♥ tiffany.'s shoutbox - Help.com

tiff,
how you been?

you OK?

“Everyone around here seems to wake up in a bad mood and go to sleep with an even worse one ..Same thing, day after day.”

No wonder you reached your breaking point.

“but singing for 20-30 minutes? I honestly just don’t see the point. I want to learn, not sing.”

hahahaha yea

“How has your day been?”

Let me detail a bit…its long tiff…

Well I went to wal mart, Sams Club and then to the Supermarket. Got back home like at 7pm, took a shower, made myself something to eat and stayed for a while at my grandmas watching the Tampa Bay/Red Sox game, my uncle (her brother) was here also.
Me and my uncle (hes like 76) usually start talking about life experiences, how women/men usually are nowadays, how things have changed and how much lack of respect and moral can be seen. I enjoy listening to him, I consider him to be a wise man (eventhough he aint no saint - even he says it), very articulate too.

On the other hand…all was OK until I had a pretty messed up experience today cause I saw someone I havent seen in a while but she apparently didnt see me (IGNORED ME), she was driving and her “man’ was on the passenger seat, i was to cross right in front of them (ALONE) in walmarts parking lot. So im positive she must have saw me.

Basically, she gave me a very unexpected attitude when I called her a while after since I dont have her # on my cel (because I previously erased it). I called as Unknown Caller knowing she would answer (women are generally curious), she answered …i said hey whats up? how are you (I was happy to hear her)? and she was like who’s this (semi-pissed) Im what? you dont know? (I couldnt believe she didnt recognize my voice!) she keeps on saying the same thing so I say my name, identify myself (cause I noticed her anger) and she says sorry wrong number and boom! hangs up right in the middle of me saying something. I was shocked and felt disrespected, being the way I am with people I NEVER expected that from her. I guess the “unknown caller” mini prank was too much for her.

I called again, she knew it was me, did not answer! called one more time to leave her a voice mail message to try and clear things a little saying the reason I was calling (that I saw her and wanted to know how she was but that now apparently she doesnt remember me but that it was OK and to be safe).

Then I texted her some final honest feelings, I said: Wow, You acting like a stuck up w/me now? as you know, “bi*chy aint my s*it” (reffering to the way she answered) and saying that I was positive she saw me, where i saw her and that I just wanted to know if everything was OK.

Thats it.

I went on to pay my groceries, cause I thought she wasnt going to answer (she hardly ever does).
She texted back saying that she didnt see me and that I shouldve called her before to ask and that Im the stuck up.

WTF?!
I texted her a laugh and asked if she was mad. I also said: “you know you dont answer my calls, you do that plus i had to get your # from a cel phone bill.”

She texts back a “Negative bye” as she put it, and I finally texted “You negative? (Is that it?) I wouldve loved to chat with you but I see where you stand. Its OK though. I hope you and your kids are fine. Take care.”

BTW, we were never bf/gf. Nor had any type of “romantic relationship”. She was someone I did like though. Hearing form her what she has gone thru I always just wanted to be a true friend.

Thats it tiffany. That s*it messed me up because I never did anything to her to deserve that crap, I was always a helping hand to her, listened to her, tried to always lift her spirits when she called me, and just be an honest friend (always told her what I saw/thought), she even put her kids on the phone so I could talk to them at times, BUT…apparently thats the crap i get as payback. Thats what got me tiffany. I couldnt belive it.

She does have a lot of drama and baggage in her life though, 23y/o,
that “man” she’s w/is an abusive SOB and I got sad when I started to see she went back w/him (even though she accused him and all), thats why I initially distanced myself. she has 2 kids from a previous relationship and one w/the SOB. The oldest is like 5.
What can I say, I was hurt.

Besides that, Im getting OK again. I had to vent this, it disturbed my sleep. Im going back to bed now.

Thank you, and yes Im the “Long Shout Champ!”

What do you think?
I was thinking of calling her up again but my mind tells me to forget about it. Its not worth the hurt and that if she was interested in keeping a friendship or something she would’ve called me like she used to at times.

Was your day like this all the time?
How was church?

Basically, yes. Everyone around here seems to wake up in a bad mood and go to sleep with an even worse one ..Same thing, day after day.
Church was okay, but I feel sort of guilty because I didn’t enjoy it as much as I used to. I love learning about the Bible and about God, but singing for 20-30 minutes? I honestly just don’t see the point. I want to learn, not sing.

How has your day been?

“He used to be a pastor.”

=O

“No. But they have hit Pedro before. I can’t believe them moving in has even became hazardous to my pets!”

Sad tiffany. What you are living is not good for you right now. You have no “tiffany alone peace time” which is necessary.

“For the most part, yes…Might as well enjoy it while I can (or at least try.)”

Damn right.

Was your day like this all the time?
How was church?

“It just kind of bothered me when they sort of got “comfortable” with living here. I only expected them to live here maybe 3 or 4 months; Now it’s been 6 and they are still here *and* planning on staying until next year.”

Damn.
I understand your feelings, its OK to feel how you feel.
I cant believe your sisters husband attitude (and your sister acting oblivious). Shame on him. If they keep on like this, its gonna get worse. Your dad has to be xtra careful w/his health, too much stress! I cant imagine all the commotion going on.

“My sister’s husband was just yelling. My niece made him upset and he (in my opinion) didn’t disipline her correctly….When they get screamed at, it kills me. I hate it.”

I hate it too.
I think your sister and her husband are in the “i dont care anymore” state. How dare he be yelling around a house thats not his + having the face of living off your parents when he’s supposed to care for his own. I feel sorry for the kids (and you too!)

“And he hit my dog.”

