Green Knight's shoutbox - Help.com

hello

You’re not your mother. I’ll say that again in capitals to patronise you, but just to make the point - YOU’RE NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!

A couple of my girfriends were sexually abused by relatives too, so don’t think it’s uncommon (it’s scarily common). I know what that does to your self-confidence and view on control. But that doesn’t mean you have to relinquish all control on you life for fear of becoming your mother and maybe having kids that would do the same to someone else.
You are not to blame. Nor would you have any control over anything that other people do. But you can have control over yourself and what happens to you. By giving up all control, you aren’t avoiding the issues you have, you’re just allowing yourself to be an accomplice to something you have no say in.

Does that make sense?

The guilt you feel (and if my experience rings true with you, you do feel guilt..and for more than you’re probably willing to admit) is not your fault. You are free from guilt. If it makes you feel better, I absolve you. I forgive your sins, whatever you may feel they are. You are innocent.

I watched my mother (who was bipolar and never diag till it was too late) take over our house hold with her control and though her anger she manipulated our whole family. It wasn’t just me. I started in her foot steps to control and manipulate others. then realized.. how much damaged it did and would not put others through what I felt. I was also sexualy abused by my brother for 5 years.. and when I finally told my mother about it. she blamed me. I live now in the wake of those moments they made me who I am. I know it makes me chicken but It could be worse. I could be like my mother!!!and for me anything is better then being like her!

I’m afread of control!!!! It’s how I got the way I am!! I refuse to use control to get what I want!!1

I can tell you by email or shout it … it doesn’t matter I really don’t have anything to hide. I just have alot of stuff in my life that no one will ever be able to change, so I don’t bring it up much.. and I try not to make it a big deal.

I’m not sure about assertiveness I don’t defend myself very well. you would have to know a little more of my history.. but I have been pretty much been stomped on my hole life. My mom did a really good job of treating and making me believe I am dirt from day one. However I have come to the realization that I can’t blame her for it. I know it doesn’t make sense. and I respect your opinion. is there another option then just accepting what life throws my way. I learned a long time ago what I want doesn’t count in this life.

Yes I alway have just accepted what life throws My way. what do you see as my other option? My mother-in-law has surprised me lately!! she has not only backed off but this passed week took my husband and I out of town for a stake dinner. Not sure what got in to her. she is never like this.. I is weard it was just what I needed.

things are going Ok.. I’ve decided to suck it up and try to roll with the punches. My husband went to the doctor last Friday and they said that it is healing fine he he can start to put a litte weight on the leg. he still has 6 more weeks to go but he can go up and down the steps and he is starting to drive again. he even did the dishes for me the other night. I thought I was going to pass out!! thanks for checking in on me. how are things with you??

Sorry to hear that hon, if you need to chat let me know, Ive got good (silent) ears, I think helping others does help, it takes your mind away from your own problems, if only for a while, good to see you too :-)

Havent seen you in ages, how are you me ol mate ?? lol

sorry i do that some times

If that happens and I am not here in chat to ask to free it… Just try rewording it with out anything sexual or any word that is commonly used in sexual innuendo or insults.

No prob. Nope. It won’t “Black Flag” you but it will flag you until we get around to unflagging it. If all I do is unflag it then there is nothing wrong. After 3 months you will get an hourglass and the filter will leave you alone for the most part.

I have read your report about words and the word filter. You will find that this filter is VERY strict when you first join the site. It does, however, evolve on what you are allowed to say in a posts or reply. The more things you type that get caught in the filter and then freed with out edit or deletion by a mod the less it will filter you. If a lot of your filtered replies get deleted or edited then it will stay strict for a longer time. Most replies from users that have an hourglass are not filtered at all. Some word will always trip the filter. But words like balls, fag, sex, anal, and shaft will stop triggering the filter after it gets used to your style. This is to help limit the trollish replies from hitting the page as trolls are almost always new accounts.

