grbghp's reply history at Help.com

[quote DjinnGi]through my mind….hmmm….it’s more instinctinve really, like an automated reaction- but what goes through my mind is that I’ve failed to keep a relationship together, that things didn’t have to end up like this if we hadn’t been separated, if he’d talked to me instead of keeping me at a distance as some kinda ‘casual girl’. I relied on him for affection + now he’s gone I have no-one to cuddle me anymore. + I’m really anxious about going into college + finding that all his old friends hate me - I don’t think know we’ve broken up as i havnt told them + our ‘BF/GF thing’ as he put it, doesnt seem important enough for him to mention.
[/quote]

and what can you learn from the experience, so the next relationship will be better?
what would you do differently in the first place if you would face the same situation again with someone else in the future, in order to prevent it from going bad?

until you forget it yourself.

[quote DjinnGi]Ive been doing that, but it doesnt really reduce the pain. I still wake up in tears every single day, I still dream about him. And I dont want people to think that Ill keep going on and on about the same thing if they talk to me, or they’ll start avoiding me.[/quote]

right.

so why are you waking up in tears? what goes threw your mind?

i think that what we all can learn from this is to better listen.
we weren’t able to help so far because we didn’t really know all there is to know
and a lot of the problems we encounter are lacking all the information that people didn’t seem worth to mention. which mostly is were the true problems lay.

also when we seek in ourselves the solutions,
we should ask, and ask, and dig, and ask
until we find the answers we DIDN’T know we knew about.
since the ones that we did, didn’t help.

i understand,
that if you want to get through to him, you want something of him.
but, you don’t need anything from him.
so you should address the letters to whom they are really intended. to yourself.
you shouldn’t even care if he cares or not.
the hell with him

what you really need in order to take this load off,
is to open up to a friend, tell the whole story, your feelings, your thoughts
every time you share your troubles with someone, it halves the burden.
then if you will feel comfortable about it, you can talk about it more openly with more people. and again it will halve the burden until it would be just a story to tell.

well, not wanting to talk about something can indicate what goes threw his mind.
so, no answer is sometimes as good as an answer.

let it go, move on, and someday in the far future you can close a circle when you both are not involved anymore and it would be just for the closer.

don’t send letters, it’s pointless and reckless.
ask yourself what it is exactly you want to achieve by these,
because when a person wants to speak his mind it is mostly to change something at the listener.
if you expect nothing to change and want nothing of him in the future then there is no point in saying these things you wanna say. it would change nothing.
it would only be a cause for regret later.

and would keep you even more wandering…
did he get them? did he read them? did he toss them away? did he… did he…
no end to this…

you can’t really not feel at all.
there are times that you think you don’t feel at all, but the feelings are just lurking in there waiting to catch you off guard.

negative feelings can also push you into changing something in your life for the good, so you might as well give them a thought.

i remember a time that because i felt anger, it gave me a reason not to give up.

[quote DjinnGi]i agree, but ppl keep saying dont contact him. i wrote him a letter 2 weeks ago which is still unsent and alot of ppl are saying ill regret it if i send it, but i feel i absolutely have to say the things he wouldnt listen to, once and for all, before we completely go our separate ways.[/quote]

don’t sent it by letters!
it will be worthless if you can’t see his reaction and know for sure he got the message and hear what he has to say about this.
you will just drive yourself crazy in expectation for a response that wouldn’t come.

don’t tell it on the phone if he tends to end the calls after 2 minuets, for the same reasons.

the best way is to meet up, just to “not leave any loose ends”
end it up as friends, whatever you wanna call it.
meet somewhere quiet where you can talk privately and none of you can run away in the middle.

put all the cards on the table… end it properly.

1. upset/sad - lay in bed and stare at the ceiling
2. hurt - break contact
3. angry - tell myself and people that i am angry about something, or at them, then move on.
4. frustrated - call a good friend and moan in hope to be motivated
5. stressed - take control of things, or just tell people to leave me alone for a while and let me concentrate.
6. panicky - talking to someone with feet on the ground to put me in proportions, or put the situation in a practical point of view.
7. worried - if there is nothing i can do, i just walk around in circles in the back yard.

[quote DjinnGi]…..i mean, what are your thoughts when you say contact him after a long while? wouldnt he be even less receptive after having had more time to forget about me?[/quote]

the point in calling him at all is to take loads off you
if you have things you keep thinking of telling him and never did - its a load
if you have things that you don’t understand about his actions or thoughts - its a load
if you have things you believe you don’t know the truth about - its a load
and they will keep being there till you get rid of them
and since no one else has the answers but him, you’ll have to talk to him
even if it would turn out to be a one sided conversation.

even if the truth about things is unpleasant, you will find it much more acceptable than assumptions.

remember that often what helps best is just to listen.
with no consoling.

a few things that might help you out of it:

1st - find something that occupies your mind too much. like a book, movies, or computer games, something that prevents you from thinking of anything at all.
pills, if you must.
use this as something to keep you alive and careless until things mend up.

2nd - and i know it sounds strange - talk to the boy.
why? - as to not leave any loose ends, not to leave any unknowns and “what-if”s.
these are number one mind troublers.
and for another reason - do a casual conversation with no harm feelings too
these improve the mood instantly, until the next unknown.
(this doesn’t mean you need to get together again)

3rd - clean your room.
clean environment = clear thoughts.

can you try be more detailed in your posts?

and….?

[quote Proff. Vampress ;p]
i do like myself, its just everyone else is plain cake yer, but im plain cake with icing, different, not right. im normal but there is stuff i do that iaa wrong, thatg other people dont like. even if i change, dont do the stuff i normally do they wont stop. they never accept me! i tried for a whole frigging year, but it made np difference. so i went back to being plain old me……[/quote]

a problem with changes is that you need to do them for yourself and not for others
and it is tempting to wave it around: look, i have changed now - we say often.
but this just causes us to stop trying. for some complicated reason.
better just to swallow insults and demoralizers from people while you try changing and say nothing about it for the good or for the bad.
when you finish the process they will forget how things were in the first place.
given enough time.