WHAT?!
How dare he!
Was it Pedro?!

“Have you ever watched “Super Size Me”, though? It’s a movie about some guy eating McDonalds for 1 month straight, 3x daily. It was pretty crazy. “

Yea, it effected his system, he became addicted.
I can go w/the McNuggets 4eva!

Whats the status on the house? all calm now tiffany?

Yes, speak to me honestly.
Was it always like this? …its weird you never mentioned it that way (mental breakdown) and suddenly blew up..what happened today? anything specific? or was it the “adding up” of all these days?

McNuggets + Sweet and Sour sauce = “Awesomeness.”
Whoever said McD’s is crap in your post…I will agree partially.

Dont worry about my shout tiff.

I understand.
How are you now?

Damn.
Are the kids asleep now?

Whats up tiff..

“but the outside looks like a house. ..Or at least they do here, lol.”

Yea..Im familiar with what you say, but here what you see is two separate houses. One on top of the other lol

In response to your second and third paragraph…
I hope you aint saying 30 is not old seriously cause I dont feel almost thirty…heck I had times where I forgot for a sec I was 29 hahaha…
Yes you are right. (I dont like pubs, bars, neither. I have gone to them before graduating from college, but never felt the hang of it). I do go around as you say (mall, sometimes to the park, movies, drive around etc,…hell, my job requires me to go to the post office almost everyday or pick up documents at other offices….I know its me, the “motivation”, thats why I know I have to keep on working on my depressive episodes…to tell you the truth I sometimes think (when I see a seemingly nice looking girl) that “she’s probably not laid back as I am” (meaning: shes gonna want to be going out to clubs, bars, pubs, almost every weekend) or shes gonna give me the same type of unconsiderate crap my last relationship gave. I think I know what I want, so Im expecting to find someone that knows what she wants.
BTW, Im more into movies, chill at one’s or the others house/family, park, walks, maybe beaches, more “quality time” oriented,…that type.

I wouldn’t think you are the opposite of smart tiffany…I think you are intelligent, rational, at least thats the impression I got from you. Funny too.

“I just have nobody to talk to in person, so online I feel I have to ask for advice; Otherwise I’d just keep everything inside and that’d make all my problems worse.”

I can relate to what you say.
Helping around online helps me. Nobody in my family knows the details of my issues but they do know my feelings. I do walk my talk by the way tiffany, I dont like to give advices I dont follow.

Sleepy at church?

You’re cool, take care.
Thanks again.

tiffany wrote:
“How often do you have friends and family over? “

No problem seeing family members.We all are a very united/keep in touch type family. 2 of my sisters live out of state and my older sister lives in another town.
One of my sisters lives like 4 houses away.
My mother keeps in touch too, and usually comes by on weekends to check on my grandmother which basically lives in the house beneath mine = (Its a 2 house 1 house, I dont know if you understand lol -I live in a 3bedroom /1bathr. apt. which would be sort of like on the roof of a 3 bedroom /2bathr. house *where my grandmother lives*). I pay rent for the upper house/apt, and see my grandmother basically everyday. Sometimes my uncle (grandma’s brother) comes by and I see him too.

tiffany wrote:
“Are you upset that you’re going to be 30?”

I think so,
That stupid mental crisis got me for weeks.
Why? Because I expected to be atleast married maybe w/kids by this age. Aside from the fact that its hard to find a better job. Thats what I referred to before as “my life is: -Not as I would like.” But I cant complain much.
BTW, I dont look 29. I look 25-26ish. (as told by people that never knew my age beforehand) which I find good. I’ll most likely send you a pic one day so you can judge for yourself and see that Im not the Help.com robot.

tiffany wrote:
“How about at work? You don’t have anyone there that you’d want to hang out with and befriend?”

Yes, there’s only one person I can consider a friend as in “someone physically close that I can count on”. Thing is he has his “kids-marriage situations to deal with” life, and Im not into taking people out of their routines. He’s the only one I can trust in advice seeking and stuff, he helped me a lot on my last relationship. We dont hang out because I dont feel like it. His style is more outgoing than mine, Im more laid back, chill, smile and talk here and there. He’s more watch football games at a pub, have drinks (I dont drink nor smoke).

I have another friend which gets concerned at times w/my depressive episodes and calls me once in a while, married, wife is a great person too they live in NJ.
Im basically friendless. Ha!

tiffany wrote:
“.but having no motivation to even get up makes that a real challange. “

You hit the mark.

tiffany wrote:
“BTW, I know I’m probably not much on giving advice or helping ..but I am good at listening if you ever have anything you need to talk about.”

Ive seen advices you have replied in posts. Not bad, logical. Its weird for me to be on the “listened to” side, Im more used to being the one who listens and tries to give rational points of view on things (so you just made me feel “weird” lol but in a good sense, of course).

Thanks tiffany, for taking the time to read and reply. Its always good to hear from you. I’ll be listening too.

tiffany wrote:
How’s life been going for you?

Let me tell you this in like a few short sentences…
-Not as I would like.
-I’m my worst critic.
-Being alone in a 3 room apt. is not fun.
-Bday coming up in like 2 and a half weeks and Im not liking it.
-Having practically no friends sucks.
-I feel empty.
-and a couple more things…but dont worry.

All this makes me walk the path of the “mild depressive” state of mind. (Which Im hoping to defeat with trying to get into my “excersise and try to ignore the negatives” routine again…which I started a few days ago.)

Im not a fan of my problems tiff, I hate them. Most are emotional unjust things my mind likes to make me remember. I know that I have to pull the strength out of my a** to find the courage to try and change the course my life, but you know what….it’s easy for some and super hard for others.
I cant complain much, I owe no one (except apt. and cellphone payments) and live solo.

