cargal07's reply history at Help.com

I learned a long time ago to not put all my faith in what I hoped would happen…you just stay dissapointed that way…Destiny plays things out the way they should be for the bigger picture..so be patient, be aware, and be positive..from the sounds of it, that’ll drive them all crazy!!!lol lol
Honey I wish you a very merry christmas. If we get a chance, we can chat before then, I know I could use a shoulder right now.

Your husband has seen how not to treat a spouse. But, on the other side of that, his mother allows it and so now he thinks that is the way to treat you. At some point, as an adult, he should be able to recognize that the behavior he has witnessed while growing up, isn’t healthy..and make a change for the better in himself. I know that my boys, will one up me as they grow and learn, and I hope that they will make the decisions for themselves that will make them better than I…I think every parent out there would agree that nurturing a marriage, or raising a child is all trial and error..If our kids can get a handle on it and make the changes that work in thier lives to make them even better as adults than we are, AWESOME!!!!! Maybe getting out of that atmosphere would be healthy. He would be free of the tension he has grown up around and may see things differently. good luck

What is a paternity test really going to prove to him? do you honestly think that once it comes back that he IS the father that all of the mental abuse he is dishing out to you will end? I think it’s opening up another can of worms for him. Paternity tests are quite expensive and then he will have just that much more fuel against you. Anonymous, wake up! He is setting you up constantly to make you pay. I just cannot see how this relationship is healthy for you or your child. A new house is great, but it doesn’t solve any of the old problems…fresh starts are great too, if both parties are looking forward to them… this seems very one sided and I worry for you. Please think carefully before you take anymore action toward your future with your husband. Ask yourself some poinent questions..and answer them honestly…good luck

thats Awesome!!! good for you!!!keep us posted!

Groovy?…Wow!..Thought I was the only human left to use that expression. lol
I”m glad that I was able to maybe offer a new perspective. Things in paradise have been a bit rough this week. The adjusting to living with each other has proven to be more difficult than originally expected. Trouble sleeping, irritation with leaving the tv on or other innane little things. working through them, but jeesh…it’s hard. Any advice? I’ve lived alone for 11 years, and this is making me a little nuts.

I was an idiot because I didn’t believe in myself, I took what I was told to heart. I’m stronger than that…but when your lonley, or bored, you look to yourself first to see why. Then the doubt creeps in and you start to question everything about yourself.
I know that your only starting to date this woman,from the sounds of it, your interested enough to see what else could be there, and that sets you apart from the pack..
Average guys…the ones that seem great from the outside, then they open thier mouths or point out a flaw…I know I have flaws, everyone does..but to the right partner, I’m flawless and visa versa…

As a single mom, who has had her own share of heartache with dating, let me say this…be sincere. For 11 years, I dated, occassionally, but mostly hermited myself. Why? I’m pretty, smart, witty, great cook and can rock in “bed”. I avoided any type of serious dating scenario because I let one person, years ago, convince me that my “package” was just too much for the average, never been married or had children” guy. I put it to the test, and he was right. Only because I had already convinced myself he was. I feel I missed out on alot of good times. I would only bring it up if I was asked, but then would feel guilty that I was having fun selfishly, but not being upfront…then I would get “I was just looking for a good time”, or “I’m not really into long term relationships”, so I stopped dating and had come to terms with being the mom with cats on the block. lol
Wow, was I an idiot!
6 months ago, I went on a business trip to Florida, and met the man of my dreams. It took some convincing on his part, but I finally opened up to him. I am amazed at how the relationship has and continues to grow with him and my children. He is 11 years younger than myself, and has not only fallen in love with me, but my boys as well. All 3 of them, and the challenges that come with them. They are 16-12 and 4…
My advice, be sincere. Discuss the possibilities of being around more often and what her expectations as a parent, involving another parental figure. As long as you are open and honest and respectful of each others opinions, you can offer each other new perspectives and grow as a “family”. Good luck with all. And don’t be scared, just be real. Single moms tend to think they are damaged goods, and likely, because someone else said so…Your job, understand that and respect that her opinion may need time to change. With time, all things are possible.
By the way, my boyfriend is moving in this week..and will be planning a wedding soon. Good luck