Hope that long winded reply helps,
Sully, Moderator

Hiya, glad to hear it ! it hadn’t better be a bouncy one either! :P lol, hope you’re well :-)

Ha,haaaa , you can send a cheque for the lessons and perseverance I have, getting you to master the bloomin shouts mate :P ha,ha :P

lol you shouted yourself Again! lol Ill learn to come to your profile for me shouts I guess lol.
Anyway its 1am here in the u.s Im off to bed, got to run No1 son tomorrow to his g/fs, Im on most nights, see you then, keep up the good work!!
Night hon :D

lol, come and have a look at this post…http://help.com/post/232713-i-find-that-i-am-stuck-in-this-plac
Ill send you an invite too, you know how to do that right ? just look under the shout, top right corner, you’ll see invite, just click it, it will invite you to a post.

Yeah, it’s 6 AM and I’m an insomniac! Is this Insomniac’s Anonymous! lol.

Can’t be doing with pussyfooting around. I’ll play nice when I need to (and say what I really think…there’s no artifice there) but I prefer to say it out loud, sometimes with graphic swearing for colour.

lol, takes one to know one as they say, I have what they call here, “a shoot from the hip” reply, if I think pussyfooting around isn’t going to cut it, Ill say it as it is, the Simon Cowell approach, everyone is thinking it, but nobody dares to say it lol……except me that is :P

By the way are you an Insomniac ? lol its 6am there isn’t it ?

Nahh, your ok , it took me a while to realize that when I vented about someone, that someone had been in my shout box and read it, eeek, once bitten and all that lol

By the way, thats an unverified account, so Id say it could be another user with a different a/c, they do this when they havent the balls, to talk as themselves, cowards way out :/

Go to my profile, do you see the email addy ?

I have no secrets. I’m not like certain Sad200 individuals I could mention!

I’ll do the do.

ok should be there now, let me know when you have it :-)

I’ll open my email to you, be aware others can read the shouts here, little is private trust me ;-) look under my avatar in a min, its the only way for communication thats not seen by all :/
never heard of this one,but ill beware ;-)

Ha,ha heyy you got it, I actually recieved one , well done you ! you’ll get it you just have to make sure it says my name or the persons name your sending it to at the top of the shout box, what do you do over there in the old blighty job wise ? with five kids to feed you’d better be a brain surgeon lol :P

Ha,haaaaaaaa you shouted yourself again!send it to me ! then I can read it :P no your not sad, you are a caring individual, what this site needs :D

Yeah, that’s what happened with the a/c. Bad luck. Shame.

Yeah, ready-made! Shake ‘n bake! Good kids actually. Be proud if they called me dad. SO proud.

In fact I may wee a little if they ever did. Not much, but a definite pant-wetting.

How sad am I? Getting excited about being dad to someone else’s kids? Still, that’s how much I love their mum. Bless her x

I’m just getting sadder aren’t I? It’s ok, you can tell me, I’m from oop Nooorth.

by the way when you do a shout, make sure my name is at the top of the box and not yours, if I hadn’t seen the one about the g/f on your shoutbox I wouldn’t have got it lol, you shouted yourself dear lol.

Oh I just read that about lizards a/c , you know th mods do watch the replies, and sometimes if they see a derogatory remark they take actions, could be what happened here :-)

Awwww congratulations, I hope all goes well for you both, ready made family eh ? save a lot of those sleepless nights thats for sure, Im jealous you got to miss the good parts lol …….not ! lol

Ohhh really ;-) I have no idea :P

Tell me about it! My gf has 5 kids, and 2 grand-kids. Never been so scared and so excited in all my life! I’m wasn’t ready to be a dad, let alone a grandad!
Can’t wait tho. Gonna marry her asap. Love the gal!

ty lol, and kudo’s to you too ! God I hope she’ll be ok, she really worries me, and god I remember those times well, mine are 15 and 18 but it feels like yesterday eww, its bloody hard work and so overwhelming.

Sorry got wrapped up in a post then, yes help is good and it is really forefilling to give out some of your wisdom and past experiences to the kids, they don’t get the point that the teen thing wont last and they will make it to Adulthood, the tendency is to give up to soon these days, it worries me no end.Im from Suffolk, or thats where I was born and raised, been in the usa now for 7yrs. Im Near Nashville if you know it ?

lol, aye oop me dook, am I thinking this person comes from Ooop north ? lol

Hiya fellow brit, I befriended you on the list, hope that’s ok, I like your replies, good old brit common sense, gotta love it lol