How about you…?
You OK today tiffany?

tiff wrote:
“Being with him *really* is enough to make me happy ..not fancy dinners or something. “

I can relate.
I was referring more to walks, parks,…but yea…movies and stuff is good. I agree, no need to be expensive.

tiff wrote:
“And surprise, surprise. ..Tonight, he mentioned the engagement. Completely on his own, out of nowhere.”

Finally. Good thing you used your chance to bring up your concern in a respectful casual matter. Perfect. Im actually happy for you.

I hope you are feeling better and start taking those “baby steps” I told you about like 2 of my replies ago.

My last advice would be to try and always express your concerns not mattering how “stupid” to you they may seem. Always let him know, if he truly loves you, he’ll always understand where you’re coming from.

Well I guess this case is closed for now

If I can help you in anything else let me know, I’ll be glad to.
I’ll be around.

Cool new avatar, BTW.

tiffany wrote:
“Actually, I’m proud of the fact that now he’s willing to discuss arguments 14,589 times until we figure them out, instead of getting annoyed like he used to.”

Good. I hope he satys that way. Its a great way of dealing w/stuff.

tiffany wrote:
“Being around people like that isn’t an excuse for me to complain and act mean, but it’s actually hard to *not do* when I don’t even realize I’m acting that way most of the time.”

Understandable. Im happy you are mature enough to realize your behaviour and do something about it. Thats a nice quality you have there.

tiffany wrote:
“I don’t mean to complain (even more), but sharing a house with 6 other people really blows. Kids are always screaming or someone is always yelling. Constantly. There is never any peace and quiet; Never any privicy. I almost can’t take it sometimes.”

lol
You need pampering Miss. And yes tiffany, I am aware of who is living in your house. To tell you the truth, I am in the total opposite (I live alone). Its one heck of status your house is in right now. Im assuming its a temporary thing, and its good you don’t desperately find bad ways to escape your situation, I mean,…im reading and I thought “you are very patient, you don’t go and drink out nor drug up your problems,…” and that says something about you. Something good.

tiffany wrote:
“I don’t really think so? It’s like this with everything. I’ll get mad if he isn’t cuddling enough or if he isn’t here exactly on time. I think a lot of times I just take all my stress/anxiety/etc. out on him. “

I see that as “you baby cute” lol
Seriously Tiffany….(….*im still laughing a lil bit*….) my bad…sorry, …wait….
OK…look, you are a baby… but not in a bad way, I find that oddly cute.
Now, its like I have told you before, you are that way (cuddly, on time, etc…) you are expecting to get what you give (I assume) I am like that, the only difference between me and you is that I learn to not expect back (its super hard though). Doesn’t he take you out frequently?
There are people like you, but the thing is that you are in a relationship w/someone that you might have already noticed is not like you in that sense.
This made me ask…how long have you been feeling this? Has it been always like this or recently?

tiffany wrote:
“I don’t think me disliking who I am really even has anything to do with him at all.”

That statement denotes self value. I hope you really believe that.
Correct way of thinking.

tiffany wrote:
“I failed in doing every one of those things.I feel like, inside, I’m not really that good of a person, especially towards him. I treat people like crap.”

I find it a little surprising you telling me that.
Im sure you know you dont just read a passage in the Bible and suddenly you can do it, it takes time, it takes acceptance, commitment and understanding within yourself. The same goes when trying to modify a self behaviour (see Im not saying “changing the way you are”), it will depend on certain circumstances though.
To some it takes years, never forget you are human tiffany.
What you are living are learning experiences, I won’t tell you “Oh, just grow up already” cause we all are still growing up, its a process (other people just don’t care). I think you have certain rights to feel the way you sometimes feel.

On the other side, Im limited in what I can say here because I dont hang out with you. Im not in physical/personal contact with you nor your surroundings…in other words I havent seen your behaviours or how you react to situations w/my own eyes.

I can tell you however, that you have not verbally demonstrated being an unlikeable person in all these conversations I have had w/you. You dont seem to be the classic “stuck up bi*ch”. Im basing my opinion on everything you have told me, your current status (bf/house/feelings/situations you have faced/etc), and even your grammar.

tiffany wrote:
“So, stupidly, I asked why he was being so sweet. Okay, WTF. I just don’t know when to stop. I always seem to ruin moments like that. Why couldn’t I just be happy that he missed me and was trying to be romantic ..instead of thinking he was up to something?”

You make me laugh tiffany lol. Ruined? maybe. I imagined the whole scenario while i was reading, imagined you asking him with gestures and all. Let me clear up that Im not making fun of you.
OK,
You definetly dont fully trust him tiffany. Thats what I see. He was one way before, and you are not used to seeing the way he is now. Either he’s doing a messed up job about it or its being hard for you living with it (this whole transition of all what has happened up until present day).
It must be hard. Wow.
I ask you…
-What did he respond when you asked him?
-Was he eventually up to something?

tiffany wrote:
“getting upset for no reason or a stupid reason, yelling, etc.”

OK, we need to see how “stupid” to you these things are, tiffany.
Are they really “stupid” as you say or are the reasons behind your behaviour important to you?
Let me know.
I ask because what to me may seem “stupid” may seem “important” to you…its relative,
its like a related saying goes “one mans trash is another mans treasure”, get what I mean?

tiffany wrote:
“Or at least it was until now.”

Are you blaming yourself?

tiffany wrote:
“I know that having 4 other people move into our house has made me worse. Now, I’m constantly stressed and I know I desperately need a job ..but I don’t even have any motivation to do it. I hate getting up in the morning.”

