) to the pastor’s house he reflected why God asked him to go to that particular pastor.
It turns out that pastor had been abused the very same way by someone and he knew exactly what pain, shame and turmoil goes in the mind of a person who has suffered such abuse.
The pastor told him to forgive the man (Peter didn’t want to) and tell his parents about *everything* to initiate the healing. Peter said that talk was the *most* difficult thing he has ever done in his life at age 17/18. And he was touched by how much love with which his parents reacted for him and how shattered they were that their son had to undergo such unfair pain.
But he said that this released healing and anointing in his life like never before.
I am grateful that he shared his testimony with us, so we know healing is possible. I think your next thought would be ‘Did he honestly forgive that man?’ I guess I was caught up with my own concerns. Because he mentioned that as a result of that, his mind got perverted to thoughts of s3x. He indulged in p0rn and such things. Thank God, it ended within 6 months.
And when he called upon the youth to come to the front of the stage and kneel so he and his team could minister to those struggling with p0rn and unforgiveness, I was there first. I had succumbed to p0rn recently again. After keeping clean for about 1.5-2 years.
I think confession to a real genuine man of God (non-judgmental, someone who accepts you as repentant and - more importantly - one from whom you can feel/see the love of God will help.)
From what I gathered from some of your past posts/replies, I believe you have been traumatized similarly. I wanted to share this with you, hoping you would get that there is a Spirit of God that can heal you more than you want to be healed. But God does not force Himself on anyone. That is why I am urging you to try and get a pastor who can help you heal from what past is still impacting you now.
I believe you deserve to be free. Just as you do.
And while sharing this, pastor Peter gave the mike to another person, a man from India, whose is in the worship ministry. That man, 30 years old now, was s3xually abused in a Bible college (in Pune, India, my current city) at age 6 by a guy who was 5 years old. This shocked me. Like it would shock anyone. But ever since he also confessed this to a man of God (Peter, who surely understood it)- in the last 6 months his ministry has become so alive and he has come alive too. (Yes, confessing this to his now wife about such a past was very difficult, but he has taken that step. Too.)
And we were blessed as they shared their trauma. And these are men victimized long back, and are now healed (or in the process of it) - and their ministry is benefiting from this - be blessing people like us/me.
I do not have any more prescription for you. Because this is a rather sensitive topic and I know you will have to wrestle with a lot of pain that refuses to leave and your last post/reply on some pain that refuses to leave is very real. And I can relate to it, in my way.
But whatever happens as a result of this shout, I hope you find your healing and deliverance.
That came out all wrong. I was trying to say that just sometimes a happy birthday feels like just something to say. Guess its still nice, but when you take the time to write out a little poem thing, well, yeah. Cheers