infinity's reply history at Help.com

No, I have a few friends here but I can’t speak my heart out to them. They are not my very close friends. My family is not in this city.

She is 24.

May be I don’t have self esteem and I fear I would feel terrible if she does not like me enough to be my girlfriend. I know she likes me because we argue over silly things all the time just to have fun. But you know, deciding to be a girlfriend is a big decision for her after two failed relationships one of which hurt her a lot.

Thanks for your advice. I have never asked a girl out before. So, I’m not sure how this happens. In all my previous relationships it began with a good friendship, so, there was no asking out business. We just used to go out for a dinner or something have fun like good friends.

I don’t want to go on a date with this girl. But, yes, I definitely want to hang out with her and know her more. I am thinking of just asking her whether she is free in the evening so that we can go for an evening stroll somewhere and talk about various things.

If you see something wrong happening and you can prevent it from happening by speaking, in my opinion, you should certainly speak. Think you are going out with some guy a friend of yours is going out with too. Let us assume there is a third friend who can see all this happening. How would you feel if you come to know that this third friend, in spite of knowing everything, never informed you?

While your friends care about you or not is a valid question, you also need to think whether you care about your friends or not. You hate some people and even though, “hate” is not a very good feeling, you have the right to hate someone you don’t like. But is that “hate” so great that you can not attend the birthday party of your friends you like? Do you think it is fair to your friends that hate for some people overpowers your friendship with A and B? Don’t you think it should be the other way round? Shouldn’t your friendship for A and B overpower the hate that you harbor for some people?

Also, try to understand that even though you hate them, they do not. They can’t change the way they live because you hate some people. Try to put yourself in your friends’ shoes. Let us say, a friend of yours hate some people and you are throwing a birthday party. You need to invite those people who your friend hates because you have good social contacts with them and it would be impolite not to invite them. You know your friend wouldn’t like it but then you need to invite your friend too. Do you now understand why your friends behave the way they do?

I have only asked you some questions. I hope they will help you to decide what you should do.

How do you know that your workmates feel that you are a worthless person? Have they ever told you? If not, it is not okay to assume things like that. It is normal for many bosses to give less work to new joinees. They do so because of a few reasons:

1. The new joinee doesn’t know all aspects of the work yet. So, he wouldn’t be able to take full responsibility immediately.
2. The new joinee should be able to pick up new and more work gradually.

How long have you been in this job? If it is less than 2 months or so, then I don’t think there is anything to worry. If it has been more than a quarter, you might want to talk directly to your boss and tell him that you want to do more work and take more responsibilities.

Thanks linuxya for that advice. That is really encouraging and helpful. Curious to know what your nickname means. Does it have anything to do with ‘linux’? Curious because, I myself like and use Linux and I feel it is a great operating system.

Thanks for your comments. I have two problems to deal with then.

1. To reduce my feelings for the girl at work to normal, to that of good colleagues when we met initially.

2. To focus on myself, invest time and thought in myself and help myself grow.

I know how to do the second. But, I don’t know how to do the first. Anyone has any experience it with?

hey ishaq00. both of us are on the same boat. i can guarantee you one thing. this sad and lonely feeling that we are facing now is temporary. it goes way in a while. how long has it been for you that you are going through this? how much time you take to become absolutely fine depends on how deep your relationship with the girl was.

if you feel bad, feel free to keep posting here. talking helps. just tell the world whatever you want to tell. it will help your emotional wound heal sooner.

I am 26. I’ve experienced a break up 4 years back. It hurt a lot at that time but I think have become a little matured due to the past experience. I’m able to manage my feelings better this time but still I wanted to share my thoughts somewhere. Found this forum and after this short discussion, I am feeling a little better already. :-)

hi buddy. a friend of mine had this mental illness in which he heard voices in his head. It messed up with his career. he lost a year in school due to this. but he got better with doctor’s help.

remember that a part of this illness urges you not to trust the doctors and medicines, but you have to learn to take the medicines regularly and trust your doctor. whenever you feel like not taking the medicine, just remember that it is your illness speaking, not you.

the good news is that, people do recover from this illness with proper care and sticking to doctor’s advice. once the treatment started, my friend recovered very soon. another thing that my friend shared was that these voices disappear when you are talking with someone. the trick to overcome these voices is to keep your mind engaged in someone’s presence.

wish you all the best and get well soon. :-)

I am not trying to change her mind. She is a nice girl. She wants me to smile and be happy. But she doesn’t love me romantically. She wants to go for an arranged marriage and her marriage is fixed. I have no problem with it as she has the right to marry whoever she wants. But, I feel sad for myself as after she has left the city, I have become lonely. :-(

Whenever I’m idle I recall the happy times we spent together. How we had fights on silly things, etc. These thoughts make me very sad and I start missing her. I want to be happy again but I don’t know how I’ll be happy without her.

but if I hang myself, I will die. I want to live and overcome this sadness. :-(