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• i hate this wanting to die but to scared to do something that could kill you in a heart beat
  

  You venture is normal. U say what !?. An important thing is to be able to read. Now ur saying FU - i can read. That isnt what I mean. Some people dont read well. U may have to force urself to read a subject ur not interested in and concentrate on it. Thats my positive critism. Now for the juice. Do some research and read a book on human developement. Try child psychology. Call a psychologist, as them for recommendations dealing with this. The book should cover the stages we ALL go thru. It will help you understand yourself and others. If you cannot pinpoint the problems you cannot fix them. You Have To Do This ! Force yourself, and STAY on it.
  
  As you read the stage of growing, you will relate things you have been thru and can se what lies ahead. It will help you get a bearing on your life. You are like a ship at sea with no direction, just floating with the wind. And that is ok -at times. But you have to be able to tighten your sails, and steer your ship, no one is going to do it for you. You can do this, you have to be diligent with a capital ‘D’. Keep a pocket dictionary close by, look up every word you dont know the meaning. Knowledge is power, feed you knowledge bank , it is running dry. And its free !! Feed your mind full of facts, not here-say. Dont believe everything U read or what others say. Ur into the ‘blind leading the blind’ mode. Force ur self to read, concentrate on what ur reading, remember what ur reading !! Do ur research on child psychology, human behavior, influences, people that overcome great odds. Always remember, there are A LOT of people who have been thru this and overcame the situation. I am one of them. It takes time, it takes hard work, (read that part again), got anything better to do ? Dont listen to negative people, push them out of your life - push hard ! Just keep chipping away at it. Little peice at a time, the key is , just dont quit or give up, keep chipping a little at a time, u’ll eventually get down to the key that frees you.
  - written 11 months, 2 weeks ago

test's conversations are tagged:

life, Head, heart, hate, shooting, beat, pain, suffering, depression, god, Hanging, afterlife, Pain and nociception