Your surroundings have a huge effect on your own personal issues. Thats totally understandable and clear to me. Its normal you feel that way. We just have to find a way to minimize the effect.

No question is stupid to me tiffany.
My intentions are to help you out in what I can.

tiffany wrote:
“So, what if he really just made that story up so that he’d have more time to really determine if he wanted to marry me?”

OK…this has to be causing you some anxiety sometimes.
Maybe, and maybe not tiff. Only he knows. What I think is either:
-He doesnt have the money to get new ones (in which case, I personally dont think you need super expensive stuff here)
-Is not a priority to him getting them right now nor dealing with engagement. (as it is a priority to you)
-Maybe he lied and what you said.

Only he truly knows tiffany.
Bring it up one day, tell him your concern and put a date (year range) for the wedding.
One of the things you may do is make it clear in a subtle way that you will not live w/him until you are married.
I wouldn’t live w/ a gf Im not married with, but thats me and my personal beliefs.

Ever considered proposing to him?

tiffany wrote:
“But then again, how can I be upset…when at the time, I was reconsidering my feelings towards marriage as well. (I knew I wanted to marry him, I just thought we should wait because we were fighting so much.)”

You could be upset if he lied, and you had the right to feel the way you felt because he was not being clear with you and hid some things that effected you. To me you thought well. You had enough, you were being pretty rational under so much emotion, you were protecting your heart too. He also has to understand (like I previously said in my previous shout) the way you are, take the “whys” of “why we fight” and he should LEARN the way you will act and reasons behind your reactions (”what you dont like”, “why you dont like that” etc..) in order to prevent making you feel bad and vice versa.
I think, thats what disagreements are all about. I also think he should be considerate enough to think “I will not do to her what I would not like her do to me” and “I will be as clear to her as I would like her to be with me”.
If he still does the same s*it and for some reason you find yourself fighting over the same reasons….then there’s a problem.

tiffany wrote:
“I sort of just want to just see how things work. .. but I can’t be in a relationship that’s going nowhere.”

Me neither.
Thats your own personal decision though, Tiffany.
Do you feel its going nowhere? Yes/No Why?
You dont have to answer me that, you can just think about it. Think about facts.

tiffany wrote:
“ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

12345678910.”

That’s an organized ramble.

tiffany wrote:
“A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him “there’s a strict policy about having snails in the bar” then proceeds to kick him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman “What did you do that for?”

hahahahaha
FYI,
..the snail got beat up for no apparent reason and thrown out again. Came back pissed 2 years later and said “WTF man?!”

tiffany wrote:
“I’m sorry If I’m bothering you with more questions.”

Im assuming you already know how I feel in regards to this.
I will not repeat myself.

tiffany wrote:
“I do think my shout is longer!”

I say “Checkmate”.

I hope you are OK.
Im listening.

tiffany wrote:
“Actually, I’m proud of the fact that now he’s willing to discuss arguments 14,589 times until we figure them out, instead of getting annoyed like he used to.”

Good. I hope he satys that way. Its a great way of dealing w/stuff.

tiffany wrote:
“Being around people like that isn’t an excuse for me to complain and act mean, but it’s actually hard to *not do* when I don’t even realize I’m acting that way most of the time.”

Understandable. Im happy you are mature enough to realize your behaviour and do something about it. Thats a nice quality you have there.

tiffany wrote:
“I don’t mean to complain (even more), but sharing a house with 6 other people really blows. Kids are always screaming or someone is always yelling. Constantly. There is never any peace and quiet; Never any privicy. I almost can’t take it sometimes.”

lol
You need pampering Miss. And yes tiffany, I am aware of who is living in your house. To tell you the truth, I am in the total opposite (I live alone). Its one heck of status your house is in right now. Im assuming its a temporary thing, and its good you don’t desperately find bad ways to escape your situation, I mean,…im reading and I thought “you are very patient, you don’t go and drink out nor drug up your problems,…” and that says something about you. Something good.

tiffany wrote:
“I don’t really think so? It’s like this with everything. I’ll get mad if he isn’t cuddling enough or if he isn’t here exactly on time. I think a lot of times I just take all my stress/anxiety/etc. out on him. “

I see that as “you baby cute” lol
Seriously Tiffany….(….*im still laughing a lil bit*….) my bad…sorry, …wait….
OK…look, you are a baby… but not in a bad way, I find that oddly cute.
Now, its like I have told you before, you are that way (cuddly, on time, etc…) you are expecting to get what you give (I assume) I am like that, the only difference between me and you is that I learn to not expect back (its super hard though). Doesn’t he take you out frequently?
There are people like you, but the thing is that you are in a relationship w/someone that you might have already noticed is not like you in that sense.
This made me ask…how long have you been feeling this? Has it been always like this or recently?

tiffany wrote:
“I don’t think me disliking who I am really even has anything to do with him at all.”

That statement denotes self value. I hope you really believe that.
Correct way of thinking.

tiffany wrote:
“I failed in doing every one of those things.I feel like, inside, I’m not really that good of a person, especially towards him. I treat people like crap.”

I find it a little surprising you telling me that.
Im sure you know you dont just read a passage in the Bible and suddenly you can do it, it takes time, it takes acceptance, commitment and understanding within yourself. The same goes when trying to modify a self behaviour (see Im not saying “changing the way you are”), it will depend on certain circumstances though.
To some it takes years, never forget you are human tiffany.
What you are living are learning experiences, I won’t tell you “Oh, just grow up already” cause we all are still growing up, its a process (other people just don’t care). I think you have certain rights to feel the way you sometimes feel.