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You know whats funny? I am enjoying Xander so much! He’s a brilliant boy, with an imagination that surprises even me…the queen of imagination! When I was young, I would sit for hours and play, very low maintenance. He has iherited my thirst for knowledge too! The other day we were coming back from the store and he popped up with, Mom, when the leaves turn colors, the fall off the tree and die right? Why? Why do get pretty before they die? These types of questions make me proud as a parent!
Thanks for the support!

when i say social smoker, I mean maybe once a year…btw

I agree, I am a social smoker, but used to smoke daily. Partly due to the crowd of people I surrounded myself with. At some point, and I do not remember the exact turning point, but I was sitting with friends, stoned, and all of a sudden I realized that they talked about the same crap, over and over again. I, at the time, the more educated of the group, would bring new topics to the table.When they all sat around like deer in bright lights, I realized that these people just didn’t fit into my life anymore. It was very painful for me to walk away from those friendships, but in retrospect, they were holding who I am as person back from all of the experiences I wanted to have in my life. To them, everything smacked of effort, to me, everything…good or bad was worth the experience. Keeping yourself true is the hardest test of any friendship. You may have differences, because lets face it, everyone is different, but you have to really look to see if you can respect them as individuals. If you can’t, thats ok. Don’t feel bad. Just make changes.

The drug itself doesn’t bring the laziness, it’s in the perception of the user. This really is something he needs to WANT to do for himself, but the added pressure of doing FOR you adds to it. Trust me. Anytime I asked my “friend” to quit for me, he did it more and said it’s because I confused him… it’s really a love hate type of thing. You love him but hate what he does…with that thought in mind, can you list a pro’s and cons list of your feelings regarding him? It may help you see that a:he isn’t right for you at all or b:that he is perfect for you. Either way it goes, you are going to have to be strong and decide in yourself what you are or are not willing to settle for in the relationship that is perfect for you.
I’m here if you need me or want to talk further.

Unfortunatley sweetie, you can’t. This is something he has to do on his own and on his own schedule. Giving him ultimatums will not do the trick either. If you love him, and it sounds as if you do, judging the marriage ultimatum, you have to do the only thing to get his attention, be done. Let him know that you love him, but that this part of him no longer fits into your life. Asking him to quit for you, lays on you the responsibility of his happiness, and that isn’t what you need either. I’ve been in this situation before myself, and trust me when I say it is the most difficult thing you will do… but, the best and ost healthy way for you to gain a relationship with someone better suited for you. Hang tough, and offer support as one of the guys when its needed. If later down the road, he makes a decision for his life that makes the fit for you both comfortable, then give it a try…
good luck sweetie.

Your teen years are the most confusing, glorious, miserable of your life. Is there anyway that your interest vs. non interest at times in women stems from them not being suited for you? Don’t ever compromise your wants in a relationship. I just found my Knight, and I’m 38!!! Hold out for the one you CANNOT live your life without. Stay in touch.

well, I did it. I sent in the application for food stamps and medical coverage for my son. And cried all the way to the mailbox. My son, who is amazing..at 4, came over to me and said, “mommy, it’s ok, can’t cry unless we have soup, and we are out of soup!”. A kiss on the forehead and back to Thomas he went. lol
The biggest adjustment is that I have so much time now, to think…and unfortunatley, that means pick my own life apart. Feel unresolved for not having a relationship with my parents, or feel abandoned by my friends, that have no idea the level of conscious thought I put into my daily life, or feel guilty that I have no monetary contribution for my boyfriend..it’s tough out there.. but I woke up this morning, I breathed, I walked, I smiled.. so onward other days…