i_luv_himandbam141's reply history at Help.com

yeah- i’ve told her.
but she says she has to.

i dont know.

:/

i makes me nervous how she writes stuff down after i explain something to her.

[quote miss_enigma]You have to talk to your therapist for them to help you hun. You are depressed for a reason and you need to get into that to get beyond this depression.

Are you able to vent some of your thoughts and emotions through poetry? May be worth giving it a go. Wow, you have many talents, likely a sensitive soul too, a blessing and a curse sometimes but it will balance out and you will learn to find the positives in life.

Who could possibly love those animals as much as you?

You can only control yourself, if your depression depresses others it’s only because they choose to let it effect them that way. You are only responsible for your emotions.

Seaslight has given you some great suggestions too.[/quote]

i dont reallyyy trust her.
my therapist…

[quote seas light]http://teenadvice.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ/Ya&sdn=teenadvice&cdn=people&tm=18&f=10&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.girlsandboystown.org/hotline/index.asp Try to be your own best friend. You can talk to a school counselor or get involved in a school activity , something you’ve never done before. challenge yourself. You might be pleasantly surprise how well you adjust to it, and meet some new friends in the process. Some medications may actually work the opposite, giving the patient suicidal thoughts. Ask for a med. change, tell your parents, as this may be all you need to be yourself again.You weren’t responsible one bit for this rape. You were the victimized. I hope that party is in jail where they belong. You can overcome this with support from other rape victims etc. You deserve to live child and we will always be here to give you hope and comfort anytime you need it. please re-think this. Throw yourself in your music ,dance and other forms of self expression. This will help you also. I will pray for you. There is always hope and light at the end of the tunnel (((((HUGS)))))[/quote]

i’ve never told my parents about the rape. thast a good suggestion about the school stuff.
but i’ve done that before.
i was a cheerleader for 3 years at a competition cheer gym and 2 years for my high school.
i am in the green earth club at my school and I have alot of friends…
i just think they dont liek me.

[quote miss_enigma]

Being raped is a horrible thing, I’m so sorry you had to experience that and so many times.

You can’t say no because you don’t value yourself enough to have boundaries. Have you talked to a therapist? They can help you with that more than any meds could.

Life hurts, it’s bound to happen. You say you have nothing to live for, don’t you have any interests? Writing? Music? Pets? I ask because I believe we all have gifts and something to share with the world.[/quote]

i have a therapist.
but i dont like to talk to her though.
i write poetry and music.
i sing and i am a dancer and a gymnast.
and i have 5 pets.
and i love them very much.
but…
its just, i feel like i affect peoples lives and depress them becasue im so depressed.

I have been to support groups.
I take meds.
I have been to psych wards and hospitals.
I went to rehab for my drug abuse and theyyy tried to treat me for depression.

I just don’t want to live.
I have no desire to wake up in the morning.
I don’t want to get hurt like I have in the past.
I can’t go through that again.

im 15

i’m sorry.
that sucks.

but, i mean, its super lame that they did that, but atleast you know who’s really your friend and who isnt.
this gives you a chance to make new friends.

my boyfriend has raped and beaten me.
and he beats me alot.
my ex boyrfriend raped me 4 times.
im afraid of guys and I’m known as a **** because i’m afraid to say no to guys when they ask me for sexual favors.
i cut myself becasue i want to look different.

my meds dont help, they make it worse.
im just done.
i have NO desire AT ALL to live.

I’m on medicines and they just make everything worse.

for those who asked what my story is-

I got raped by my boyfriend at the time 3 times then twice when we broke up.
I get beat by my current boyfriend almost everydayyy.
I’m so scared of saying no to guys who ask me for sexual favors that i just do it becasue i’m afraid they’ll hit me.
I hate myself so mush that i constantly cut myself to try and see if there is better inside of me.
I dont expect anyone to understand this, but this is jsut who i am and how i feel.
and i no longer want to be this.