On the other side, Im limited in what I can say here because I dont hang out with you. Im not in physical/personal contact with you nor your surroundings…in other words I havent seen your behaviours or how you react to situations w/my own eyes.

I can tell you however, that you have not verbally demonstrated being an unlikeable person in all these conversations I have had w/you. You dont seem to be the classic “stuck up bi*ch”. Im basing my opinion on everything you have told me, your current status (bf/house/feelings/situations you have faced/etc), and even your grammar.

tiffany wrote:
“So, stupidly, I asked why he was being so sweet. Okay, WTF. I just don’t know when to stop. I always seem to ruin moments like that. Why couldn’t I just be happy that he missed me and was trying to be romantic ..instead of thinking he was up to something?”

You make me laugh tiffany lol. Ruined? maybe. I imagined the whole scenario while i was reading, imagined you asking him with gestures and all. Let me clear up that Im not making fun of you.
OK,
You definetly dont fully trust him tiffany. Thats what I see. He was one way before, and you are not used to seeing the way he is now. Either he’s doing a messed up job about it or its being hard for you living with it (this whole transition of all what has happened up until present day).
It must be hard. Wow.
I ask you…
-What did he respond when you asked him?
-Was he eventually up to something?

tiffany wrote:
“getting upset for no reason or a stupid reason, yelling, etc.”

OK, we need to see how “stupid” to you these things are, tiffany.
Are they really “stupid” as you say or are the reasons behind your behaviour important to you?
Let me know.
I ask because what to me may seem “stupid” may seem “important” to you…its relative,
its like a related saying goes “one mans trash is another mans treasure”, get what I mean?

tiffany wrote:
“Or at least it was until now.”

Are you blaming yourself?

tiffany wrote:
“I know that having 4 other people move into our house has made me worse. Now, I’m constantly stressed and I know I desperately need a job ..but I don’t even have any motivation to do it. I hate getting up in the morning.”

Your surroundings have a huge effect on your own personal issues. Thats totally understandable and clear to me. Its normal you feel that way. We just have to find a way to minimize the effect.

No question is stupid to me tiffany.
My intentions are to help you out in what I can.

tiffany wrote:
“So, what if he really just made that story up so that he’d have more time to really determine if he wanted to marry me?”

OK…this has to be causing you some anxiety sometimes.
Maybe, and maybe not tiff. Only he knows. What I think is either:
-He doesnt have the money to get new ones (in which case, I personally dont think you need super expensive stuff here)
-Is not a priority to him getting them right now nor dealing with engagement. (as it is a priority to you)
-Maybe he lied and what you said.

Only he truly knows tiffany.
Bring it up one day, tell him your concern and put a date (year range) for the wedding.
One of the things you may do is make it clear in a subtle way that you will not live w/him until you are married.
I wouldn’t live w/ a gf Im not married with, but thats me and my personal beliefs.

Ever considered proposing to him?

tiffany wrote:
“But then again, how can I be upset…when at the time, I was reconsidering my feelings towards marriage as well. (I knew I wanted to marry him, I just thought we should wait because we were fighting so much.)”

You could be upset if he lied, and you had the right to feel the way you felt because he was not being clear with you and hid some things that effected you. To me you thought well. You had enough, you were being pretty rational under so much emotion, you were protecting your heart too. He also has to understand (like I previously said in my previous shout) the way you are, take the “whys” of “why we fight” and he should LEARN the way you will act and reasons behind your reactions (”what you dont like”, “why you dont like that” etc..) in order to prevent making you feel bad and vice versa.
I think, thats what disagreements are all about. I also think he should be considerate enough to think “I will not do to her what I would not like her do to me” and “I will be as clear to her as I would like her to be with me”.
If he still does the same s*it and for some reason you find yourself fighting over the same reasons….then there’s a problem.

tiffany wrote:
“I sort of just want to just see how things work. .. but I can’t be in a relationship that’s going nowhere.”

Me neither.
Thats your own personal decision though, Tiffany.
Do you feel its going nowhere? Yes/No Why?
You dont have to answer me that, you can just think about it. Think about facts.

tiffany wrote:
“ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

12345678910.”

That’s an organized ramble.

tiffany wrote:
“A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him “there’s a strict policy about having snails in the bar” then proceeds to kick him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman “What did you do that for?”

hahahahaha
FYI,
..the snail got beat up for no apparent reason and thrown out again. Came back pissed 2 years later and said “WTF man?!”

tiffany wrote:
“I’m sorry If I’m bothering you with more questions.”

Im assuming you already know how I feel in regards to this.
I will not repeat myself.

tiffany wrote:
“I do think my shout is longer!”

I say “Checkmate”.

I hope you are OK.
Im listening.

Tiffany? She doesnt write much. wrote:
“Ha! Your shout ended up being like double the length of mine, lol.”

New record.
Double mine, I dare you.
=)

Thing is, we never saw our mother cry nor anything, she always kept it to herself and always gave us this feeling of a warm home. She made it feel as if the hole he left in the family was never there. We were too little to even notice what was going on or ask…not sure if my older sister felt the same.
My mom is like a saint ;)
You dont sound rude at all, dont worry and Yes, we were better off without him, what if he did all that crap while we were physically still close to him?

Tiffany? She doesnt write much. wrote:
“I sort of fear I will be like her. I know that must sound terrible, but sometimes she talks to my dad like he’s nothing .. and she picks at him for every little thing. They never communicate, never kiss, never even hug.”

You know how your mom is already (thanks for clearing that up, but you get my previous idea). I wouldnt think you will turn out like her unless overlooked problems arise and your bf takes you to your “breaking point”, Its important you guys dont mess up your ways of communication. I believe there are always ways to enter a shut heart. Your dad should take your mom out or surprise her w/something nice, UNLESS of course there are issues or things that were never resolved that took your mom (or both) to the state they are now.
I can imagine what you go through in your house, I cannot be in an atmosphere like that because we were never exposed to that stuff. I personally cant stand it, I dont like it.

Tiffany? She doesnt write much. wrote:
“When my bf makes me mad or does something wrong, I either give him the silent treatment, yell (not scream, just raise my voice), or just walk away. It sometimes takes me a good hour to “get over it”, before I’ll even hug him again. How ridiculous am I?!”

Not ridiculous. He did something wrong, right? Something that provoked your feelings/emotions?
How you react is better than “mouthing off” some nonsense and giving violence the chance to escalate. I see you do right in walking away, unless you are the type that ignores or walks away in the middle of a conversation and “doesn’t deal with the sitaution the instant it arises”.(Eventhough you should walk away if you are being yelled at or the situation starts getting out of hand).

Tiffany? She doesnt write much. wrote:
“Honestly, I don’t even know how he can stand me .. because even I don’t like who I am right now. “

What?
You are OK. Dont hate yourself because he doesnt do something you expect (is that it?)
He is the way he is Tiff. You are the one who decides either to love him as he is with all those little things you see or not. Do not hate yourself becuse he does not do something you expect (I had to repeat that just in case)

Tiffany? She doesnt write much. wrote:
“One of my worst secrets though? I sometimes think my relationship won’t last. I know I probably push him away. I never do it intentionally, yet still, who could deal with that all the time? I need to fix me.
You must think I’m crazy by now.”

Deal with what?
whats the “do it” and the “that” you are referring to?

If he cant deal with how you are, its because he is probably failing in getting to know you everytime he is with you. He should know by now the details you like, what you dislike, how you get when certain things happen…etc… He should know or work on it, or did he stop once he knew you were both back together?
Relationships are to be always nourished. Its hard, but many of the success stories stem from that premise. (I assume you know this stuff though).
No, you are not crazy lol
You are a little confused and want needs to be met.

Tiffany? She doesnt write much. wrote:
“Actually, on my 43things.com account, “love and be loved” is one of my goals as well.”

There ya’ go.
I guess we both know how important that is.

Tiffany? She doesnt write much. wrote:
“P.S. You should really see that movie.”

I wont make any promises but I’ll see if I can see it tonite. I’ll let ou know first hand how it goes.

Tiffany? She doesnt write much. wrote:
“P.P.S. Crap! Next time I will try not to write so much. “

Write all you like. Express yourself, I’ll let you know whenever it’s too much, don’t worry. I consider myself to be a honest good listener. Every person is a world.

=P

I hope you are doing fine Tiffany, take care and thanks for the time you take to shout back.
Always a pleasure.

Mega long shout?
=O

Tiffany, Vote for Pedro! wrote:
“I don’t expect to be this way always, but it couldn’t hurt me to try.”

Of course not. Its good you think that way.

Tiffany, Vote for Pedro! wrote:
“I’ve actually sort of grown up believing it was normal behavior for couples to yell and scream and for families to be disfunctional.”

Wow. Its always hard for me to hear that. Many people grow up believeing that.
Its up to you to decide whether or not “follow that family tradition” (if you get what I mean).
I could have decided to be like my father and loose myself to the world but I decided not to. He was a coward that left my mother because he got another woman pregnant (cheated!) and his mother went to the extent of falsifying my mothers signature and pulling some strings to surprise her w/a divorce. He was in the dominican republic (where he had to marry that woman) and we were in the states “waiting for him”. What a “gift” for my mother. I was like 3 by the time. He left her, abandoned us, me + 4 sisters. I was the only male in the family, all I learned from him was an indirect “never leave a good woman, value what you have and if you ever have to divorce your wife for whatever reason, never abandon your kids.”
I saw all my mother went thru for us. She never put a man above us, never re married until we were all adults.
My RIP dad paid though, with his conscience, it was visible and the only time I seriously spoke to him face to face (being an adult already) he admitted it.

My life goals are 2:
1. “Love and be loved”.
2. “Be the dad I never had.”

Im still struggling with finding a compatible, easy going, openminded person that knows what she wants. I sometimes think Im asking for too much.
Its hard.
Thats why I tell you its up to you what you want from your relationship or what you would like from one, where you want to take it.

Tiffany, Vote for Pedro! wrote:
“When you care about someone, you don’t say it with harsh words and jealousy ..you say it with kind words and unconditional love.”

Yup.
That “love” you supposed to have must be strong enough to control your anger/emotions. Once you let your emotions take control and it slips, you fall into disrespect, and once the respect is gone, it escalates, you may end up the way your dad “communicates” w/your mom or come to erroneously accept “violence” as part of a healthy relationship.
Something must have made him turn that way.
You also must be patient enough to understand that the other half will maybe have another approach to your personal thoughts or better yet “to the way you handle things” (like disagreements/arguments/etc..). You decide whether to accept it or not (the other persons approach).
There are healthy ways of communicating, there are ways to ask for forgiveness….its that many people are too “ego-pride-selfish-oriented”. Many others are into the so called “power-struggle”.

Tiffany, Vote for Pedro! wrote:
“Honestly, I think one person can only try so hard and do so much before they reach their breaking point. Hopefully that doesn’t sound overly-dramatic, lol. I just know one person can’t keep giving and loving if the other isn’t willing to do anything.”

I agree with all you said.
Its basically the story of my relationship life. A lot of suffering but it would be worse to be emotionally submitted to someone that doesnt understand what a relationship takes (according to my view which can be put in: patience, open mind, communication, understanding, mutual value, consideration, honesty, and being able to be counted on…of course all those words -and more- stem from what I think “love” is).

Tiffany, Vote for Pedro! wrote:
“Have you ever saw ‘A Walk To Remember’? It’s one of those sappy-romantic chick movies, so I’m not sure if you’ve ever watched it”

hahaha … what a way you put it.
No tiff, havent seen that one but I can tell you I get emotional.
I’ve seen The Notebook, Sweet November (sad!) and I cant remember which other but I tell you ….I dont mind seeing them, I just get watery eyes sometimes. lol
I’ll check if I can see that one.
Im a sensitive guy too, what can I say.

Tiffany, Vote for Pedro! wrote:
“Ah! Sorry my reply has become like an essay, lol. “

If I were to grade you on it Id give it an A-
lol
I really dont mind, if thats what you reffer too, they are interesting to read. You can stop whenever you want.

Thanks for your shout.
Always nice to hear from you.

“Thanks Joey .. what would I do without you? :P”

You’d miss meeting someone like me.

I dont think your expectations can be so high. Maybe for the type of person you love yes. I think you can work ‘em out though.

““Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self–seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7″

Read that a million or so times years ago,
Personally I think this world (or at least the surroundings I have had) have led me to believe that you cannot be like this always. I just try to be good and not hurt people. Realistically speaking, many people dont give a flying crap about that and its sad. I believe thats the so called “true love” and finding another half that would understand and apply it would be almost perfect.
Relationship-wise, I stopped more or less applying it once I saw that I wasn’t getting that type of love back. Not to sound selfish, but to me in order for it to work in a relatiomnship, the other half HAS to be familiar with that concept and apply it too.
I think it also depends on the interpretation you get from it. If you are too loving (according to that) you can easily be preyed on and can risk being used and abused (in todays world). Just be careful, use your own logic and reasoning to determine whether or not a relationship is unhealthy and if its worth it to stay in it since feelings and emotions stemming from passion can betray you, I guess.
There is a verse that speaks about the foolishness of the heart…I’ll try and find it later.
BTW, I used to read proverbs a lot.

Its good to hear you seek the Bible.
I really hope your bf truly appreciates who you are and makes you happy. You deserve it, you dont seem to be a bad hearted person (from all I could hear from you in our convo’s).

“…I am not patient ..sometimes not kind. I envy and can become easily angered. I also keep hold of the past, keeping records of his wrong-doings…”

I can relate. Its human, its OK. And based on what you have gone through its understandable you feel that way. Lets see how it goes from here.

Just to let you know…
conversations with you are enjoyable.

Take care tiffany.
Yea, I know…my shout turned out long, ha!
Pedro for President!

Your not terrible tiff.

tiffany, how is pedro? wrote:
I just wish I could express my feelings without fear that he’s going to take advantage of my emotions and basically take my heart, rip it up and throw it back in my face.

I know.
This is the result of a past that clearly had an effect on you + the shady stuff about his cel contacts.
I understand where your comming from. I think i’d have similar thoughts if something like what you went through happened to me.

Good thing you dont fake being happy.
Part of giving the relationship another try is opening up again as if nothing “bad” has happened between you two. Its not easy, but you must be able to take the risk tiff, if not you won’t take the relationship to its full potential and work with your own issue (at least from your side).
Give, go ahead…try to answer back and see how you feel, baby steps. Watch reactions, and be attentive to how it makes you feel.

I’ll be around.

P.S.: In regards to the calling stuff…as long as the communication is there, and there is daily contact, its OK.

Be safe tiff.

Good to hear from you tiff, did you backup your email and password (to be able to log on)?

“(There I go again, over-analyzing everything he says.)”

awwww hahaha you are like “baby cute”
lol

I think you are going to have to learn to live w/your feelings and hope he finds a way to help you not be that “over-analytical” as you say.
By you not romantically speaking back (where you respond w/ a joke), to me it can mean that you are fearful of getting hurt again or maybe you want to tell him something that he might not like (as a disagreement, or a question) idk. Anything holding you back at that moment? Any thought/s?

Being stressed out and getting mad easily can most likely be as you say, the situation thats going on in your house. Not easy.
I understand.

“He’s even told me that he thinks “we’re doing really good” and that he’s happy we are getting along so well.”

As long as you dont pretend to be happy, your good.

“maybe it’s because I feel like he avoids me when he’s fixing up his house. (hello, Tiffany! He’s busy working!)”
This can depend on the frequency of the calls, if you are nagging or not. If its just one or 2 calls (one he not responding, and a second to see if he answers -with time in between of course-) then OK. But if its like “you saw him, he just left your house and you are still wanting to talk to him calling and such 10 times…” then he won’t always be available (you get the idea).

I hope your relationship works out.

Im OK, thanks for asking.

Let me know if I can help you w/anything else tiffany. Now you take care.

how you been, tiff?
living large?

“(Please correct me if I’m wrong.. I don’t know how guys work.)”

Oh no you did not. hahaha

“I think that if none of that hadn’t hurt him, he wouldn’t remember it still.”

On a more serious note,
Not necessarily tiff and it can depend on “what things you did” to him.
Him hurt can be either true, or an excuse.
Its up to what you believe.
Guys feel too, its that sometimes most dont feel appreciated, others don’t value what they have, others take for granted, some consider, others use, some cheat, some lie, others don’t do that stuff and appreciate, etc…Last time I checked, some women are like that too.

You are thinking right, just keep your eyes open.
If someday you feel bad/used/disrespected because of something he does that you might not understand ‘why’….never EVER make an excuse like : “he’s a guy, I guess guy’s are supposed to be like that, so I guess its fine and I have to just suck it up.” Never tiffany. Never forget that.

BTW, you have the right to ask him about marriage anytime you want. You are not bugging him until he tells you you are.

how do you feel besides all this?
You OK?

“But it’s not the ring I’m really worried about. It’s not the ring I want, it’s the feeling. (Hopefully that makes sense)”

Yes it does make sense. I get it, clearly.

Dont be sorry for your shout being long. I’ll tell you when I find it long or crap, besides my response to you is usually a little longer.

Now Tiffany, I think you have to be a little more patient then. I understand that you get anxious with thinking over things but Im starting to think that you are maybe worrying a little too much…just a lil’ bit, not that much…a little…sometimes…you feel me?

I think that he should be the one who is supposed to make you feel what you want, that feeling where you said: “It’s not the ring I want, it’s the feeling”…I think he is the one who is supposed to give you that, and not only “use” it when you are mad or argued.
I believe its called reassurance.

The way you are is the way you are, nothing bad about it, you can’t change the way you are (or its too hard to). Things happened in the past that will make you be who you are. I dont think you are the exact same person you were before, we grow (supposed to), we modify.
He is the way he is, you either accept it or not, mark me on this: you can’t change him.
He has to find out how to handle the way you are in a good loving reassuring way, (do not include sleeping together here), and make up with actions because damage was done in the past - Damage thats always in the back of your mind and you unintentionally bring up.
Something was broken, “fixed”, but mostly either one of 3 things happened:
1.Forgave, and the relationship grew stonger.
2.You are working with the pieces you put
back together (not being in the state it was before it broke).
3.Moved on.

1.What do you think?
2.Why is marriage a “touchy subject” for you?

Ask me anything you think I can help you with.
I’ll be around.
Nice to hear from you Tiffany.

You, my “cuteness gracious” friend,
amplify your “what if- always possible-thoughts”. Not good.
I can relate…its similar to overthinking, its the way you are.
In a sense its like you have needs that are not being met (thats what I see), or he does not know you well enough to understand that you are that type of person.
It also can show that you are too insecure or at least feel that way in the relationship.
…I admire you for putting up with that for so long. Its not the way you are supposed to feel in a relationship tiffany.

His priorities are not the same as yours, by that I mean…what you consider something important to talk about, might not be that important to him.

IMO, if you get married ASAP without preparing, things will only get more complicated. You deserve to get what you give.

Tiffany, to me you think right in regards to what a marriage and a relationship is supposed to be.
You can ask him how he feels straight out, how has he been feeling with the last argument you had…if everything is clear, or OK. Something like that.

Babylon AD - still in the movies, came out i think 2 weeks ago. Vin Diesel stars in it.

Good thing your sleeping is better.

Tiffany,
How do you think you can get rid of those feelings you get? What would help?

Idk what else to tell you.
I guess he’ll just give you the ring and talk about it whenever he feels like it. You have the right to talk about your marriage concerns whenever you feel like it too, always remember that.
Good luck.

Watched ‘Babylon AD’.
Crappy, was not what I expected.

Go see Alpha Dog tiffany, way better.

How has your sleeping been?

Sorry to hear that he’s sick.
It sucks.

“The only thing I’m worried about is the engagement thing.”…

What….
Why? Because of the ‘bad thoughts in the back of your mind’?
What thoughts?..the one you just told me or other thoughts?

“Sorry to go on and on.”
Go.
Im listening.

Im OK. Today was clean up my house and laundry day. Chilled a little afterwards, watching a movie and preparing some cd’s. Being logged on ’til I finish ‘em.

Go ahead.

All good?

Hola,

Quote:
“Next time you’ll only have to ask about Pedro 203 times. “

I asked 204, so I exceeded by 1. Thats a disqualification then?.
I’ll just make the post I told you about him (and chico) and probably get away with it.

Quote:
“I named him Pedro because Chihuahuas originaed from Mexico,”

Can somebody say “Stereotypes”?
That made me laugh stupidly hard tiffany.

Thanks for shouting back, its good to hear from you.
take care and let me know if you feel alright.

I asked for pedro like 204 times or so, next time Ill make a post about asking how’s he doing.
I cant remember where I read that you had like 3 more dogs or something like that…there are 2 in our family…shitzu’s, 2 beautiful princess’s.

I asked myself:
Why would she call him ‘pedro’ (sounds hispanic) and not john or sam or peter (lol)?

I dont believe in sugarcoating tiffany, to me it would be like not being fully honest. I know I might not always hit the mark, but I like to cover as much as I can think of. Maybe to make you/another person (who I would be talking to) think about things that he/she may not be seeing.
I like people to talk to me with that mindset.

Take care lil’one.
I hope you smile more often.

Be happy tiffany, I hope everything works out for you.
You answered very well
What was my purpose? I asked to get a better understanding of your feelings.

BTW,
When in my reply I said that I thought you were “weak”, I meant that if he insisted again and poured his begging out a little (cried, begged, insisted, spoke kindly etc…) you would probably take him back, but I understood that maybe not because to tell you the truth: I don’t know.
I just wanted you to see how you felt when you read it.

Thanks for replying back at the post, you forgot to tell me about pedro but I assumed he’s fine.

Oh, and another thing….I don’t know if I sounded like “harsh” or something but I consider myself a “I’ll honestly tell it to your face but with much respect” type person. Open minded, listener.

Later.

I couldn’t get a hold of you these past couple’o days, and to tell you the truth, I wanted to see how you were doing.
Did you read that last reply I gave you?
All under control?

I really hope so.
I’m as usual.
You are welcome tif.

How’s pedro and his crew?

tiffany, you OK?